Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3llrsa6bn4c2k
I do not "hate" @redlianak.bsky.social. We were very good friends (tho she was closer with my husband, @merrystarchild.bsky.social than me) for 5 years. I regard those years fondly. I loved seeing my husband light up and excited about working with Mrs. Kerzner on the Sparklemuffin project.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.582 / 3llrsa6bn4c2k
We spent time with @redlianak.bsky.social "in real life" twice, once in Seattle attending PAX and a "Sierra Alum Party," where, mysteriously (to me) a prominent old-school adventure game designer *allegedly* left the party due to a dislike of Mrs. Kerzner.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.583 / 3llrsa6on4s2k
I participated in a wonderful and funny musical tribute put on my @redlianak.bsky.social and @merrystarchild.bsky.social complete with video display, costume changes, and lots of filking (I was just a brief finale cameo) that many at the party expressed great appreciation for.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.584 / 3llrsa6tu4k2k
Even though my husband and I had already met (and befriended) several of our "heroes" such as Lord British (Richard Garriott), Dr. Cat (of Furcadia fame who talked programming with me), the Coles, and even eventually (later) even making acquaintance with Chris Crawford (my "idol").
2025-04-01 21:16:19.585 / 3llrsa6zno22k
We never needed or "used" @redlianak.bsky.social to be famous, become famous, or meet famous people. We were already doing that to mutually appreciative effect before (and after) our friendship with Mrs. Kerzner.
Truth is, she wanted *@merrystarchild.bsky.social* to introduce her to Lord British.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.586 / 3llrsa6zno32k
The second time was in Arkansas for a mutual friend's wedding. They are shocked at @redlianak.bsky.social's stubbornly non-conciliatory actions and denouncements of my character (I'm sure she'll say illness, but, then, isn't that stigma of the kind I was *originally* accused of?).
2025-04-01 21:16:19.587 / 3llrsa77fb32k
*Unfortunately,* she's now ousted herself in general from those amorphous non-existent "groups" by her actions (mostly towards me concerning professional game development), and no introductions will be made. This is sad and heartbreaking for me, and for her.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.588 / 3llrsa7ffnd2k
Also unfortunately, her scapegoating of my mental illness for her failures to deliver her project to backers has convinced many that I'm so deranged, manic, and disturbed that …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.589 / 3llrsa7ffne2k
someone impersonating me through channels that by design are *anonymous* sounds believable (mainly because they tell them what they want to hear: @redlianak.bsky.social's alleged 180 impressions of me she *never* told me about).
2025-04-01 21:16:19.590 / 3llrsa7fgmm2k
I'm not out to destroy, nuke, or hurt anyone. Why would I do that? Unless, that's what my critics expect me to do because that's what they do…
No one is "ruining" my life, but I'm upset at the inaccuracies and misrepresentations that have continued in response to my reasonable objections.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.591 / 3llrsa7lb5e2k
This is deemed as unreasonable, manic, disturbed, cruel, and mean, for, frankly, obvious reasons.
I've lived my entire life dedicated to the truth, objective reality, and people *as they are,* not what I want, or need, them to be.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.592 / 3llrsa7lc4m2k
You can't appreciate anyone without recognizing and treating them *as they are.* Just for the record, I've been married to @merrystarchild.bsky.social for 20 years now.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.593 / 3llrsa7lc4n2k
@redlianak.bsky.social's claims about me, from the cancellation video onward appear, to me, to be propelled by her association with @ladydiabolique.bsky.social, who has only repeated the clearly intended message.
The treatment, vague indirect responses, "addresses," and allusions continue.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.594 / 3llrsa7r2ov2k
Lo and behold, now an ex-lover and their new girlfriend, being @vividfaegarden.com and @hellscapewanderer.bsky.social have now *joined in* on this campaign (fr fr) because they're butthurt (lol, I don't know what else to write at this point) that …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.595 / 3llrsa7zhan2k
we didn't grovel and apologize for existing in comparison to their super terrible horrible endless trauma from the emotional neglect they endured for 2 years at the hands of a significant other.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.596 / 3llrsaabjzv2k
I'm not looking to convince anyone of anything, that's not my goal. I won't succeed if I place my success in the hands of others. I can't control anyone and I'm not expecting anyone to do anything they aren't already doing, but, they could, I guess, …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.597 / 3llrsaabjzw2k
if they wanted to show I'm more than letters on a screen to them and an actual person also worthy of this highly elusive safety, dignity, and inclusion because of my "inherent worth." If it's "inherent," then, wouldn't it unconditional and simply a reality?
2025-04-01 21:16:19.598 / 3llrsaabjzx2k
That would mean that it doesn't matter if *I* recognize it or not, and yet somehow, it does, almost as if *that's* not un-erasable "context," but @vividfaegarden.com's new identity is.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.599 / 3llrsaabjzy2k
Every element in this Internet-drama, predicated by a Twitter disagreement and the assertion of *my* boundaries against Poppy's overbearing narrative, I mean, subjective reality turned objective, is inanity, including the fact I'm being punished for pushing back in a reasonable fashion.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.600 / 3llrsaahlfi2k
I don't need to "move on," as my, I'll elevate them now, abusers insist. I don't need to accept their reality. I don't need to "leave them alone" by not ever talking about them ever again (this violates their public privacy apparently). I don't need to be a better person.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.601 / 3llrsaahlfj2k
I don't need to afford ever expanding space in my life for their constantly ideal good intentions regardless of outcome for me. I don't need to tolerate being the target of their "trauma responses," because they *haven't* healed from anything because I dared to speak reason as I see it.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.602 / 3llrsaahlfk2k
I don't need to excuse and help erase their ableism, sexism, and racism because they're impulsive (and compulsive) "hurting" individuals. I'm not ableist, racist, or sexist, but otherwise, I'm hurting too. Most people are. I also had a pathological trauma response where …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.603 / 3llrsaahlfl2k
I left the internet for 2.5 weeks, and then came back and immediately apologized (twice) to @redlianak.bsky.social. I followed her advice (fulfilling the expectation I told her to have in front of everybody on the radio) and took time for myself to return to baseline.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.604 / 3llrsaahlfm2k
Due to following *her* advice as a self-appointed Peer Counselor, she's painted those *apologies* as me having no empathy and abusively berating her, screaming, not letting her get in a word edgewise, and "exploding" *note the language* because …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.605 / 3llrsaanwjm2k
I "refused to comply" (wtf?) with, essentially, being a good person. But I didn't refuse. I gave the beginning of a plan, something I had been dragging my feet on (attending DBT classes), and her response was, "blah blah blah," so I stopped. From then on, it was simply me "committing." …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.606 / 3llrsaanwjn2k
Then she went elsewhere, publicly, to declare that me taking time for *my* trauma response (2.5 weeks) was "bullshit" and essentially manipulative emotional violence *against her.* …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.607 / 3llrsaanwjo2k
And yet, amazingly, when they blast their trauma responses *at me* for everyone to see, put out "addresses" and cold deflecting press releases, and then even go so far as to erase the evidence for, seemingly, *my benefit* it's A-OK. That's apparently what you're *supposed* to do to *reduce* stigma.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.608 / 3llrsaanwjp2k
Please, for the love of humanity, the struggling sufferers of chronic mental illness, neurodivergents, and strange (queer) people everywhere, just stop.
Anyone with a modicum of sense can see what's going on.
You're only fooling yourselves via your severe lack of insight.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.609 / 3llrsaanwjq2k
*None* of this needed to happen. I wouldn't have *anything* to really complain about if nobody had misrepresented and lied about me publicly, performing a six month campaign of false light in response to my objections.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.610 / 3llrsaanwjr2k
I have shown throughout my completely public online presence (beginning when I was only 16 years old with a hand-coded HTML page) that I don't shove every little detail of my private life into the "public square" for everyone to gawk at, …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.611 / 3llrsaanxiz2k
precisely because people who are not my friends have come to gawk at what I do put out there anyway. They mercilessly insert their sick fantastical assumptions with zero empathy or concern into whatever I might write or do, stating I "admitted" to them. I didn't.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.612 / 3llrsaanxj22k
And, well, they can do that because I put it out there into the "public space," for personal reasons *fully aware* that might happen. I *do* get to still rebuff their statements regardless, wtf?
2025-04-01 21:16:19.613 / 3llrsaanxj32k
There are a *lot* of details of my life that no one knows. There are myriads of personal dramas in my wake, but they're all private, and random strangers don't have much idea about them. I don't *want* nor *need* an audience for those. I'm audience enough.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.614 / 3llrsaanxj42k
If @redlianak.bsky.social hadn't unnecessarily blamed *my mental illness* in detail she wasnt' going to talk about as a Peer Counselor for the failure of her game project devoted to friendship and kindness because of a Twitter fight with *someone else,* and
2025-04-01 21:16:19.615 / 3llrsaanxj52k
in the process painted me as a "buzzsaw of lunacy" that harasses (misogynistically and transphobically) and thus victimizes others with no accountability (more on that), then I literally would have *nothing* to say about much of anything.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.616 / 3llrsaat4kf2k
I thought my "ugly fight" (actually 2 apologies) with @redlianak.bsky.social would just remain between us for the most part (she might share with friends), and that'd be that, and I was *perfectly fine* with that.
*She* wasn't.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.617 / 3llrsaat4kg2k
On "unaccountability": @redlianak.bsky.social and I must have different definitions of this concept. To me, accountability is "suffering" the consequences of your actions, including good ones.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.618 / 3llrsaazfpw2k
think the responses I'm getting *are* a form of "accountability" because I'm reaping the consequences, despite believing my actions are moral. Others don't, and they don't have to. I'm used to it.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.619 / 3llrsab7lxo2k
But what I believe @redlianak.bsky.social means when she says "unaccountable," is that I'm not tripping over myself apologizing for hurting anyone's feelings, affecting others who've talked about or to me (and lied), and …
2025-04-01 21:16:19.620 / 3llrsab7lxp2k
making sure everyone knows I'm a good person and "really do care about people," on a biweekly basis. I'm supposed to make sure everyone feels good enough (is emotionally "safe") *no matter what they do* because… reasons, such as their own threats to themselves I can't control but am blamed for.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.621 / 3llrsabgbth2k
I must ask though, out of my own self-respect… why would I do that? What reason, after everything that's gone down and the responses I've received, would I possibly have to do that? Who would I do that for? Who would that benefit?
2025-04-01 21:16:19.622 / 3llrsabgbti2k
How would that work towards resolving anything I allegedly want to resolve?
Or would it just make me "look good" and legitimate to others?
2025-04-01 21:16:19.623 / 3llrsabgbtj2k
I guess I'm *supposed* to be doing this shit because, at this point, why not…
If you like this content and want to see more please support me at my Ko-Fi, it would mean a lot and show an ounce of support for my viewpoint.
2025-04-01 21:16:19.624 / 3llrsabgcsr2k
It also has continued to tarnish my reputation among various strange (queer) individuals in the indie game dev scene, including along some furry circles, who *might* be my target audience for a future project (one @redlianak.bsky.social knows *all* about coincidentally).
2025-04-01 21:19:26.061 / 3llrsfq4kiz2k
I'm sure now, despite anything I might do or say, the rumors will now persist and spread for a long time. @redlianak.bsky.social has said multiple times there's nothing anyone can do about that, and she's right, but her suggestion of doing nothing is… peak victim blaming.
2025-04-01 21:19:26.062 / 3llrsfqca5j2k
Oh, by the way, I attended the DBT group (again, I quit my first one years ago) and *completed* the program, and am now close to completing the post-IOP weekly group. This was a commitment *to me*, not her, so I did it anyway to be a better person.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.966 / 3llrzxhbp7l2k
Again, remember that @redlianak.bsky.social's response to this *first* proposal was "blah blah blah" so I didn't share any others. Instead, I just "committed" to whatever demands of hers I felt were valid enough to do something about,
2025-04-01 23:34:36.967 / 3llrzxhk2s32k
mostly *for her and my husband's relationship* because I love his happiness. I did *not* commit or comment on anything regarding mental health stigma (or the ensuing transphobia that I believed was coming, and did) because I didn't have any reason to believe I had done perpetuated it.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.968 / 3llrzxhsdgt2k
Note that @redlianak.bsky.social claimed, right off the bat, that @ladydiabolique.bsky.social was willing to "apologize" the next day, which showed that *my* pathological "trauma response" (I've never called it that, this is *their* language) was …
2025-04-01 23:34:36.969 / 3llrzxhseg32k
"blowing things way out of proportion" during an "empathy test." I was to, I'm inferring, manage my #BPD like… Poppy? O.O WOW
Are you fucking kidding me?
2025-04-01 23:34:36.970 / 3llrzxi2j5t2k
Oh, by the way, when @ladydiabolique.bsky.social *was* presented with an opportunity to apologize (I was poking around on bsky and was talking to an acquaintance), she double down that this whole thing was about …
2025-04-01 23:34:36.971 / 3llrzxi2k532k
me being rejected by her and her chastising me for being inappropriate on Twitter whereupon I subsequently ruined a thounsands-dollar business deal for a friend of hers.
What an apology!
It's not about any of that, which I said then, and now.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.972 / 3llrzxiafn32k
Also, @redlianak.bsky.social failed *her own empathy test* when I asked (from memory, possibly paraphrased), in response to her severe dismissals via the standard(s) of @ladydiabolique.bsky.social, "How would you if I said all of that to you about everything you're upset about right now?"
2025-04-01 23:34:36.973 / 3llrzxiagmd2k
She freaked the fuck out immediately, emphatically telling me (from memory, possibly paraphrased), "You have *no* idea the shit that [my husband] has put me through these last 2 weeks."
2025-04-01 23:34:36.974 / 3llrzxigvnd2k
My husband told me what it was, and showed me. It's like she thought I wouldn't double-check for some reason. Does she talk to her husband? I did. I have *no idea* what she's talking about.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.975 / 3llrzxigvne2k
Not using the Internet Iike I'm apt to do was a commitment *to @redlianak.bsky.social* and since we're not friends, well, I see no need to abide by that. It tells her *nothing* about my integrity, that I'm lying, that she 'knew the truth' about me all along, my lack of impulse control, …
2025-04-01 23:34:36.976 / 3llrzxigwmm2k
or 'proves' anything except in @redlianak.bsky.social's myopic self-absorbed conception of me.
I ask (hopefully) the reader now:
Do I, in all the words I write on a screen that supposedly reveal everything about me, my psyche, and my motivations… seem like the person that keeps being described?
2025-04-01 23:34:36.977 / 3llrzxim6lm2k
Where's my wake of abuse victims reeling behind me and angry at ever meeting me that I would think would have manifested for the last 15 years?
I've always been this way, even in real life. It's not an act I'm putting on for an Internet-social-media-network-turned-constant-overbearing-amphitheater
2025-04-01 23:34:36.978 / 3llrzxis32u2k
Where are all my victims I surely have?
Where's my record of seedy disgusting repulsive abusive behavior?
I'm really asking! Go ahead, look for one!
Where is it?
And where is *my* audience I'm so "desperately craving" talking at length about all of it?
2025-04-01 23:34:36.979 / 3llrzxis32v2k
If I *ever* had a significant size crowd, ever, due to being *thrust* against my will into the @ladydiabolique.bsky.social drama by association with @redlianak.bsky.social who defended her at length (this occurred *before* the inciting incident for all of this), then they seem to have gone quiet.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.980 / 3llrzxis4252k
Weird that.
2025-04-01 23:34:36.981 / 3llrzxiy4gf2k
ATProto root record: 3llrsa6bn4c2k