This was originally posted on July 25, 2025 on an incarnation of one of my several blog manifestations this last almost year-and-a-half. It was the first post made after all of my blogs and sites went down for a bit. Now it is presented here once again.
Most all edits [ED:] are current as of this archived posting.
What This Is About
On September 9, 2024, I (Asher Wolfstein, @asherwolfstein) had a public conflict on Twitter with someone else. Shocker, right?
Jessica Bryce Routhier
(Poppy / L’Enfant Diabolique / TransGirlTherapist / ZenaAndPoppy / LadyDiabolique )
The “very public” conflict was with Jessica Bryce Routhier (aka Poppy Diabolique). Her account (@ZenaAndPoppy), and that of her partner Zena (irrelevant), has since been locked, rendering the exchange inaccessible.
Shortly after, I left Twitter and moved to BlueSky.
In that process I deleted my previous Tweets, so they are also inaccessible. I was later permanently suspended following approximately eight months of my continued discussion of the fallout from that encounter, which renders all of those equally inaccessible. For now.
They’re all going up here in due time.
[ED: And that time is now! All my Bluesky archive is accessible in some form or fashion at the moment on my ‘Social Timeline’ /micro/. Work is still being done. Some work has progressed on uploading all the Tweets I have backed up, which should be most all of them, onto my ‘Social Timeline’ /micro/ as part of my complete social media archive as well.]
Liana Kerzner
(RedLianaK / LianaK / Liana Kares / Kerzner Media / It’s Not Therapy / nottherapyshow)
In the months that followed, I lost my closest friend of five years, Liana Kerzner, under circumstances I believe were influenced, directly or indirectly, by Jessica. Liana’s primary friendship with my husband Maus Merryjest was also abruptly severed at her discretion [ED: I do not see this as a requirement, though she paints it as inevitable, like, maybe, it’s all on us, which, no, it isn’t], which promptly ended a mutual game project, BOSSFIGHT: Song of Sparklemuffin.
The Day Kindness Was Cancelled
What began as private fallout quickly escalated into public vilification: Liana publicly blamed her project’s failure entirely on my mental health and her inability to have healthy boundaries because she’s “too understanding.”
[ED: This is dramatic, and to the point, but it’s a bit vague, so I’ll clarify for Dr. Bourrie, Ph.D JD, Steven and Liana Kerzner’s counsel (I have no idea why Steven is involved, I have absolutely nothing to do with him, unless, he is involved somehow): she said that a team member essential to development’s spouse’s mental health struggles that occurred “in the home,” which she claimed crossed moral boundaries (sounds like a moral judgment to me), that “weren’t her story to tell,” were the primary cause of significant delays, dragging the project into jeopardy, and that the “culmination” of those mental health issues was a “very public shot” at a trans woman using “a transphobic narrative” they were aware was “circulating on Kiwi Farms” resulted in a “very ugly fight,” where the team member essential to development’s spouse refused to comply with being a better person, that made the relationship with the team member essential to the development of the game untenable and so, she was forced to cancel the project in order to sever the spouse’s “tie to [her],” which, I argue, is the real reason behind the cancellation in the first place, which would be her story to tell, and thus not include any of mine. So, to recap, the fact’s, whether I was named or not, that she transparently transmitted to the stakeholders was that, if I (the spouse) hadn’t refused to comply with her demands and address my mental health to her satisfaction so I (the spouse) could act, socially, in a manner that satisfied her standards, despite not being employed, paid, or involved with the game whatsoever, the game wouldn’t have been cancelled.]
I was never involved in the development of BOSSFIGHT: Song of Sparklemuffin.
When I finally spoke up about the lies she put forward regarding me, my history, my psyche, and my relationships, she stigmatized me repeatedly (a process that had already begun) in both vague and specific responses to my refutations, and reversed her position on a blog post I had written a year earlier. One she championed with enthusiasm, repeatedly provoking my critics.
This post was shared onto Jessica’s thread on Kiwi Farms (a troll forum, or, as it’s supporters put it, a gossip rag to make it sound more intellectual, that serves as one of the cesspools of the Internet) by someone from Liana Kerzner’s community: Giancarlo Vanzzini.
[ED: Giancarlo Vanzzini has mysteriously never been in her community, but she also confronted him, and upon confronting him, banned him, so he couldn’t come back in to a community he was never part of.]
Liana called upon my husband Maus to creatively counsel Giancarlo on his then upcoming book Outcast, but this was only the beginning of a game of subterfuge. Shortly after the paid counseling commenced Giancarlo began ‘trolling’ my husband, and then me, using an anonymous ‘alt account’ that we hadn’t yet identified. This was at the same time as consulting with my husband. Pret-ty rap-ey if you ask me.
[ED: Liana has since made a point in a forum that is decidedly not private, and elsewhere, to state that the only client we had, which came from her, was doxxed by me, the paramount unprofessional, as if I was the one who tarnished her peer counseling service’s reputation with privacy. 1) he wasn’t the only client we’ve ever had. Liana likes to position herself as the sole benefactor of our livelihood at times, it seems, in my opinion, and 2) Maus never signed a privacy agreement, wasn’t counseling on mental health, wasn’t acting as an extension of Liana’s business, and never said he’d never disclose anything. The fact is, Giancarlo abused us online for more than a year, and even after I posted his social profiles (that was it), Liana claims our abuser is the one who’s harmed the most. 3) And it’s Liana who doxxed a former client to the wrong person, me, which, it doesn’t matter if I’m ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ that’s beside the point. What matters is that Liana disclosed information she had no right to disclose as per her own agreements out of spite, yes, there are lots of screenshots Dr. Bourrie, I don’t know why you write that repeatedly, allowing me to know things I shouldn’t have known. They aren’t my secrets to uphold, they aren’t my clients, they’re hers, that’s how that works, and if you’re a client, you’re at risk.]
Eventually, I did identify the owner of the account, as publicly promised.
Giancarlo Vanzzini
Giancarlo Vanzzini posted my blog entry with interrogatory prompts for interpretation onto Kiwi Farms, and what predictably followed (for anyone with half a brain) was a twisting of my words into a monstrous lie. As users of that site are apt to do (to make themselves important), my careful, and unfortunately ignorantly distasteful words were stripped of the couple preceding relevant paragraphs that provided context, and dressed up with dimensions, motivations, analysis, and details I had never written, thus rendering them into a spurious but plausible-enough-sounding rumor.
The accusation? That I had somehow admitted to child molestation in that post, something I did not write, never intended to mean, and which I challenge anyone to find. I have neither been accused nor suspected of any inappropriate conduct. [ED: I have never attacked a child. I have never admitted to attacking a child. I never wrote about another person. I have never described myself with the language, “sexually violent.” None of the claims were true, and when confronted with the facts, their advocates reversed their positions. Liana Kerzner has since described the situation in public, but with inaccuracies that render that description irrelevant. Those events did not occur. Since the message has been posted publicly by a supposedly disconnected random troll, this would indicate that her “private” discord ain’t that private.] The claim and subsequent insinuation(s) were not only false, they were malicious.
[ED: As Liana Kerzner likes to point out, people make mistakes, and that was one of mine. I have apologized for that mistake, acknowledged it was badly written and was a poor choice, and that I won’t write something like that ever again, but not for what I DIDN’T write, only what I did. If that’s how people want to interpret what I wrote, fine, but it’s not what I wrote. There seems to be a huge amount of confusion between the two things in Liana Kerzner’s community. I am not hiding anything, as there’s literally nothing to hide. You can read it for yourself, right now, here: /determinism/, and the two follow-ups, /but-what-do-i-know/, and /moving-on/. Feel free point out to me exactly where I wrote that.]
Louis Michael Cseke
Yet Liana Kerzner, a professional peer counselor with a radio show and long-time friend, echoed it.
[ED: A homophobic narrative from Kiwi Farms, that she said was from Kiwi Farms, that painted me, a gay furry, as being a horrible nascent pedophile that thought it was fine to ‘gloat,’ (though I wasn’t) and thought it was humorously ‘edgy’ (I didn’t) to talk about victimizing a child while trying to extract sympathy (I wasn’t) for it. The narrative is simple: I wrote that I abused a kid. Liana Kerzner repeatedly said the post says this very thing, even though it doesn’t: that I admitted to abusing a kid as a kid. But it just doesn’t say that. She didn’t comment on a situation, Dr. Bourrie, she perpetuated the situation, and if I can request anything, which, apparently I can’t, it’s this: I do not want Liana to mitigate anything for me, ever, at all; I can do it better myself since I will actually have my best interests in mind. It does not matter what she intended to do, because, what she intended to do wasn’t ever posted. How is anyone, myself included, supposed to know that? It’s not there. And so, they are irrelevant to me, and my situation. I do not care about her intents anymore, what reason do I have to do so after she has inserted all of her own as a replacement of mine? What is there is exactly what she did: employed a false Kiwi Farms narrative to state a direct falsehood, one she should’ve have known by reasonable standards since even you have highlighted she defended that stance a year prior. It doesn’t have to make sense, as Liana Kerzner has repeatedly asserted every time she has made a pronouncement on my intents, motivations, beliefs, emotions, dysfunctions, and thought process and ended it with the statement, “It doesn’t make sense!” If her aim was to simply comment, then she needs to start continuing education as a professional communicator, ’cause that wasn’t it.]
A local man whom I had known the acquaintance of previously, Louis Michael Cseke, further employed her post, screenshots and all, as a weapon, doxxing me on Kiwi Farms, [ED: full name, birthdate, photos, address, everything, just like every other vulnerable individual on there.] and flooding BlueSky (as well as Jessica’s Kiwi Farms thread [ED: Which Jessica has repeatedly referenced, almost boastfully, as “a mile long.”]), with grotesque content all featuring screenshots of Liana’s specific post repeating the same claim she had denied a year prior.
[ED: The fact she denied it at one time, Dr. Bourrie, doesn’t mean that all other affirmations in the future, explicitly stating that I wrote something I didn’t write, are null and void. One has nothing to do with the other, by virtue of them not being in the same post, the same time, of the same mind, like, come on… it’s ridiculous. I was also friends with Liana at one time, and now I’m not, does that mean I really still am? It’s an insult.]
Throughout all this, I was impersonated via anonymous accounts in messages to anyone I interacted with trying to triangulate and sabotage my relationships. [ED: These messages were always anonymous, as in, people had every reason to know they were anonymous, literally by design. There’s no question to their presumed anonymity, unless you really need there to be. And no, I haven’t a single one outside her very not-private Discord messages and Annie’s screenshot. For some unknown reason, despite repeatedly saying that sharing them with my husband, or publicly, would help stop this individual from menacing queer individuals in the community, no one cares to contribute.] Maus and I believe these originate either from Cseke, Vanzzini, or Kerzner, but it is hard to know due to none of them ever being shared with me despite repeated requests.
After initial doubt by Liana Kerzner, those messages were eventually, falsely, attributed, or blamed, on me.
But it wasn’t me.
[ED: Kerzner stated, in a Patreon video, that she had to be “super careful” when it came to pinning them on me, or my husband, but, she wasn’t super careful. She stated that they were most likely me because, “they came from a place of guilt,” which, anyone who’s known me for any length of time outside of the Internet knows that’s not a thing for me. I tell people this outright because the assumption causes problems. I believe she based this incorrect ‘insight’ on a sentence that was appended to a message she received, that I was able to actually see, which read as expressing a form of “we’re both wrong” guilt, which I would never do in a million fucking years, and yet, after being my ‘friend’ for five years, Kerzner suddenly thinks I would do something so out of character, even AFTER she made it a thing, in her atrocious ‘content,’ to tell everyone that Maya Angelou was right and she should’ve believed me when I told her who I was. Obviously, that was bullshit, as she’d say, because if it was a true lesson, she wouldn’t just go and do it again. Her insight is convenient, or, it just plain fucking sucks. And no, it’s not a case of “who says that?” because I do, my friends have heard it, experienced it, accept it, and are still my friends because it’s honest. Shocker I know.]
Permanent Suspension and Attempted Censorship
After I refuted these claims and [ED: singlehandedly] exposed the identities of those involved, [ED: as promised, you’d think they’d listen to me the first time], my BlueSky account was permanently suspended for “harassment.”
Around the same time, several of my websites were taken down, [ED: including Novelty Factor Hosting, my nascent hosting company (obviously, I don’t own the servers themselves) and potential source of income for a disabled person (me) who doesn’t currently qualify for benefits due to my partner’s small income. Going after someone’s livelihood doesn’t just target fairly well-off tone-policing dysfunctional pearl-clutching White women these days. It’s been democratized!]
I’ve since restored them (except Novelty Factor Hosting, the one that could make money). I always come back. As I’ve written previously, I outlast everyone.
[ED: And yet, they persist, accomplishing nothing.]
This is the “game over” I previously declared right before suspension: I am no longer available for others to manipulate or scapegoat to avoid accountability.
I only made myself available to give others an opportunity to resolve things.
They chose poorly, and decided not to do that.
[ED: And I know when I write this, very few believe me. It might surprise some of them, but there are people who don’t just retrofit everything in flailing rationalizations to conform to a convenient narrative. Is this dismissive? Yes! I get dismissed by you, you get dismissed by me. I don’t grovel and advocate for inclusion. Why would I do something so utterly pointless?]
Now, Maus and I will tell the full story, clearly, calmly, and completely. Everything that happened, every name, every consequence, every harm, every observed contradiction, every personal feeling, every personal thought, and every personal judgment.
This is the beginning of that account.
[ED: Obviously, it has taken WAY longer than we anticipated, but, now, I complete it, in contrast to the idea that I give up as soon as I don’t get instant success, leaving everyone to pick up the pieces while I cry, “Waaah, mental illness!” As Saige wisely writes, “Healing is nonlinear.”]
9 September 2024
Stephanie Kaylor @sm_kaylor posts (at an indeterminate time in the screenshot),
“hurting men’s feelings by saying what they did”
(Screenshot-quoting @sm_kaylor’s above Tweet) The Road Jess Travelled @JessPected posts on September 8, 2024:
“Or even what other men did. Women discussing what horrors random men did to women still brings out the defensive apologists, the “devil’s advocates,” & the self-appointed experts on feminism to police & silence.“
Zena & Poppy – On Hiatus Due To Several Fact(ors) @ZenaAndPoppy posts on September 9, 2024 in response to the above Tweet:
“Why do I feel weird on this? Like I agree in principle but for some reason I just find myself wanting to point out the times or empathy is important.”
The Confrontation
(or the “very public shot” I “took at a trans woman” according to Liana Kerzner)
Asher Wolfstein – Abandoned [ED: not the name at the time] @asherwolstein posts on September 9, 2024 in response:
“Empathy for what? What times?”1
Zena & Poppy reply:
“I don’t understand the question or how it is related to what I said?”
Asher Wolfstein replies:
“”but for some reason I just find myself wanting to point out the times or empathy is important” this doesn’t make sense then if my question doesn’t relate. Could you clarify?”
Zena & Poppy replies,
“Obviously I do not think men deserve sympathy for devil’s advocate shit or gaslighting. But in cases where a person legitimately doesn’t understand & isn’t trying to be malicious. Where is the line between advocating & hand-holding?”
Asher Wolfstein replies,
“What do you mean by “advocating & hand-holding”?
Zena & Poppy replies,
“Advocating: Teaching & correcting behavior towards the correct direction.
Handholding: Being overly caregiving and not holding people responsible regardless.
There are scenarios where I can see one versus the other.”
Asher Wolfstein replies,
“I would have to disagree then. Unless someone is in danger, handholding is really shitty behavior. Why would that ever be better than holding someone responsible for their behavior, especially in an educational way?”
Zena & Poppy replies,
“I don’t think you understand me. I never said not to hold someone accountable. I am saying that there are scenarios where compassion may be a better tool to change behavior than punishment. But where the line between that compassion & coddling is blurry.”
Asher Wolfstein replies,
“I understand that there might be a perception of misunderstanding, and I might not fully grasp the situation. However, I’d like to take a moment to explain my response. It’s based on the information you’ve provided, and here’s why I feel the way I do
(Screenshot-quoting Poppy & Zena posting, ‘Why do I feel weird on this? Like I agree…’): This post suggests that you agree ‘in principle’ but disagree in some small sense because ‘the times or empathy’ is essential. There’s a typo, so I’m not sure I understand exactly, but it involves times and empathy. I respond, “Empathy for what? What times?” for clarification.
(Screenshot-quoting Zena & Poppy posting, ‘I don’t understand the question or how…’): Really? Even though those are the words you used? “times” and “empathy,”? Giving you the benefit of the doubt because ‘how it is related to what I said’ definitely gives off the dismissal vibes my BPD (as I’m sure you’re keenly aware) always picks up on, I quote you back to
(Screenshot-quoting Zena & Poppy posting, ‘Obviously I do not think men deserve empathy for devil’s advocate shite or gaslighting. But in…’): yourself. How does “wanting to point out the times or empathy” not relate to questions about empathy or times?
Now you answer the questions. My BPD tendencies, as I might put it the way you tend to, tell me I had to back you into a corner for some reason, but I ignore them because they’re neurotic. So we continue. Now, a person legitimately doesn’t understand and isn’t trying to be malicious. Where do we find a good balance between advocating & hand-holding (‘where is the line’) is what I think you’re asking, but
(Screenshot-quoting Zena & Poppy posting ‘Advocating: Teaching & correcting behavior towards the correct direction Handholding: Being overly caregiving…): given that I wasn’t on topic for the first point, I ask for clarification.
Great, you clarify. Then you add, ‘there are scenarios where I can see one versus the other.’ I take this to mean there are scenarios where one might be more advantageous than the other, not that perhaps
one or the other occurs because it’s a given that they happen. So now I’m looking at the idea that sometimes advocating is good, and sometimes hand-holding is good, that is, and I quote, ‘not holding people responsible regardless.’ So I say that not holding someone responsible
(Screenshot-quoting Zena & Poppy posting, ‘I don’t think you understand me. I never said not to hold someone…’): is always a ‘shitty idea.
Suddenly, I’m off-topic or not understanding again. What was there to understand? Given what you said, how would I arrive at anything else? Okay, well, here we are. My cynicism notes that we’re now discussing how compassion may be a better tool than
punishment. And that the line between compassion & coddling is blurry. I have no idea how advocacy turned into punishment or how handholding turned into compassion, but okay. Feels a bit shifty. It seems like because I made it sound bad, the topic or definition had to change but whatever, I don’t care.
Here’s the reply: I don’t believe the line between compassion and coddling is blurry. That’s why there are two different words and concepts. If an expression of compassion looks like coddling, then it’s not very compassionate to me, hence my previous reply. There is no blurriness to me. The fact that compassion and coddling are blurry to you is concering. Compassion is always the better tool for change than punishment, which first consists of holding people responsible (which isn’t necessarily punishment; it’s concerning that you seem to equate the two).
I find it challenging to communicate with you about these topics because there don’t seem to be firm definitions or cogent points to comment on but ground that shifts, which is the final thing I find concerning.
In other words, I am now concerned about this conversation. Is compassion devoid of responsibility for you? Is responsibility or accountability equal to punishment for you? Is compassion and coddling a matter of degre for you? I’m geuinely interested because it seem to inform this view that
peopole who aren’t ‘trying to be malicious’ should be… treated in some unique way. Most guys who say these things aren’t, ‘trying to be malicious,’ but they perpetuate malicious notions even if they don’t mean to because of the emotional messaging. That’s fine.
So… communicate that? I don’t understand the supposed problem. Why is there this idea that advocating, as you’ve defined it, is punishment?
Zena & Poppy replies,
“This is quickly become uncomfortable and feeling like an interrogation. When you post that many tweets in that small amount of time, that isn’t a conversation. That is a gish gallop. I think I have made my point clear enough. If you disagree, fair enough. Good day.”
Asher Wolfstein replies,
“Oh no. It’s unfortunate you interpret it this way, but I have to say I’m offended at it’s inaccuracy. We’re supposed to have ‘compassion’ for men who are [ED: I meant AREN’T] ‘trying to be malicious,’ and here you are now turning what I’ve said into manipulative tactics. I am not. You are being
manipulative, frankly, from ‘relate to what I said’ onwards. It’s obvious. You can take all the time you want to respond to anything I’ve written. I don’t have a blue checkmark so I can’t make it one Tweet, and I’m not going to pay Musk. This is a normal length response in a conversation, in my opinion.
Respond to what you want, or not, I don’t care. This is my complete thought. I thought you’d want to know why I respond the way I do. Clearly, you don’t. You’re more interested in protecting yourself and your image. Your point isn’t clear at all, and I’ve challenged the questionable parts.
Now you’re suddenly a victim. Nice try. This was uncomfortable for me the second you said, ‘how does this relate to what I said?’ and I should’ve known then. My BPD was right, which is sad. You are very manipulative, and it shows the second I held you responsible for something you’ve said that’s concerning, considering you’re a therapist (but also give you the opportunity to explain, as opposed to many of your trolls). I’m not going to apologize for holding you accountable for the shit you say.
It’s NOT a good day.
I can’t believe you have a stream on “politics” if this is how you approach a political discussion.
I guess I should start one, looks like anyone can do it.
Man. (See my response below for more on this post.)
(With an image of an emoji or smiley face like graphic with a flat mouth and eyes looking up with the caption ‘Do you know what “projection” is?’) Zena & Poppy replies,
“You are projecting and excessively posting. I made a boundary and you are now crossing it. Nothing in my post was manipulative. I was simply stated my internal conflict & you have now take offense to me choosing to disengage from a conversation where you are berating me.”
Asher Wolfstein replies,
“You can disengage all you want. I do not have to do that. If you don’t like my posts, don’t respond or block me. I definitely do not think I’m projecting. If you want that to stick, you’ll have to show me how I’m doing that. Course, that may be too many characters and Tweets, which would look bad I guess.
You are using therapy speak to berate *me* for holding you accountable for saying what I consider to be concerning things. You do this to LOTS of people all the time about ‘concerning’ things. I guess it’s fine for you, but not for me.
Have a boundary? Then assert it. You do not control my account, my posts, nor my words because you’re suddenly a victim. Are you going to address anything I’ve said or just claim harassment that never happened? It’s just honest authentic communication, something you seem allergic to.
I have no obligation to buy into this narrative you’re carefully constructing to make me out to be a bad guy. I’d love to go back to the original discussion, but, you’d rather make me out to be a bad guy for disagreeing with you and saying that your opinions are very concerning.
(With a photo of someone, presumably Poppy or Zena, holding a printed out piece of paper, slightly crinkled, that reads ‘What do boundaries feel like? – it is not my job to fix others. – it is okay if others get angry. – it is okay to say no. – it is not my job to take responsibility for others. – I don’t have to anticipate the needs of others. – It is my job to make me happy. – Nobody has to agree with me. – I have a right to my own feelings. – I am enough.’) Zena & Poppy post on September 9, 2024 on their own timeline (not in reply) during the confrontation,
If I say I am done with a conversation, that is the end of it. If you post 5 more tweets berating me, that is not going to convince me to stay. That is going to convince me to mute & eventually block you. “No” is a full sentence. It requires no explanation.
(Zena & Poppy quote-post me posting, ‘all, and I’ve challenged the questionable parts. Now you’re suddenly a victim. Nice try. This was uncomfortable for the second you…’ with an additional meme-like image of a projector with the captions, ‘HERE BITCH TAKE THIS SINCE YOU WANNA PROJECT’) Zena & Poppy post on their own timeline (not in reply) after my final response above,
“I never once claimed I was a victim. I claimed that excessively posting makes it impossible to respond to every point. This is called a gish gallop. There is nothing manipulative about calling a spade a spade or choosing to disengage from a conversation. You are splitting. Stop.”
For more information on my perspectives regarding this exchange, see my response on BlueSky later below. [ED: My response really is there, no ed:s necessary here.]
Meanwhile, in my Telegram chat with Liana Kerzner:
[ED: In the interest of readability, context, and other factors, I have separated out the exchange between Liana Kerzner and I into a new post. It can be found here: /liana-kerzner-redlianaks-exchange-with-asher-wolfstein-september-2024/]
24 October 2024
[ED: Again, in the interest of readability, context, and other factors, I have separated out my previous responses, made on October 24, 2024, into a new post. It can be found here: /liana-kerzners-song-of-sparklemuffin-cancellation-asher-wolfstein-responds-as-well-as-to-jessica-bryce-routhier/]
- This question, “Empathy for what?” just popped out of my head after a very brief analysis of the sentence Jessica (Poppy) had posted, the one I was replying to. It wasn’t after a lot of careful thought. Most everything I write like this doesn’t involve me spending hours and hours over every word and sentence. Really. I wrote this in 4 days, and 2 of them were mostly editing. I type just about as fast as I can think, and, I don’t have an ‘inner voice’ I have to hear spit it out. There three steps: have a “pure” thought form, quickly translate it into linguistic goo, and then spit the fucker out. Those three steps, every time.
And so, it goes like this: I imagined the scenario being painted. Here’s some douchebag taking offense and being defensive because some woman, or anyone, is telling people what another guy did that was, presumably, terrible. He’s not necessarily involved, but he’s getting defensive, and… my question with Jess, is, about what? I, personally, have never identified or felt defensive about being a man when someone else, woman or otherwise, describes something terrible a man has done, because I didn’t do that and I don’t do that and I don’t cover it up. Side note: I bombed Louis Michael Cseke‘s “test of male friendship” (bro code). It’s that simple.
So, then, I place Jessica (Poppy) into the mix and she says, “I’m uncomfortable with this, or, why does this make me feel funny…” but I didn’t imagine that because my brain attaches a sick *teehee* at the end and I want to punch someone in the face, followed up with, “I think it’s important to keep in mind there are times for empathy.”
And the immediate question that I have, looking at this douchebag, looking at Jessica, and then looking at Jess (in my mental theater), is, “For what? … For this guy? For the douchebag behavior? For the guy getting defensive about another guy’s terrible behavior? Like… ??? … for what?” ‘Cause I don’t think the dude requires any empathy, as it sounds like he needs to get a reality check and stop identifying with abusers for some reason, and instead join forces to hold them accountable instead.
Fuck the bro code. To a male in general and not someone specific: We’re not here to ensure you get laid dude.
And, so, that’s what I wrote. This all occurred in about 10 seconds. When it comes to rhetorical conflicts like this, interpersonal or philosophical, I’m really quick on my feet. Like, scary quick. I have a lot of practice.
I didn’t think much of the question. I didn’t think it was particularly deep. It was pretty obvious to me. I went and got Starbucks. And then I got hit with the response, the first being confusion. After showing it to other people, many other people, a common immediate reaction was, “Can Poppy not read?”
They’re talking about someone who boasts she has a Master’s in #Counseling.
And that’s when I realized, something was up.
I had no idea it would turn into me pulling back the curtain on an entire funhouse of cruel social dysfunction and devastate one of my dearest relationships in the process.
It all really hinged on this simple question consisting of three words: Empathy. For. What.
I don’t think it’s a very difficult question, but apparently, it makes someone with a Master’s in #Counseling “confused” at the complexities of the convo.
But, you do what you can, I guess, with just a high school diploma from a dinky small town with very few academic resources outside of sports medicine, also known as the home of a bulldozing anti-government maniac.
Seriously. I spent the first 21 years of my life there. I was born in that county. My father was valedictorian of my high school. My mother attended my high school. My aunts and uncles attended my high school. My 8th grade reading teacher, was my math teacher, was my best friend’s mother, was my oldest brother’s mother-in-law. My 7th grade science teacher was my nurse. My 6th grade math teacher was my 8th grade science teacher was my high school computer teacher.
Everyone close to me had been there for multiple generations. For a long time the entire county had 3 or 4 stoplights. We had two fast-food restaurants, total. We had one movie theater, almost an hour away, that was in a basement, not stadium seated, on a small screen, that showed one movie per week, sometimes for weeks. I’m talking about the whole county.
I rode on an airplane, was in another state, and saw the ocean for the first time when I was 21 years old. I fucking raised sheep and swine to buy my first self-owned computer (one of the first PowerMac’s I believe) and that shit, literally, ain’t easy, or nice.
I didn’t graduate from college. I didn’t even go to college beyond six weeks. I took 2 tests. I was bombing, hard. I was not prepared. I didn’t even have a college experience. That was ripped away from me, partly by others, partly by my dysfunction (being, me, and my choices), and I immediately became a fully licensed insurance agent at the age of 18. That’s life. What else was I going to do?
I’ve never taken a programming class or a computer science adjacent course beyond 6 weeks, and of those I failed, because I couldn’t attend them. I was never taught anything beyond pre-calculus. That doesn’t mean I don’t know things, though, I’m still somewhat fuzzy on all the mechanics of integrals and derivatives.
But, I found a job, briefly, as a professional programmer at a financial statement printing plant. I was fired though, twice, for being incapable of showing up on time. When they fired me the manager said I was one of the best, brightest, and most adaptive problem solvers he’d ever hired.
I’ve also been straight-up arrested once, mid-episode and suicide attempt (overdose), and beyond that cuffed and in the back of police cars with and without chains multiple times, paraded in front of waiting rooms, handcuffed to hospital beds for hours, confined in ‘quiet rooms,’ placed in acute wards, certified for 90 days, and hospitalized 17 times, just like Dr. Moe said, to my tearful mother, would happen.
I’ve struggled my entire adult life with mental health, suffering from the same severe personality disorder Jessica does (diagnosed at 18, and at that time, it was debilitating), as well as severe Treatment Resistant Depression (with one episode of Atypical Psychosis), none self-diagnosed, none broadcast on camera for money, none used for personal fundraisers, and I had just started electro-convulsive therapy (!) after a hospitalization (the first in years).
And the woman with the Master’s was confused by the long convo that had no time limit.
This isn’t a sob story. I don’t want your pity. I don’t care about being a victim of circumstance. I don’t use my mental health to get things or get out of things. I really, definitely, absolutely don’t want someone to come and fix everything, including me, as their little project so they can act like a miracle worker that tamed the beast. You’re not the first. Miss me with that shit.
But, at this point, I don’t know what to tell ya. ↩︎