In another post that was deleted (and so will now be an ‘archival post’ when re-published) I talked about projects I had worked on in late-2022. One of those is the now-infamous (a fact!) Small Cumfurts series by yours truly.
Background
This was originally published in 2025, but it was written in 2022 (not 2023 as I’ve previously written). Specifically on September 13, 2022, six days after Getting Biblical was written. Both were written in one day. This discrepancy, combined with other factors, leads me to quote the current Episode 1 post:
… I previously described this as being in 2023 in a currently unavailable post, but, in reality, this didn’t happen in 2023. … The events surrounding these episodes happened during 2022, such as Maus starting work on the character creator for the disastrous BOSSFIGHT: Song of Sparklemuffin.
/small-cumfurts-episode-1/
All other topics, such as my creative process, the intended final product, and other further clarifications can be found in the Episode 1 – The Otter Pops post.
Episode List So Far
By the third post, we need a navigable list of episodes, so here it is:
- The Otter Pops
- Impropriety With A Vampire
- Getting Biblical
- Heart In The Pocket
And so, without further ado…
Here’s Small Cumfurts: Episode 4 – Heart In The Pocket
Satyrotica Presents
A Lewdonarrative Game
(Artificial Dream Productions)
Small Cumfurts
Written And Programmed By
Asher Wolfstein
Graphics By
That Smug Cat
Music By
Asher Wolfstein
That Smug Cat
Episode 4 - “Heart In The Pocket”
My father was ever the optimist.
The sky was overcast but it wasn’t rainy or damp, surprisingly. I could smell the smoke of some distant fireplace in the cool air.
It was fall. Which means…
It was football season.
Alongside Pumpkin Spice Everything, colored leaves, jack-o-lantern, and ugly sweaters, fall also brought out my dad, the football fan.
So that’s how little ol’ me, decidedly not a football fan, ended up sitting in the bleachers bundled in a jacket on a Friday night.
The game seemed to be going well, judging from my dad’s mood, but from the little I could tell it was close and could turn any moment.
Dad: Alright, now if McLean and Roberts can manage not to make one of their famous critical fumbles, I think we can manage to beat the Spirits.
Simon: I hope so…
Of course, as things with my parents seem to go, I wasn’t being entirely honest.
I surveyed the field looking for #7, the quarterback Childress.
I found the panther, standing around during downtime. Oh man, did he look good tonight. He must be working out cause I swear, he looked more muscular and sexy than last game.
He turned away from me and his glutes, encased in those tight pants and tail protector, practically winked at me. I felt the familiar stirring down below.
And I hated it.
I imagined that troglodyte naked just about every night, and every time I hated myself afterward. How could I let someone who treated everyone, particularly me, like shit get into my head like that?
Why was he so beautiful? It’s like god was telling some kind of strange joke with my hormones, and I was the punchline.
I wanted him to lose. I wanted all the idiots on the team to lose. They could go fuck themselves, but of course, I’d want to watch.
Dad: Hey, I’m outta water. You wanna go down and get a couple of sodas from the concessions?
Simon: Sure, dad.
I got up from my seat and made my way down under the bleachers.
Behind the wooden counter of the somewhat ramshackle stand was the team’s assistant manager Bethany.
Bethany: Oh, hey Simon.
Simon: Hey, Beth.
The tigress smiled and looked down coyly.
Beth: Your dad drag you out to another game?
Simon: Even you have more sense than the old man. Honestly, I’d rather be reading. Two colas, please.
Beth: But, Simon, that’s all you do. It’s not healthy.
She fished two soda cans from a cooler.
Simon: No it isn’t! I have my secrets too.
She paused, her paw on a can.
Beth: You know, I noticed I didn’t get invited to your eighteenth birthday party. Do you really hate the team that much?
Simon: Well, uh, I didn’t have a party.
Beth: What? Why not?
I looked down and to the side. I didn’t want to look her in the eyes.
Simon: I guess I don’t really have many friends.
She pushed the cans towards me,
Beth: Well, that’s too bad. I would’ve come.
She smiled,
Beth: They’re on me.
Simon: Oh, thanks!
Beth: Good luck with your dad.
Sometimes I wonder how much she likes me, and, if I ever felt like it, if she’d say yes if I asked her out. But then I remember how popular she is with the sports clique and I just can’t imagine that ever happening.
Still, wouldn’t it be something, to have her as my beard? The cat they yell, “Faggot!” at bedding, in their minds, the one girl none of them can seem to get.
I turned the corner at the bleachers and made eye contact.
It was Max, the only skunk on the team, and one of my aforementioned secrets; the only one actually at my birthday.
He waved and I waved back, giving a small smile. Ah, poor Max. Here I am cursing his teammates when he just wants to play football.
I started to climb back up the bleachers, maneuvering my way around the pitiful marching band. Many of them were also objects of the team’s derision, so you could say we were comrades in arms.
I sat back down beside Father.
Dad: You were gone a while. Line?
Simon: A little.
Dad: Well, you missed a thrilling surprise pass from outside the pocket.
Simon: Oh…
I absent-mindedly looked down and fiddled with my can.
Dad: Listen, Sport,
I wish he wouldn’t call me that,
Dad: I know that football,
I looked at him with raised eyebrows.
Dad: Okay, I know that sports aren’t really your thing, but I just want you to know how much it means to me that you come out to the game.
Simon: Thanks, Dad.
He put his large paw on the back of my neck.
Dad: It’s just you and me, mano to mano. Besides, maybe someday…
He turned to me,
Dad: Maybe you could read some books on football. That might give you a better appreciation.
Simon: I’ll think about it.
He lifted his arms suddenly in celebration.
Dad: Touchdown! Oh man, that Childress is something. Hard to believe he’s only your age. That kid’s got a bright future.
Simon: Yeah, Childress sure is something…
My name is Simon. I’m an eighteen-year-old black cat and this is my secret gay high school life.
—
The locker room smelled of sweat, crusty underwear, and empty bravado.
Gym class was over, or I should say two gym classes were over: non-competitive and strength training.
You’ll be shocked to learn I was in non-competitive, and Ben Childress was in strength training. I know, big surprise.
The detritus of each class shuffled in and the murmuring began. My locker was right at the gym entrance.
Ben barged in and immediately grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my neck from behind. I put my paws up to my neck.
Simon: Ack, uck!
Ben: How you doing, fucking faggot!
He let go just as suddenly as he had attacked and strode, laughing, on his way to his locker at the other end, next to the football lockers.
I rubbed my neck as I bundled up my t-shirt.
Dean: What the fuck?
The fox in my class was sitting on the beach next to me, tending to his lower locker.
Dean: What a fucking asshole.
I put my paw out as a signal to just drop it. But, I was too late. Ben, half-naked now and totally gorgeous, sauntered up behind Dean.
Ben: Bad-mouthing the star behind his quarterback?
Oh god, he thinks he’s clever.
Dean turned around and put his paw on his hip.
Dean: Y’know Ben, one of these days you should take your dick outta yer ass and stick it back in yer mouth where it belongs. Maybe that’d finally shut your hole.
Ben spread his arms out like he was some hot shot. This seemed to be mostly for the amusement of his simpleton friends.
Ben: Oooh, this little bitch thinks he’s real tough huh?
Some of Ben’s classmates casually laughed.
Ben suddenly grabbed Dean’s scruff and got into his face,
Ben: What’re ya defendin’ this queer for, kit? Ya lovers? Is that it?
Dean was putting on a strong front but I could tell Ben had frightened him.
Dean: You’re an idiot.
Ben seethed for a couple of seconds, then let Dean go.
Ben: You and me Dean, behind the art room after school.
Dean: Yeah, right.
Ben: You better be there so I can crack yer head open.
And with that Ben swaggered, almost comically, back to his locker.
Dean just whispered under his breath,
Dean: What a fucking fantasy world loon.
He put his shirt on over his head and got up.
Dean: Like I don’t have anything better to do.
I put my paw on Dean’s shoulder.
Simon: I appreciate it, but, I can fight my own fights.
Dean shrugged,
Dean: Okay, have it your way. I just don’t know how you can stand to have him call you that.
Dean left the lockers, and now I had a direct line of sight to Ben’s locker.
Maybe because it was really true?
I sat down and started putting my shoes on, idly observing the fine specimen at the other end.
Ben: I forgot my fucking water bottle in my foot locker yesterday…
He turned to the side and started undoing the lock. His football locker was right next to his gym locker.
I watched him hang the lock on a hole on the mesh side inside the locker, but then looked away.
I didn’t dare to be too obvious.
All I could see in my mind’s eye was Ben’s naked body pushing me down onto the bed. He lifts my legs, which I wrap around his waist, and leans forward. His paws touch my chest, brushing my nipples as he begins to mou…
I slapped myself.
I looked around again, my shoes tied, and there were only a couple of stragglers left. I had to go to AP Lit so I got up and headed to the hall entrance.
That’s when I noticed something:
A lock hanging from the metal mesh inside a large locker. Beside it hung a full-fledged authentic high school football uniform.
I hadn’t really thought about it a whole lot upon first notice, but it stuck in my head.
Today was a group discussion around the assigned short story, “The Rocking Horse Winner.”
Oh, I had almost forgotten last night! I read the story by D. H. Lawrence and I could almost cut the sexual tension built up in my head with a machéte.
I ended up masturbating, caught up with the image of that rocking horse swaying with such fervor; of how the son had economically usurped the ineffectual father… it was intense.
Of course, I couldn’t say that.
The other kids were trying to dissect the story from the usual angles, but I got the impression everyone was uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Mr. Walters piped up,
Mr. Walters: What about the Freudian angle?
At that, Christian good-girl Teresa spoke up, or more like started sputtering,
Teresa: That’s just gross. That never happens, it’s not even a valid line of thought. Freud was just a sick man, most of his theories have been debunked. No little boy ever feels like that.
I smiled, annoyed,
Simon: Tell me, Teresa, when was the last time you were a little boy?
Teresa: Well, I was little, just not a…
Simon: Exactly. How the hell do you know what little boys think and feel if you’ve never been one, let alone asked?
Mr. Walters laughed. I think this was his plan all along. It also indirectly solidified something for me too in a weird way.
Mr. Walters: So what do you think guys? Simon has a point.
I was going to do it.
Fuck ‘em all, but especially, fuck Ben Childress.
—
I stayed at my locker longer than usual after school. I had a habit of taking a long time anyway, not really wanting to go home, so this was pretty late.
It was late enough that I finally spotted, when I went to the restroom, what I’d been waiting for.
I swiped a couple of trash bags from the janitor’s portable cache and immediately beelined past my locker, picking up my backpack.
No football practice tonight. I was lucky.
The lights were off in the sweat stain of the building, but that didn’t intimidate me.
I opened Ben’s football locker and took a second to stare at the glorious uniform; an intimidating symbol of virility, popularity, and good ol’ 50s status quo masculinity.
“Maybe you do read too much,” I thought to myself as I began stuffing everything in the locker into my double-bagged trash pouch.
I was so excited that I could barely contain myself and started to sweat. With each grab, the bag felt heavier, but I felt lighter.
Finally, everything, and I mean everything, was in my trash bag. There was only one thing left to do.
I grabbed the padlock and closed the door. I clicked the lock close into the hole and it was done. The perfect crime, how did anyone get into a locked locker?
I took a deep breath. Now to get out.
I peered out into the dark gym from the locker room. Everything suddenly seemed eerier than I anticipated.
If I went through the wrestling room, then the weights room, I would pop out a door behind the school. Then it was just one block home. Perfect.
—
I did it!
It was late at night and both of my parents were asleep. It was the perfect time to retrieve my prize.
I slid out of bed in only my underwear and slowly opened my door to reveal the shadowy hallway.
What do they call them? Cat burglars? With my all-black fur, that’s definitely what I was that night.
On the way home I realized I couldn’t stash my loot with my parents in the house, too many questions. So I propped it next to the trash can, to be inconspicuous.
The plan had worked.
Dragging the bag behind me I started making my way back when I turned the corner into the kitchen.
Simon: Dad!
I promptly dropped hold of the bag and tried to scoot it back with my foot.
Dad: Oh, hi Champ. So that’s why this light’s on.
Simon: Huh? … Oh! Right! Yeah, couldn’t sleep.
I feigned a yawn.
Dad: Oh? Me neither, so I came down for a little snack and the light was already on.
Simon: Yeah, I just needed some fresh air…
Dad: In your underwear? I hope you didn’t go out on the porch like that.
Simon: Oh no! Haha, I was going to the bathroom…
Dad: Downstairs?
Simon: After I got some water! Then, I, uh, was going to open the window in my room.
Dad: …
Beads of sweat started to run down my back.
Dad: Well, there wasn’t anything good in the fridge, so…
He stepped closer to me. My heart started to race.
Then he stopped and reached up into the liquor cabinet, pulling out his favorite vodka and tonic. He looked up at me like I was intruding,
Dad: Well…
Simon: Hmm?
Dad: Are you gonna get some water?
Simon: Oh, yeah, of course!
I slyly gave the bag another good kick back and then stepped into the kitchen.
I poured myself a glass of water while my father served himself his usual vodka tonic. I was drinking when he gulped from the glass and firmly set it back on the counter.
He turned to me,
Dad: …
I finished my water and set the glass on the counter. He continued to look at me.
Dad: …
Suddenly, he did a sort of burp-hiccup, what we called the dinosaur noise, and pounded his chest with his right paw.
Dad: Well, g’night.
And with that, he plodded heavily upstairs.
I realized I’d been holding my breath, and finally let it out,
Simon: Whew! That was close.
—
Ben: What the fuck!?
I looked across the locker room as I pulled my pants off. There was the beautiful, loathsome panther just staring at his football locker.
He lifted his paws to the side of his head,
Ben: Somebody stole my stuff!!
At this point, everyone who had shuffled in for gym was looking at the panther, who was beginning to rev up to full panic mode.
Ben: What am I gonna do for practice?
Some other classmate, presumably a teammate, put his paw on Ben’s arm,
Team Mate: Dude, calm down…
It actually looked like Ben might cry when he pushed the paw away.
Ben: Coach’ll be pissed. You have to pay if you lose your gear…
And with that, he stormed out of the locker room.
I smiled to myself as I put my t-shirt on.
Just then Dean came in and sat down to get ready. He glanced at me,
Dean: You look unusually happy for gym… did I miss something?
Simon: Oh, well, somebody apparently stole Ben’s stuff out of his football locker.
Dean looked over and looked back, also smiling.
Dean: Well, wadda ya know! I guess somebody finally got fed up with his shit.
Gym went pretty normally. It was pickleball today, and as with every game we play, I sucked.
When we were back in the locker room I didn’t see Ben again. I wonder if he even went to class.
Just then a police officer walked in from the hallway entrance with a distraught Ben and the Dean Of Students behind him.
My jaw dropped…
Simon: You gotta be kidding me.
Dean looked over and then looked back at me a little strangely.
Dean: …
He started tying his shoes,
Dean: Guess they’re taking this pretty seriously…
Simon: Yeah…
I hurriedly finished getting dressed and started out the hallway exit. But, something stopped me just before Ben’s locker. The officer had his paws on his hips.
Police Officer: It looks like the perp must’ve known the combination.
He turned to Ben,
Police Officer: You ever share your combination with anyone, son?
Ben noticed me standing nearby and scowled,
Ben: Whadda you want?
The Dean Of Students pointed to the door,
Dean Of Students: Move along, Simon.
I rushed out of the locker room; my heart racing, my breathing hard, and my paws shaking. It was all hitting me at once.
What had I gotten myself into?
—
Math class had been a blur. I kept imagining myself being handcuffed in front of everybody, like a bad dream, and being shipped off to god knows where.
But by World Geography I was calming down a bit.
The police seemed to have the wrong lead anyway. I didn’t know the combination. And they were unlikely to use fingerprints on such a silly school prank case.
I hoped.
Of course, what had I really even fully touched?
I think. I hoped I was in…
I was pretty sure I was in the clear.
But apparently, I wasn’t the smartest criminal ever. I still felt the need to tell someone. I was eighteen, and this was my first, and only, real crime.
That’s where Max came in.
I told him in study hall,
Simon: Max, you gotta come over to my house after school today.
Max: What, why?
Simon: I got something to show you.
Max: I got football practice dimwit.
Simon: Then come after practice!
Max: What do you want to show me?
Simon: It’s a surprise.
Max just looked at me strangely,
Max: Come on, man, what is it?
Simon: You’ll see!
Max rolled his eyes and went back to his French. I could hardly contain my excitement. I pretty much pretended to read my Biology book for the rest of the period.
All I could think of was that magnificent football gear hanging in the corner of my closet; almost like a shrine to that desperate look on Ben’s stupid pretty face.
—
Max: Holy shit, dude!
The skunk just stared in awe at the sight before him. There was Ben’s jersey, shoulder pads, pants, cleats, and gloves laid out nicely on my bed. It was like Ben was naked in front of us.
Max: Simon! Holy shit!
I just smiled and laughed.
Max: You shoulda seen Ben and Coach at practice tonight. The coach was all like, “This kind of prank isn’t tolerated,” and Ben was pissed. He started accusing people, with me first!
Simon: Oh, rough.
Max: You’re fuckin’ tellin’ me! I think by the end of practice half the team was suspecting me, just cause I’m the odd one out! Fuckin’ speciesism…
Simon: Oh Max, I’m sorry.
Max: And it’s you! It’s my best friend, my homobuddy, my gay comrade that’s done it!
Simon: …
Max let out a sigh. I wasn’t sure just how mad he was at me. I could never quite accurately read him.
Max: Well, it is what it is.
Simon: Huh?
Max: Simon, remember what you told me on your birthday?
I was a bit surprised by this response,
Simon: Uh, no… which part?
Max: Oh, come on, the part you wouldn’t tell anyone else.
Simon: That… I’m a virgin?
Max: Yep, and you remember what I said when you asked me?
Simon: Yeah, you said kinda. It kinda pissed me off. How do you kinda be a virgin? You either are or you aren’t, dolt.
Max cocked his head to the side, seemingly more in thought than listening to me.
Max: Maybe.
I turned to face the shrine of masculinity.
Simon: And I said, “Who?” and you said, “Nobody.” And I’m like, who the fuck else is gay, and you wouldn’t tell me…
Max put his paw up to my chest in a stopping motion,
Max: Enough historian. And once again, I don’t want to sleep with you.
Simon: I wasn’t really asking…
Max turned to me, both paws on my shoulders.
Max: You’ve hurt my team Simon, but, frankly, fuck my team. You’ve opened the door, and now, you’re going to step through it.
Simon: What the fuck are you going on about skunk?
Max: I gotta go Simon. But, I’m coming back after practice tomorrow, so you better be prepared.
Max was about to leave,
Simon: Prepared? Prepared for what?
Max turned back to me, a serious expression on his face,
Max: Just expect me here, tomorrow, after practice.
And he left.
I sat down, bewildered, next to the stolen uniform. I absentmindedly stroked a pant leg. What’s with that kid?
I picked up a glove and fondled it in my paw.
Gotta last ‘til tomorrow.
—
The next day at school everyone was abuzz with one thing: who stole Ben’s uniform and how’d they get in the locker?
People had some wild theories. My favorite was that Coach Hanson secretly ferreted it away for his own perverse fetish play.
Of course, I had to play it cool when someone suggested Ben might have a secret admirer. I scoffed,
Simon: What girl is even attracted to that piece of shit?
I thought I handled it well, but the faces of the others worried me.
It was so strange, still being basically no one to anyone and yet everyone was unknowingly talking about me. I was finally popular, but I was the only one who knew it.
I decided that needed to change. I decided I’d kick ‘em while they’re down.
After Spanish, I waited outside the door for Beth to come out. When she finally did I approached her from behind.
Simon: Bethany.
The tigress spun around surprised.
Oh, she looked particularly pretty today. Her hair glowed in the sunlight streaming in from the skylight. Her eyes looked so big and innocent.
Bethany: Oh! It’s you! Hi, Simon.
I clenched my fist behind my back, nervous as all hell.
Simon: Hi. Beth, I was just curious if, uh…
Beth raised her eyebrows expectantly, making her eyes even bigger.
Could I do this?
I nervously put my paw behind my head on my neck.
Simon: Well, uh, you see…
Beth started to smile…
Simon: I guess homecoming’s coming up, and I, *ahem*
She got that coy look in her eyes again…
Beth: Are you… asking me out Simon?
I just about fell over,
Simon: Guh! Yeah! That’s… that’s what I’m doing.
I put my arms down,
Simon: Bethany, will you go out with me? I mean, at least to the homecoming dance?
Bethany: Oh Simon,
She grabbed my paw with both of hers,
Bethany: I thought you’d never ask! Of course, I will!
She looked down the hall,
Bethany: But, I gotta go, class.
Then she leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek, and ran off.
I just stood there.
My first real kiss from anybody…
And it was from a girl.
What am I doing?
—
Tonight’s dinner was vegetable pasta with fishloaf. Great.
Mom and I sat around the table. Ever since my older brother left for college, the TV in the corner of the dining room was often on even through dinner.
I guess I’m not as talkative as he is.
My father was downing his favorite from the cabinet, a vodka and tonic, before coming to sit with us. He pounded his chest in a burp as he sat down.
We ate in silence for a minute or two, the TV playing out some cop drama about abused kids.
Then Dad spoke,
Dad: The teams are looking great this year.
Simon: Teams?
Dad: My teams, you know Sport, the high school, and my alma mater.
Simon: Hmph.
Dad: You know,
He leaned forward,
Dad: I heard something interesting from one of the football dads.
Simon: Oh?
I half-cared.
Dad: Yeah, seems Childress’ entire locker contents were stolen the other day.
Now I cared a whole lot.
Dad: And now he has to wear used discards until they can line up new equipment for the boy.
He was staring dead eyes at me. What is this? I involuntarily paused mid-bite.
Yeah, so not a giveaway.
Mom: Oh, the poor dear.
I glared at Mom.
Dad took the bite he had suspended on his fork and leaned back.
Dad: I know some of the kids in school, like the band or drama department, aren’t real fond of the sports teams…
I put down my fork,
Simon: Maybe ‘cause they get all the funding every year…
Dad: And that’s to be expected. And I know some of them are your friends.
I gulped.
Mom: Honey?
Dad: You wouldn’t happen to know anything about this would you, Scout?
I picked up my fork and ate a quick bite,
Simon: Nope. I know nothing.
I continued to eat like the conversation was over, which I wish it was. Dad’s eyes narrowed, but he relaxed and took another bite.
Mom: That Childress really is a sweet kid.
I couldn’t believe it.
Dad: Yeah, such a hard worker; got a bright future ahead of him…
I couldn’t take it anymore…
Simon: For what, Sebastian?
Dad’s eyes shot right at mine.
Dad: ‘Scuse me?
Simon: Oh, yeah, such a bright future. So he can grow up to be what? An upper-middle-class alcoholic schmuck obsessed with a stupid pointless game he can’t play anymore?
The only sound that dared to pierce through the tension was the dumb detective on TV.
*ka dun dun*
Sebastian: Why you little…
My father stood up, so I stood up.
Simon: You think we can’t see what’s right in front of us Dad? I found your basement stash and your handles in the shed. Who does that Sebastian? Who does that but what you are, a washed-up alcoholic?
My mother shot up, putting out a restraining paw towards my now spumescent father. His eyes looked like they were going to just pop out of his face.
Mom: Simon Carmichael! What the hell has gotten into you?
I was out of control.
All my frustration, all my secrets, all my anger just came out. My parents got what Ben deserved.
Simon: And you, Mom… So wrapped up in Jesus you can’t even see what’s right in front of you.
My mother gasped, clutching her necklace.
I was just shouting now.
Simon: Ben Childress is not a good boy. He’s a shitty boy. He treats everyone like shit, especially me. And here you are, fawning all over him. Did you know I got my first girlfriend today?
They just looked at me stunned,
Simon: Do you even care!?
Mom: Simon Balthazar Carmichael you go to your room right now!
Mom finally took charge.
I just about leaped from where I was standing and ran upstairs.
I slammed the door behind me and face-planted right onto my pillow. I started to shake, and before I knew what was wrong with me I was sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow.
—
I was looking out my window, just staring at the almost set sun when I heard a knock on the door.
Simon: Who is it?
???: It’s Max!
I sat upright, shocked, and quickly opened the door.
There Max greeted me, still dressed up in his football uniform. He lifted a paw.
Max: Hi.
Simon: H- hi.
He stepped in, his cleats making a sort of velcro sound on the carpet. I just stepped around him.
Simon: My parents let you in?
Max: Yeah! But they didn’t seem real happy about it.
Simon: Heh, yeah, well, we had a big fight. What was my dad doing?
Max: He was just sittin’ in the dark watchin’ Cox News in the livin’ room. He seemed zoned out.
Simon: It’s called altered Max. He was altered. I’m so surprised.
Max looked sideways in his helmet.
Max: Huh, okay…
I closed the door behind us.
Simon: Welcome to my afterschool special life!
Max pointed at the door with his gloved hand,
Max: Can you lock that door?
Simon: Yeah, why?
Max: You’re gonna wanna lock it.
I locked it,
Simon: Yeah, sure… hey, why are you still in uniform? I didn’t think you were supposed to take ‘em home. Are you in a hurry?
Max: We’re not, but you’ll see…
He started to take all of his gear off,
Max: Go get Ben’s uniform and lay it down on the floor here, next to mine.
Simon: Uh… okay, why?
Max: Trust me, dude, just do it.
I did as I was told as he continued to take off his gear. I placed them like he did as if it would go on someone.
Then he faced me, dressed in only underarmadillo and socks.
Max: Now, strip.
Simon: WHAT?!
Max: Take all your clothes off dummy. Strip!
Simon: Max, I thought we talked about this. I don’t wanna…
Max: Do you want to stay a virgin? Besides,
I just stared at him dumbfounded,
Max: It won’t be with me anyway.
Simon: What’re you talking about?
Max: Just trust me, you gotta do this. Strip!
Confused, I took off my shirt. He started peeling the tight spandex off of himself. His naked hips and butt revealed themselves which, I have to say, piqued my interest.
I started to undo my belt buckle,
Simon: Then, if it’s not you… who am I gonna fuck?
Max, now confident I’d do as he said, flashed me an evil grin,
Max: Ben Childress.
My pants dropped,
Simon: WHAT!?
He put his paws on me, now naked, and gently pushed me, causing me to step out of the last of my clothes. He was laughing,
Max: No, not really, but…
He put his paw up to his nose, tapping it,
Max: It’ll be an incredible simulation.
We both stood there totally naked and vulnerable.
Simon: Max, you gotta explain something.
He motioned to the bed.
Max: Being a gay outcast teenage footballer has given me a unique opportunity to gain a special sort of insight.
We both sat on the edge of my bed, facing the uniforms laid out in front of us.
Max: Objects have a life of their own you know. They listen to our hopes and our dreams. They pick up our thoughts, and especially our desires. And what gay teenager worth his glitter hasn’t fantasized over the quarterback at the homecoming game?
My jaw dropped.
Max laughed,
Max: Oh come on, it’s obvious!
I turned to face the suits. Suddenly it all clicked.
This was a thing, and it was happening.
Max: Now lay down on the bed and be quiet.
We both lay down, our legs bent over the edge, our feet almost dangling.
Max started whispering,
Max: Now, concentrate on all the things you’ve fantasized about but couldn’t have. Concentrate on… Ben Childress.
I scrunched my eyes shut and tried to visualize every inch of the quarterback’s incredible body. In my mind’s eye there he was, fondling my balls with his paw over my mouth…
Then I heard a sort of rustle.
My eyes shot open.
Max: Don’t open your eyes! Not yet!
I immediately closed them.
Now Childress was going up and down on my member with his snout, the panther’s shoulder and arm muscles flexing as he held my hips.
More small sounds came from the other side of the room. Something bumped the chair.
This was really happening! The thought of a disembodied football suit made my dick shoot straight up.
I heard a couple of footsteps across the carpet. They sounded like velcro.
Finally, I felt something beginning to lightly touch my hip, and I couldn’t help it. I opened my eyes.
There standing over me was none other than Childress’ uniform, fully formed with armbands and everything. The empty helmet tilted down, presumably to look at me.
I looked over at Max, and my eyes widened.
His legs were already apart. The hips of his uniform were nestled between them, the upper body leaning over him. His gloves were tweaking his nipples.
He was in paradise.
I turned back to my version of heaven. The uniform’s gloves were gently pulling my legs apart, which they did quite happily.
I stared, fascinated by the gloves with a mind of their own. The hips having moved in, they were now lifting my legs to wrap them around the jersey.
The sewn-up crotch started to rub up and down across my tailhole, taint, and balls. The disembodied creature was getting itself worked up too.
The gloves, which were thankfully not too textured, started playing with my cock. One held itself over my balls while the other used its fingers and thumb to gently begin stroking it.
I tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and let out a little moan.
Max: Careful, we gotta be quiet. Your parents!
I looked over at Max as he spoke.
His arms were around his uniform, just under the shoulder pads, and his legs were up in the air. The uniformed ass maneuvered some and then I saw Max’s face briefly grimace.
Suddenly, the bed started to shake slightly as his uniform started to pump and buck its hips. Max had this glazed look over his face.
It was really fucking him!
With even greater appreciation I turned back to Childress’ uniform. It was now leaning over me, rubbing its crotch bulge against my cock. The helmet hung somewhat over my head.
Then I felt some motion against my penis. The crotch was unlacing itself.
I knew what was coming. My whole nubile body wanted it so badly.
Childress’ uniform stood up and grabbed both my legs under the knee. It lifted them and pushed them forward, making my tailhole more accessible…
Before I knew it, something warm and surprisingly fleshy was probing at my entrance. I held my breath and braced myself.
The suit bent down slightly, but not over me. The gloves ran up my sides and then gripped my pecs. I felt a short pain down there.
For a second, it felt like I really had to go, and I grimaced as well, but as it went deeper it got better.
The suit stood back up, one glove playing with my chest and nipples, while the other glove started gently stroking my cock. By this time some pre had come out, so there was a little lubrication.
I brought my paw up and gently touched the back of the glove flicking my nipple. I watched it in an erotic haze. The glove felt alive, strong… amazing.
The suit’s hips began to really thrust in and out of me and I could feel its sizeable mass, whatever it was, inside. Oh god, it was hitting that spot.
Quickly, the familiar interplay between the tip of my pecker and my prostate began. With every thrust, I could feel it tingle and grow more intense right at my frenulum.
I heard a muffled moan to my right.
Max’s face was turned towards me but his glove was over his mouth. I looked down and could see jizz oozing out of Max’s cock.
I was already close, but that was about it. I looked back up once more at my football uniform adonis, swaying with the thrusts.
Suddenly, a glove covered my muzzle too, and…
Oh god, oh god, oh god…
I started shooting cum all over the glove and my belly. I think I actually almost hit my face. My whole body lurched and my hips bucked while the suit held me down. I screamed into the glove.
It was the best orgasm I’d ever had in my short life.
I opened my eyes and found myself looking right into Max’s.
Suddenly everything that had been alive only seconds before dropped by the pull of gravity. Everything was once again flat and dull.
Simon: Max!
I panted heavily,
Simon: Max, that was incredible!
Max smiled a totally spent smile,
Max: I told you to trust me.
We laid there in the afterglow for about fifteen seconds.
Max: How’s it feel to not be a virgin, you know, kinda?
Simon: It feels great!
I was still catching my breath,
Simon: My mother would have a field day with whatever just happened here. Call it demonic possession.
Max: Yeah, well, sorry Simon, but fuck your mom.
Simon: God, I feel like I’m gonna just pass out.
Max: You do that, I’ll clean up. I gotta get outta here anyway.
I started breathing more evenly… about to go black.
Simon: Max?
Max: Hmm?
Simon: thanks.
Max: No problem, buddy. What are friends for?
Then I passed out.
—
When I woke up the next morning I was in my bed, right way up, and a sheet was over me.
I sat straight up. The events of last night ran through my head. What the fuck happened?
I quickly got out of bed and threw my closet open.
It was gone!
The suit was gone!
Simon: Well, that little conniving good for nothing…
But I paused.
Did what happened even really happen? It all seemed so much like a dream. Had Max even been here?
I got dressed and headed downstairs.
My mother and father were sitting at the table as I came down. I started to pass them…
Mom: Simon, your fath…
Simon: I apologize for everything guys. I didn’t mean it!
Dad: We gotta ta…
I sped by them,
Simon: No time, gotta run to school. I love you guys, you’re the best!
And I was out the door.
I ran. I ran with all my might to school. It was like I couldn’t run fast enough.
—
People were still milling in the commons before the bell rang. I frantically searched for Max.
I finally found him just sitting alone at a non-descript table, his head in his arms.
Simon: Max!
Max lifted his head. He looked irritated.
Max: Oh? What the fuck do you want?
Simon: What?! Why are you angry at me? I should be angry with you!
Max: Oh, really? For what, tellin’ you the truth?
Simon: What are you talking about?
Max: Last night idiot, remember? We got into a big fight because of everything.
I just looked at Max, completely perplexed. His gaze went from one of anger to one of slight worry.
Max: Do you not remember?
I pulled out a chair and sat down facing the bewildered skunk.
Simon: Max, you have to trust me, where is the suit?
Max: …
Max: Don’t you have it?
Simon: I thought you took it.
Max: Why the fuck would I want it?
Simon: I don’t know!
I scooted closer to Max.
Simon: Max, I know you’re angry with me right now, but I don’t know why. Tell me what happened last night.
Max: What’s wrong with you, dude? I’m not gonna repeat myself.
Simon: You aren’t, trust me.
Max just looked at me, contemplating something in his head. He abruptly stood up.
Max: Look, you showed me,
His voice lowered,
Max: … Childress’ uniform again and I flipped. It’s why I came over there. I was pissed because the whole team is now accusing me of doing it, that’s when we got into a fight and I stormed out.
Simon: … I don’t remember that.
Max: Look, Simon, I’m your best friend so I guess I have to tell you.
Max: You’ve changed!
Simon: …
Max: You used to be fun, interestin’, and above all honest. Now you’re stealin’ shit, gettin’ in trouble with the police, arguin’ with your parents…
I splayed my ears back and looked away from the truth.
Max: I also heard about Bethany.
Simon: …
Max: Christ, Simon, what were you thinkin’? She really likes you. She sighs longin’ly every time we pass your house on the bus. What are ya gonna do now?
I glared up at Max, clenching my fists.
Max: Oh, you gonna fight me now? Is that what this comes to? When are you goin’ to realize your decisions, your actions, your lies affect other people?
I unclenched my fists.
He was right.
Max: Call me when you figure that out, otherwise leave me alone.
He walked away.
Fuck.
What do I do now?
—
I was still reeling in World Geography.
How many shocks can one heart take in a day?
Earlier, before gym, in the locker room…
The suit was back in the locker!
Of course, Ben was ecstatic, and kept boasting how he must’ve intimidated the right person into returning it, the ‘lily-livered little pussy.’
I was once again… dumbfounded.
But, now that I thought about it, it was a huge load off my back.
Max’s words resounded in the cavity that was now my head. He was right, dammit. I didn’t want him to be, but he was.
Well…
I guess…
I’ll have to make it right, of course.
I resigned myself to my fate.
Spanish had assigned seating, so all Beth could do was keep batting her eyes at me and smiling. I smiled back.
When class let out she made a beeline right to me. Great.
Beth: So, Simon, let’s eat together at lunch.
I smiled meekly at her.
Simon: Okay, I mean, that makes sense.
She held my paw as we walked to the lunchroom. Oh god, I could feel how happy she was, which made me feel so much worse.
My lunch was in my backpack, but she had to go through the line, so I picked an empty table for us.
I looked across to where Max and I usually sat, and he was there. Of course. He just looked at me, shaking his head.
Beth came back and sat next to me, giving me a little hug. She was smiling.
Simon: Beth, I…
Beth: Simon,
I looked at her, interrupted, but waiting,
Beth: Am I your first girlfriend?
Simon: Heh, well, yeah, I guess you are.
She narrowed her eyes…
Beth: And you’re a senior?
Simon: Yeah…
She got this contemplative look on her face, almost a worried look as she bit her lower lip and furrowed her eyebrows.
Simon: Beth, I wan…
Beth: Why me?
Simon: Huh?
Beth: Why’d you suddenly ask me? It’s not like we even hang out.
Simon: Beth, I hav…
Beth: Don’t get me wrong, I like you a lot. Always have…
Simon: Beth, I’m gay!
Time seemed to stand still.
She just sat there, mid-sentence, maw open, as if someone had pushed pause.
I moved my paw gently to touch hers, but she suddenly jerked away.
Simon: I’m sorry.
She just about melted in her chair. I wasn’t sure what was keeping her from just sliding right out of it.
Beth: Ugggggggh…
She sat up, her hands almost cursing the skies,
Beth: Of course!
Simon: Of course?
Beth: Of course you’re gay. Oh, god, it all makes sense now. How could I be so stupid?
Simon: Beth…
She turned to me, flabbergasted,
Beth: What, you wanna get married now? What?
Simon: Why did you like me?
She paused. I could tell she was mad, but gradually that seemed to fade.
Beth: You really want to know?
I nodded sheepishly.
Beth: Ever since I shot up, and out, boys have noticed me.
I just looked at her innocently. She sighed.
Beth: And the boys who seemed to notice me the most, well, I’m not an idiot, I could see they were total jerks.
I chuckled a little bit,
Simon: Like Ben Childress?
Beth: Exactly like Ben Childress.
Beth; They’re all the same. They think might makes right, and that they and their grossly overestimated dicks are god’s gift to women. Ha!
Simon: Childress thinks he’s got a doozy down there huh?
We both laughed this time.
Beth: The truth is, they’re all a bunch of little boys who only think with one head, scared shitless of not being at the top of some made-up hierarchy. They’re always fighting, boasting, and most disgusting of all picking on guys who have it in them to be real men.
I just stared at her.
Simon: Li… like me, maybe?
She placed her index finger on my chest.
Beth: Exactly like you Simon.
We both sat for a few seconds looking at each other, silently appreciating.
Simon: I think I like you, Beth.
She put her paw on my paw and squeezed it.
Beth: I know.
Beth: And I like you.
I smiled.
Beth: Oh, if only you were straight. But, I should’ve figured. It’s what attracted me to you in the first place.
Simon: What?
Beth: You never noticed me! At least, not like the other boys. I liked that. A lot.
Simon: You know…
I put my paw on top of hers,
Simon: We could still go out.
She bit her lower lip and looked off into the distance.
Beth: You mean, be your beard?
Simon: I’m impressed! But yeah, basically. You of all people know I can’t be out here. Not at this time, not with these people.
Beth: Alright, consider it a deal.
She stuck her paw out, and I proceeded to shake it.
Beth: Let’s eat!
I looked over my shoulder, back to Max. He was sitting there, half a sandwich in his face.
He raised his arm, and on the end of it was a thumbs up.
—
That day after school I actually went straight home. No dawdling today.
I approached the front of my house with trepidation. I looked up into the window of my room and took a deep breath.
Inside was remarkably quiet.
Simon: Mom? Dad?
I took a few steps inside, the light wasn’t on and it was dark.
Simon: I’m home…
Then I heard the voice.
Mom: Come in the kitchen dear…
Uh-oh.
I timidly stepped into the kitchen and I could see both my parents sitting at the table in the adjoining dining room.
Uh-oh.
Dad: Come sith with us, Simon. We need to talk.
I stepped into the lit dining room. Everything started to seem surreal. It was like I was there, but I wasn’t at the same time.
I set down my backpack next to my chair, and then carefully sat in the chair, facing both my parents.
Mom: We have some things to say to you…
Dad: But, we wanted to see if you had anything to say to us.
I bit my lower lip. An eternity seemed to pass.
Mom: Simon, honey, what’s going on?
I clenched my eyes shut and that part of me that wasn’t really there heard the part of me that was there blurt it out,
Simon: I’m gay.
—
Life was never quite the same after I finally came clean to everyone, including myself.
I never stole anything after that, so there’s that.
Max started talking to me again, and Beth, well, we actually had a lot of fun together.
Overall, when I was eighteen, I finally started my journey to manhood… I even got the girl!
But I learned that I guess, what really matters most in life…
Is the small comforts along the way.
Don’t take them for granted.