When I ventured forth after graduating from group therapy in Boulder in 2001, I didn’t do much.
Haha. That’s a good one.
Actually, I took all my pills (Effexor) and then drove to the CU campus. On the way, I demolished a book section in a grocery store and stole a beer while underage. I just stuck it in my pocket and walked right past the security guard. I laughed in my car, drinking and driving, as I passed a sign that said not to drink and drive.
Once I got to campus, I drove my used Pontiac Grand Am over the little walkway bridge and right into the center of the ‘quad’ where Cockerell Hall’s entrance was. I walked in and asked for access from the shocked faces of my used-to-be dorm mate one door down, which they gave me!
Then, they called the campus police. I walked to my previous dorm room and said “Hello!” to Colin Pierce (my previous roommate), who was, unsurprisingly, high as a fucking kite.
I knocked on my brother-in-law’s door but was told to go away. I read the comments on his door whiteboard calling him gay, chuckled, and then went upstairs to the girl’s halls. There, I offered my beer to a couple of girls in the hallway.
I told them I stole it “just for you.”
Suddenly, my adopted brother’s girlfriend Olivia came out and confronted me, super concerned. I offered her the beer when I suddenly saw a peace officer appearing at the end of the hallway.
I put the beer down and bolted, pulling off matrix moves as I flew down the stairs. I scrambled to my car and put it in reverse. System of a Down‘s Chop Suey! blasted. The peace officer slipped on the ice (I could easily run on ice because of where I came from) and cut his hand, and then I almost backed over him while he threw his baton at my back window.
I careened across campus because, well, there were no actual streets. Instead of fumbling my tires down sets of stairs next to the stadium (where I had called my mother often on the payphone when I was attending) and getting stuck in a hole, I found my way to Euclid Avenue.
Being a psychotic moron, I turned on to Euclid, slowed down, acted ‘normal,’ and thought, “Nobody will notice me now.”
Of course, it was 3:30 AM, they did (I now know I should’ve ditched the car immediately), and I was full-blown arrested. I was charged with Endangering A Peace Officer, Obstruction of Justice, and Illegal Activity On Public Property.
[ED August 9, 2026: Apparently obsessed sociopaths need to be reminded that being charged with these things doesn’t mean that they are on my criminal record, which, they aren’t. If I were them, I wouldn’t go around telling people that I have a criminal record.]
While the officer was driving me to the police station this time. Handcuffed in the back, I pondered, “Do I let my heart explode in temporary holding? Or should I say something?”
Life choices, am I right?
I announced that I had overdosed severely on Effexor, so he made a U-turn in those round-about things all over and took me to the hospital.
At the hospital, while handcuffed to the hospital bed (first time of several to come), one of the nurses told me he was the father of one of my friends from back home.
The nurse took my pulse and told me my resting pulse was approximately 180 – 200 bpm. Not so good. Mouth was dry as fuck. Then, I had to drink liquid charcoal for the first time. I’m a pro! Too bad they stopped doing that. I gagged at first and had black shit all over me. Lying in the hospital bed, covered with black shit, my older brother (who I’d been living with) came in and told me, essentially, that he loved me, was disappointed, I was delusional, needed to let things go, and frustrated, that if I was intent on killing myself to at least “get it right next time.”
It was highly supportive.
After I returned home from the Boulder Behavioral Science Center, I had to meet the lawyer in my small town, and she said, after I had lost my medical leave of absence from the university, that I could plead not guilty, stressing my mental health condition for my actions.
I said that was okay; I’d plead guilty while asking for leniency due to mental health.
She was shocked.
I told her what my father had told me: “It’s your responsibility to keep yourself out of getting into a state where you act like an irrational fool and can’t ‘control’ yourself. You know you have a condition or, at least, that others don’t accept your behaviors when you get like that, so now you must take care of it and consider what happens when you choose not to fulfill your responsibility.”
Guilt is not a big thing in my family.
I pleaded guilty, got a deferral, and did community service at the High School I attended. My record became clean once again, and I had to pay the remaining tuition to CU for my first-semester classes. All of which I was forced to get an F in, torpedoing my quite high GPA.
I never returned to college, thank God.
I’m a non-working 5x-10x programmer whose last job was standing on a street corner in a bad store-bought fursuit, holding a sign for a dog grooming and sitting business.
It was a dream job.
On that note, I was voted “most likely to succeed” in my class, and I think I fucking nailed it!
Being an adult is hard, but taking responsibility for your conditions and behaviors, no matter what they may be, is always worth it. Nobody else is inherently responsible for my mental health, fulfilling my needs, making sure I feel valuable, or keeping me from killing myself, and they have never been since then, not even my brother or father (clearly).
It’s tough for my father to be responsible for me now, though, since he starved himself to death.
It helps when, essentially, you stop fucking around and just, you know, figure it out like an adult, even if it takes 20 years.
Oh, also, if you file any court document about someone else, like a police report, the person you’re talking about will most likely see it. The accused have rights, after all. I saw everyone’s reports on me and how scared they were that the ‘dorm shooter’ was roaming the hallways.
I was never going to shoot anyone, but hey, that’s what happens when you piss off the wrong person, right?
Followed bsky.app – 3l6soebhk5326
Reader
I followed,
https://pdsls.dev/at://did:plc:z72i7hdynmk6r22z27h6tvur/app.bsky.actor.profile/self
Bluesky
official Bluesky account (check username👆) Bugs, feature requests, feedback: support@bsky.app
[Collected August 25, 2026]
Data
BlueSky – 3l6sowt3jzk2n: “Devotion to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more h…
Reader
“Devotion to the truth is the hallmark of morality; there is no greater, nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the responsibility of thinking.”
― Ayn Rand
Data
People Think That A Liar Gains A Victory
Reader
Data
3l6soykwqlk2m
Reader
“People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that …
Data
3l6soyyb5xz2e
Reader
… person’s view requires to be faked. The man who lies to the world is the world’s slave from then on. There are no white lies. There is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.”
— Ayn Rand
Data
Followed merryjest.live – 3l6sp4drtwl23
Reader
I followed,
https://pdsls.dev/at://did:plc:a6qrzwx7hw5lqdpz2wkc23hl/app.bsky.actor.profile/self
Merryjest Starchild
Opera singer, SFW artist, game-dev, poet, composer and writer. Ultima Dragon. Taoist. Fillo de meiga Music: glimmerpatch.com Abusers brigade-reported me as a ‘rude’. Read my posts. Does the label fit? #art #furryart #music #originalmusic #poetry #Ultima
[Collected August 25, 2026]
Data
kadar.talbot | Reply alwaysdreamn.bsky.social – 3l6spmkrzzh2r
Reader
I replied to,
Click To Enlarge
With,
kadar.talbot
Data
You Are Capable Of Deliberate Cruelty
Reader
I’m always frustrated by individuals who claim that it isn’t in them to deliberately cause harm (to someone): it’s not part of their personality, they would never do that, they’re not capable, it’s against their nature, or it doesn’t exist within them.
If you’re a human, this is profoundly false.
Every human being is capable of deliberately causing harm given the right input: circumstances, feelings, justifications, thoughts, beliefs, etc. We choose not to deliberately cause harm (that’s the deliberate part) because it repulses us, disappoints us, we don’t believe in it, etc.
The key here is that it is a choice. It’s always a choice. Always. It’s profound when people consistently choose not to do it for whatever reason they have, perhaps their entire life. That’s profound, and that profundity is stripped away when you’re ‘incapable’ of choosing to do the ‘right’ thing.
And, you are capable of deliberately hurting people. Stop it. You are. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the sooner you can have true moral accountability and recognize your choices, because it is a choice. It’s always a choice.
For those still on the fence I present some interesting juxtapositions you might want to ponder:
You’re not capable of murdering someone, but, you are capable of shooting someone in self-defense?
You’re not capable of deliberate harm, but, you are capable of doing things, intentional or not, that clearly ‘harms’ someone and then never owning it, but instead ending the relationship on that note because they’re ‘toxic’?
Is it possible you’re incapable of deliberate harm because that would mean that sometimes the damage you might cause wasn’t an accident, and you can’t be the victim of various circumstances that forced that accident to happen?
Really think about it. Is it better if it’s always accidental because that means you’re a good person by ‘nature’ even though there aren’t ‘good’ and ‘bad’ people? Or is it better that you made a choice and can admit a mistake, whether the damage you caused was intentional or not?
I’m ‘that guy.’ Everything’s a choice. Everything you do while fully conscious is a choice. You don’t ‘have’ to do anything, even live. Some of us have been known to lie down and starve ourselves to death.
On a side note: I used to think this of myself a couple decades ago. I thought I couldn’t hurt anyone and that was at once both a weakness and some kind of moral strength, but it wasn’t. It was just avoidance of the reality that I must stand behind my choices and be responsible for them.
Data
3l6su6qwfor2k
Reader
I’m always frustrated by individuals who claim that it isn’t in them to deliberately cause harm (to someone): it’s not part of their personality, they would never do that, they’re not capable, it’s against their nature, or it doesn’t exist within them.
If you’re a human, this is profoundly false.
Data
3l6sub2mw6f25
Reader
Every human being is capable of deliberately causing harm given the right input: circumstances, feelings, justifications, thoughts, beliefs, etc. We choose not to deliberately cause harm (that’s the deliberate part) because it repulses us, disappoints us, we don’t believe in it, etc.
Data
3l6sudkjs5f24
Reader
The key here is that it is a choice. It’s always a choice. Always. It’s profound when people consistently choose not to do it for whatever reason they have, perhaps their entire life. That’s profound, and that profundity is stripped away when you’re ‘incapable’ of choosing to do the ‘right’ thing.
Data
3l6sufdvnw42e
Reader
And, you are capable of deliberately hurting people. Stop it. You are. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the sooner you can have true moral accountability and recognize your choices, because it is a choice. It’s always a choice.
Data
3l6suhm3okc2y
Reader
For those still on the fence I present some interesting juxtapositions you might want to ponder:
You’re not capable of murdering someone, but, you are capable of shooting someone in self-defense?
Data
3l6suisetno23
Reader
You’re not capable of deliberate harm, but, you are capable of eating steak at a restaurant and generating profit for multiple companies?
You’re not capable of deliberate harm, but, you are capable of sniping back at bullies and trolls with insults?
Data
3l6sulmtorr23
Reader
You’re not capable of deliberate harm, but, you are capable of doing things, intentional or not, that clearly ‘harms’ someone and then never owning it, but instead ending the relationship on that note because they’re ‘toxic’?
Data
3l6suppvorz23
Reader
Is it possible you’re incapable of deliberate harm because that would mean that sometimes the damage you might cause wasn’t an accident, and you can’t be the victim of various circumstances that forced that accident to happen?
Data
3l6suru7hjc2p
Reader
Really think about it. Is it better if it’s always accidental because that means you’re a good person by ‘nature’ even though there aren’t ‘good’ and ‘bad’ people? Or is it better that you made a choice and can admit a mistake, whether the damage you caused was intentional or not?
Data
3l6sutu7g6t2w
Reader
I’m ‘that guy.’ Everything’s a choice. Everything you do while fully conscious is a choice. You don’t ‘have’ to do anything, even live. Some of us have been known to lie down and starve ourselves to death.
And your choices matter, always.
Data
3l6svk27pjt2c
Reader
On a side note: I used to think this of myself a couple decades ago. I thought I couldn’t hurt anyone and that was at once both a weakness and some kind of moral strength, but it wasn’t. It was just avoidance of the reality that I must stand behind my choices and be responsible for them.
Data
BlueSky – 3l6uqqehplv2b: #ManQuaFurry
Reader
#ManQuaFurry
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The Stupid Zombie Project
Reader
In high school, around 1998-1999, I cofounded The Clasheerian Order. TCO facilitated such masterpieces as Dark Side of the Light, and the debut of the original and the only true SZP. The release party was in my living room after the monthly meeting, and autographed copies immediately sold out.
For all you anti-intellectual, churlish, troglodytes hate-reading this, I’m talking about the Stupid Zombie Project, of course. On July 31, 2020, I pulled out an original copy with a case (there’s also the coveted compact disc version that is now a rare collector’s item).
Reminiscing on the life-altering release party that took place in the living room of my childhood home, now the famous Sisu Farms (sisu.farm). After the monthly TCO meeting, I popped it into my VHS/DVD combo player and converted it for posterity.
You can now view this historical archive footage without having to pay $5 below. We should all remember the groundbreaking communal project known as the original and the only true SZP: Stupid Zombie Project. I am available for the quite sought-after comment. Don’t hesitate to contact me: t.me/asherwolfstein
For the cinephiles: this was produced on that titanium laptop Apple released using iMovie in my dorm room at Cockerell Hall at the University of Colorado at Boulder in collaboration with my long-time friend Kelsey H, who lived three doors down. Several weeks after the premiere, I attempted suicide.
I was immediately banned from campus for allegedly threatening a student’s life (a false accusation put forth by a rich, spoiled pothead who received special treatment from the university while I had to suffer). That’s not even the beginning of the whole story about this video and where it came from, but that shall forever remain a pop culture mystery.
Data
3l6uuwhyips2p
Reader
In high school, around 1998-1999, I cofounded The Clasheerian Order. TCO facilitated such masterpieces as Dark Side of the Light, and the debut of the original and the only true SZP. The release party was in my living room after the monthly meeting, and autographed copies immediately sold out.
Data
3l6uy2xsx562b
Reader
For all you anti-intellectual, churlish, troglodytes hate-reading this, I’m talking about the Stupid Zombie Project, of course. On July 31, 2020, I pulled out an original copy with a case (there’s also the coveted compact disc version that is now a rare collector’s item).
Data
3l6uy5kpcdr2r
Reader
Data
3l6uyc3zatu2p
Reader
Reminiscing on the life-altering release party that took place in the living room of my childhood home, now the famous Sisu Farms (sisu.farm). After the monthly TCO meeting, I popped it into my VHS/DVD combo player and converted it for posterity.
You can now view this historical archive footage …
Data
3l6uysgu6sq2u
Reader
… without having to pay $5 below. We should all remember the groundbreaking communal project known as the original and the only true SZP: Stupid Zombie Project. I am available for the quite sought-after comment. Don’t hesitate to contact me: t.me/asherwolfstein
Data
3l6uyy5kh7424
Reader
Data
3l6uz2fw3my2w
Reader
#SZP #StupidZombieProject #TheClasheerianOrder #TCO #ReynoldsCorp #HighSchool #archives #ArchivalFootage #VHS #RecoveredMedia
Data
3l6v5mxyd6p2p
Reader
For the cinephiles: this was produced on that titanium laptop Apple released using iMovie in my dorm room at Cockerell Hall at the University of Colorado at Boulder in collaboration with my long-time friend Kelsey H, who lived three doors down. Several weeks after the premiere, I attempted suicide.
Data
3l6v5nons7u2k
Reader
I was immediately banned from campus for allegedly threatening a student’s life (a false accusation put forth by a rich, spoiled pothead who received special treatment from the university while I had to suffer). That’s not even the beginning of …
Data
3l6v5nszqq42u
Reader
… the whole story about this video and where it came from, but that shall forever remain a pop culture mystery.
Data
Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3l6uuwhyips2p
ATProto root record:
3l6uuwhyips2pDark Side of the Light
Reader
That time Jack Malkovitch killed Bill Gates in order to produce an “American Tragedy” as per the title, Dark Side of the Light or An American Tragedy. This masterpiece was produced in 1999 using a camera and two VCRs, then released to critical acclaim to The Clasheerian Order public.
t’s almost verbatim a skit written by myself when I was 17 with a bit of help from the others in the group project for my Drama Class (shout out to Mrs. D!). If I accurately remember the course of events, it cemented A. C. Gmork Labyrinthian Kadran X. H. as an artistic genius who went on to create the hyper-intellectual audio compilation Ramblings of a Mathematical Madman, the poetic exploration of mental health known as Deskjet Nightmare, the now iconic stage play On Being Different, which was definitely ahead of its time and is more relevant today than it was in 2001, and the spin-off short story Perfect, which told the story of an unnamed entity as an epilogue to the stage play.
Thankfully, this incredible piece of history didn’t become a super obscure piece of lost media forever lost to the annals of Reddit, but instead was archived from the VHS tape (no fancy package this time, we weren’t that advanced yet) on July 27th, 2020 for your viewing pleasure.
Now you too can relive the thrills and chills for free! I give you… Dark Side of The Light or An American Tragedy
To note, the graphics were produced and integrated using a video device attached to a PowerMac 6500 (I believe). This was also how the dubbing was accomplished as well.
Data
3l6v3qjndfm2n
Reader
That time Jack Malkovitch killed Bill Gates in order to produce an “American Tragedy” as per the title, Dark Side of the Light or An American Tragedy. This masterpiece was produced in 1999 using a camera and two VCRs, then released to critical acclaim to The Clasheerian Order public.
Data
3l6v3qveeui2w
Reader
It’s almost verbatim a skit written by myself when I was 17 with a bit of help from the others in the group project for my Drama Class (shout out to Mrs. D!). If I accurately remember the course of events, it cemented A. C. Gmork Labyrinthian Kadran X. H. as an artistic genius who went on to …
Data
3l6v3sai4r52e
Reader
create the hyper-intellectual audio compilation Ramblings of a Mathematical Madman, the poetic exploration of mental health known as Deskjet Nightmare, the now iconic stage play On Being Different, which was definitely ahead of its time and is more …
Data
3l6v3xi4svx2k
Reader
… relevant today than it was in 2001, and the spin-off short story Perfect, which told the story of an unnamed entity as an epilogue to the stage play.
Thankfully, this incredible piece of history didn’t become a super obscure piece of lost media forever lost to …
Data
3l6v3ykr6g42n
Reader
… the annals of Reddit, but instead was archived from the VHS tape (no fancy package this time, we weren’t that advanced yet) on July 27th, 2020 for your viewing pleasure.
Now you too can relive the thrills and chills for free! I give you…
Data
3l6v3ytk37v2s
Reader
Dark Side of The Light or An American Tragedy
Data
3l6v4atzcrv2w
Reader
To note, the graphics were produced and integrated using a video device attached to a PowerMac 6500 (I believe). This was also how the dubbing was accomplished as well.
Data
Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3l6v3qjndfm2n
ATProto root record:
3l6v3qjndfm2n3l6v3qjndfm2n3l6v3qjndfm2n3l6v3qveeui2w3l6v3sai4r52e3l6v3xi4svx2k3l6v3ykr6g42n3l6v3ytk37v2s3l6v4atzcrv2wBlueSky – 3l6vg5gqa6624: This old indie game review written in the days of Jim Sterling and ZeroPunctuation (Apr…
Reader
This old indie game review written in the days of Jim Sterling and ZeroPunctuation (April 21, 2015) piqued my interest in terms of philosophy and gameplay narratives.
Click To Enlarge
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BlueSky – 3l6vgmz4ng22s: It’s entirely unnecessary to state that “someone needs to hear this” other than to abso…
Reader
It’s entirely unnecessary to state that “someone needs to hear this” other than to absolve you of the responsibility of just being motivated to share your opinion and put it in the hands of some magical force benefiting humanity somehow cause your opinion is just THAT important.
Data
BlueSky – 3l6vgrxyohk2p: I checked up on my Google Photos account. I have one photo in there from March 26th, 20…
Reader
Data
Are You Too "Too Nice"? Well Stop Doing That!
Reader
Are you too “too nice”? Well, stop doing that!
I remember pretty well, about 12 – 16 years ago, being hospitalized in-patient against my will multiple times. I’ve repeatedly been shown old-school style assertiveness training videos in an effort to stop vulnerable people from being abused.
The most important advice I think everyone can follow is boundaries. When presented to me in approximately 2003, nobody outside of group therapy was talking about ‘triggers’ and ‘boundaries’ at any great length in everyday discourse.
The idea of the boundary was presented as a way to take ownership of yourself, your thoughts, your responsibilities, your emotions, and your desires from those who need all those things to be theirs. It was a way to eliminate guilt while still being ‘altruistic’ ?, and it has helped many people.
A wise person once said something I live by: “Guilt is a rope that wears thin.”
Data
Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3l6vhne2ug52u
ATProto root record:
3l6vhne2ug52u3l6vhne2ug52u3l6viogfjev2n3l6vioxs6vk243l6viq655ui2k3l6viqelnqn2sBlueSky – 3l6vi7gs5ln25: I just finished reorganizing some shelves. I love Rocket Raccoon. ~ December 17, 2023.
Reader
I just finished reorganizing some shelves. I love Rocket Raccoon. ~ December 17, 2023.
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Throwback Time! Anyone Remember Broken Clock?
Reader
Throwback time! Does anyone remember that podcast my husband @merrystarchild.bsky.social co-hosted? It was called Broken Clock because, well, you know. In one episode, he discussed two of my favorite topics! Ayn Rand and The Golden Girls. Don’t forget it!
www.podbean.com/ew/pb-kn2ik-… (link not currently available)
Liana Kerzner … and Maus Merryjest tackle recent political foolishness! Bandwagon fallacies and appeals to authority! The many flaws of Alan Dershowitz’s Trump impeachment arguments! PLUS, How Derrida is the father of all hot takes, and how you can go from Ayn Rand to The Golden Girls in under two minutes! They Kant even right now! (They made me write that). Raiders of the Lost Art – Critical Thinking! Listen, it’ll give your brain workout endorphins without the nasty sweating!
Data
Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3l6vj7pqtog2u
ATProto root record:
3l6vj7pqtog2uDid You Know I'm Somewhat Famous On Canadian Radio?
Reader
And for everyone new, did you know that I’m somewhat famous on Canadian Radio? Yep! I did an episode that lots of people heard and it was all about my unfortunate diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder when I was 18 by Dr. Stephen Moe in the Boulder Behavioral Science Center. ? Life changing!
If you don’t like Podbean for some reason, here it is on YouTube! But, unfortunately, it might not hold some people’s attention as it has no soap-cutting videos or video game footage attached, so bear that in mind:
As someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, I can tell you that it indeed does get better. Stick at it, be aware, introspect, observe, and learn. It can take a very long time, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
It’s not cute, an excuse, quirky, normalized, should be sexualized (that’s offensive), or something to be ashamed of, just a maladaptive, sometimes abusive, behavior that sometimes people find themselves engaging in, much like an automatic nervous system trauma response.
With compassion, perseverance, and, most importantly, communication, many things can be resolved for the better. Sometimes, you don’t talk to someone for twelve years, but you come back, and they’re waiting for your love. And sometimes, that never happens, and people can’t understand where you are.
What’s important is knowing where you are and what’s going on with you. Keep working towards being a better person, not necessarily ‘normal’ or ‘acceptable’ ?, but treating people right while maintaining self-respect. Your voice does matter, even moreso if you keep improving! Good luck!
Data
Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3l6vjff2pw52s
ATProto root record:
3l6vjff2pw52s3l6vjff2pw52s3l6vjiuewzv2k3l6vjpuyqvo233l6vjqfexq62n3l6vjsrcyzj2m3l6vjvfxpod2kTaking Responsibility For Your Conditions And Behaviors Is Always Worth It
Reader
When I ventured forth after graduating from group therapy in Boulder in 2001, I didn’t do much.
Haha. That’s a good one.
Actually, I took all my pills (Effexor) and then drove to the CU campus. On the way, I demolished a book section in a grocery store and stole a beer while underage. I just stuck it in my pocket and walked right past the security guard. I laughed in my car, drinking and driving, as I passed a sign that said not to drink and drive.
Once I got to campus, I drove my used Pontiac Grand Am over the little walkway bridge and right into the center of the ‘quad’ where Cockerell Hall’s entrance was. I walked in and asked for access from the shocked faces of my used-to-be dorm mate one door down, which they gave me!
Then, they called the campus police. I walked to my previous dorm room and said “Hello!” to Colin Pierce (my previous roommate), who was, unsurprisingly, high as a fucking kite.
I knocked on my brother-in-law’s door but was told to go away. I read the comments on his door whiteboard calling him gay, chuckled, and then went upstairs to the girl’s halls. There, I offered my beer to a couple of girls in the hallway.
I told them I stole it “just for you.”
Suddenly, my adopted brother’s girlfriend Olivia came out and confronted me, super concerned. I offered her the beer when I suddenly saw a peace officer appearing at the end of the hallway.
I put the beer down and bolted, pulling off matrix moves as I flew down the stairs. I scrambled to my car and put it in reverse. System of a Down‘s Chop Suey! blasted. The peace officer slipped on the ice (I could easily run on ice because of where I came from) and cut his hand, and then I almost backed over him while he threw his baton at my back window.
I careened across campus because, well, there were no actual streets. Instead of fumbling my tires down sets of stairs next to the stadium (where I had called my mother often on the payphone when I was attending) and getting stuck in a hole, I found my way to Euclid Avenue.
Being a psychotic moron, I turned on to Euclid, slowed down, acted ‘normal,’ and thought, “Nobody will notice me now.”
Of course, it was 3:30 AM, they did (I now know I should’ve ditched the car immediately), and I was full-blown arrested. I was charged with Endangering A Peace Officer, Obstruction of Justice, and Illegal Activity On Public Property.
[ED August 9, 2026: Apparently obsessed sociopaths need to be reminded that being charged with these things doesn’t mean that they are on my criminal record, which, they aren’t. If I were them, I wouldn’t go around telling people that I have a criminal record.]
While the officer was driving me to the police station this time. Handcuffed in the back, I pondered, “Do I let my heart explode in temporary holding? Or should I say something?”
Life choices, am I right?
I announced that I had overdosed severely on Effexor, so he made a U-turn in those round-about things all over and took me to the hospital.
At the hospital, while handcuffed to the hospital bed (first time of several to come), one of the nurses told me he was the father of one of my friends from back home.
The nurse took my pulse and told me my resting pulse was approximately 180 – 200 bpm. Not so good. Mouth was dry as fuck. Then, I had to drink liquid charcoal for the first time. I’m a pro! Too bad they stopped doing that. I gagged at first and had black shit all over me. Lying in the hospital bed, covered with black shit, my older brother (who I’d been living with) came in and told me, essentially, that he loved me, was disappointed, I was delusional, needed to let things go, and frustrated, that if I was intent on killing myself to at least “get it right next time.”
It was highly supportive.
After I returned home from the Boulder Behavioral Science Center, I had to meet the lawyer in my small town, and she said, after I had lost my medical leave of absence from the university, that I could plead not guilty, stressing my mental health condition for my actions.
I said that was okay; I’d plead guilty while asking for leniency due to mental health.
She was shocked.
I told her what my father had told me: “It’s your responsibility to keep yourself out of getting into a state where you act like an irrational fool and can’t ‘control’ yourself. You know you have a condition or, at least, that others don’t accept your behaviors when you get like that, so now you must take care of it and consider what happens when you choose not to fulfill your responsibility.”
Guilt is not a big thing in my family.
I pleaded guilty, got a deferral, and did community service at the High School I attended. My record became clean once again, and I had to pay the remaining tuition to CU for my first-semester classes. All of which I was forced to get an F in, torpedoing my quite high GPA.
I never returned to college, thank God.
I’m a non-working 5x-10x programmer whose last job was standing on a street corner in a bad store-bought fursuit, holding a sign for a dog grooming and sitting business.
It was a dream job.
On that note, I was voted “most likely to succeed” in my class, and I think I fucking nailed it!
Being an adult is hard, but taking responsibility for your conditions and behaviors, no matter what they may be, is always worth it. Nobody else is inherently responsible for my mental health, fulfilling my needs, making sure I feel valuable, or keeping me from killing myself, and they have never been since then, not even my brother or father (clearly).
It’s tough for my father to be responsible for me now, though, since he starved himself to death.
It helps when, essentially, you stop fucking around and just, you know, figure it out like an adult, even if it takes 20 years.
Oh, also, if you file any court document about someone else, like a police report, the person you’re talking about will most likely see it. The accused have rights, after all. I saw everyone’s reports on me and how scared they were that the ‘dorm shooter’ was roaming the hallways.
I was never going to shoot anyone, but hey, that’s what happens when you piss off the wrong person, right?
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