Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3lpuvx25g272t
We really need to talk…
*I really need to talk* about "boundary violations."
"Boundaries" have become a 'package deal,' where the term encompasses many different concepts to different people, many put together as the same thing, but aren't really the same thing.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.953 / 3lpuvx25g272t
The problem with this is that these concepts that *aren't the same* are then treated *as the same* and thus, they are *all* to be considered as the worst among them is.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.954 / 3lpuvx25ixx2t
Injury, violence, abuse, and assault are *all* boundary violations. No denying that. However, when someone responding to something you said in a public forum where both of you are in front of an audience is also considered a "boundary violation" then…
2025-05-24 00:41:33.955 / 3lpuvx25jx72t
responding to an accusation you made isn't a "violation," unless… the intent of boundaries is to silence the people you throw accusations against.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.956 / 3lpuvx25jxa2t
Presenting a proposal, like showing up and asking if you want to go out or just asking at all, is *not* a boundary violation.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.957 / 3lpuvx25jxb2t
You having to take the responsibility of expressing your desires and saying no, and the uncomfortable feelings that come with it, is not something others impose on you. (On the surface, good faith here.)
2025-05-24 00:41:33.958 / 3lpuvx25jxc2t
It is not aggressive. Expecting someone to read your mind and accuse them of "busting boundaries" when they *ask a question* is the violation. Take self-responsibility, own up to what you want, and just say no.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.959 / 3lpuvx25kwk2t
Past that, there may be boundaries crossed, but asking the question *is not* a boundary violation. And it is *not* equivalent to injury, violence, abuse, or assault.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.960 / 3lpuvx25lvs2t
Learn to just say no and own it. I did. And, believe it or not, I am *also* pretty introverted.
If this is a surprise to any of you, then, you *don't* actually know me enough to *fully understand my situation.*
2025-05-24 00:41:33.961 / 3lpuvx25lvt2t
The issue is that all of these considerations are not all the same thing, and aren't all on the same level of significance or responsibility.
2025-05-24 00:41:33.962 / 3lpuvx25lvu2t
I will be writing extensively about boundaries soon: where they came from, who's talked about them, what they mean, how they're treated, their philosophical underpinnings, their effects on society, their evolution into modern culture,
2025-05-24 00:41:33.963 / 3lpuvx25lvv2t
and how most of the influencers and pop psychologists that talk about them today are terrible. The "boundaries" I came to know 17 years ago are *not* the boundaries I see today,
and it shows. Stay tuned!
2025-05-24 00:41:33.964 / 3lpuvx25lvw2t
ATProto root record: 3lpuvx25g272t