To understand the context of this writing, which I did the day after episode 2 in one swoop, please see HUGNS Episode 1 and HUGNS Episode 2.
Happy UnderGround News Station Episode 3 – March 26, 2008
“Magical Alcoholic Foliage”
© Kadar Development and Author
Written By: Asher Wolfstein
Voice-Over > Welcome to the Happy UnderGround News Station!
(Intro Music)
<<Splash Screen>>
Newscaster > We open with a delightfully happy story about the most basic of all human emotions: lust. No one on earth hasn’t experienced the high of both desiring another unabashedly and being desired instantaneously for countless number of irrational reasons. It feels great. One woman experienced a manifestation of this emotive energy today sitting in a park people watching. We take you on spot:
Woman on Right > Well, I was sitting here reading the latest thriller slash adventure comedy when I looked up from the scene where the guy hiding behind the curtains pokes the heroine’s eyes…
Woman on Left > Great now you ruined it…
Woman on Right > Oh don’t worry, it’s nothing compared to chapter thirteen where they dance the charleston half naked after a suspenseful game of poker gone bad.
Woman on Left > <slaps forehead>
Woman on Right > So, there I was, picture it, 15 minutes ago, as I was finishing up my side salad with black olives I saw… a man.
Woman on Left > A very mysterious man.
Woman on Right > I thought, “This man is so tall, so dark, so handsome, so mysterious, so… je ne sais quoi… what could I have ever done to gaze upon a man such as this.” Then he started to turn and my heart skipped a beat, I felt like, a flutter, then I saw those long sexy eye lashes, that five o’clock shadow, that strong chin and I started getting hot flashes.
Woman on Left > Mm-hmm girl, them’s the only way you’ve been hot these days…
Woman on Right > Oh Nancy, you’re such a flirt! Then it hit me, it was…
Woman on Left > “The Look”
Woman on Right > Oh yeah, like the ultimate look. I almost fell off this here park bench, it was too powerful. I almost… well, you know, on the spot right here in public, but I didn’t. What a man!
<<Approximate Dramatization>>
Woman on Right > Yeah, like that, play that again!
<<Approximate Dramatization>>
Woman on Left > Damn, woman, you weren’t joking around!
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > <fans himself> I have to say, even our approximate dramatization seems pretty close, that was integredecable! Whoo… well, allegedly woman and men get random romantic looks from strangers every day, it just doesn’t happen every day to every one of us all the time.
Newscaster > I know I’ve gotten one or two in my years.
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > Only two? I mean, see what I mean?
Newscaster > Haha, I sure do Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer and now we take you to our international segment of the show. An Ecuadorian woman today discovered that watered down liquor actually helped her houseplant survive. We were aghast when she shared this horticultural secret with our panel of international story hounds. Don’t worry, we’re very forward thinking here and hire myriad breeds. We decided to investigate and our experts have reported that liquor can actually help the display and care of houseplants, although technically still damaging their health. We take you on location:
<<Subtitled>>
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > His to share of the alcohol of the interspecies it is doing ma’am of the titles. Is this here the remarkable plant?
Ecuadorian Housewife > El Oh sí, esto es la planta aquí. ¿Él es un lirio, y no es él hermoso? ¿Él no era siempre como esto sin embargo, era usted mi querido dulce? <babytalks/nuzzles? flower>
[[The Oh yes, this is the plant here. It is an iris, and he is not beautiful he? It was not always like this nevertheless, you were you my sweet beloved?]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > So dígame, now that you have discovered your horticultural secret discovered again? What could have had to him to spill the alcohol diluted in this charming plant?
Ecuadorian Housewife > Oh, no vertí cualquier cosa en esta pequeña tierra querida de las plantas. ¡Trabajo demasiado difícilmente para ése! No era yo, él era mi marido. Él y el suyo telefunken el juego de los compinches el juego del dang, yo le dicen que casara a hombre extraño. ¿Por qué no puede él justo jugar el póker como otros hombres sanos su edad? Honesto. <shrugs>
[[Oh, I did not spill any thing in this small wanted land of the plants. Work too much hardly for that one! She was not I, he era my husband. It and his telefunken the game of the pals the game of dang, I say to him that he married to strange man. Why cannot he just play the poker like other healthy men his age? Honest.]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > I they do not understand, how his they telefunken playing husband calculated in this whole subject of plant.
Ecuadorian Husband > Bien, Sr. Anonymous Field Interviewer va algo como esto. Los individuos y yo nos reunimos una vez que cada semana al juego telefunken alrededor de mediodía en las horas wee de la mañana. Bien, el whisky y el tequila conseguirían añejos después de un rato de fumar y de comer los cacahuetes así que drenaríamos el resto de los fondos de nuestros cristales y botellas en este aquí lirio. Habríamos puesto en el fregadero…
[[Well, Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer goes something like this. The individuals and I met once every week to the game they in the morning telefunken around noon in the hours wee. Well, the whiskey and the tequila would obtain awhile aged after smoking and eating the peanuts so we would drain the rest of the bottoms of our crystals and bottles in this here iris. We would have put in the sink…]]
Ecuadorian Housewife > Pero eran demasiado perezosos y jugaban en el hoyo de la conversación en lugar de otro. ¡Vi que que hacían esto a esta planta pobre un día y yo casi tenían un ataque del corazón! ¡Mi planta pobre, cómo podría esto encenderse!
[[But they were too sluggish and they played in the hole of the conversation instead of another one. I saw that that did this to this poor plant a day and I almost they had an attack of the heart! My poor plant, how this could ignite!]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > How this could ignite in fact. What you did on this atrocity towards class of the plant?
Ecuadorian Housewife > ¡Eliminé la planta por supuesto! No podría dejar que continúa, no a mi planta pobre. Sin embargo, la semana siguiente después de tomarla lejos que la planta comenzó a inclinarse y a marchitarse. No podría calcular fuera de cuál era incorrecto con él, así que intenté más y menos luz del sol, más y menos aire, y un diverso suelo. ¡Cambiar el suelo le hizo peor uniforme! Entonces amaneció en mí y pensé del único cambio que había ocurrido en el cortocircuito pero la vida agotadora de la planta.
[[I eliminated the plant of course! It could not leave continues, not to my poor plant. Nevertheless, the following week after taking it far that the plant began to incline and to marchitar itself. It could not calculate outside which he was incorrect more with him, so I tried more and less light of the sun, and less air, and a diverse ground. To change the ground did worse uniform to him! Then amaneció in me and I thought of the only change that had happened in the short circuit but the exhausting life of the plant.]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > A fascinating process one could imagine, even tedious to the point of greatacular annoyance. What foretold bizarre conclusions did you finally reach?
Ecuadorian Husband > ¡Ella movió hacia atrás la planta! Pensamos que era grande, porque habíamos perdido el un lugar que podríamos verter nuestro alcohol añejo hacia fuera.
[[She moved the plant backwards! We thought that he was great, because there were lost a place that we could spill our aged alcohol towards outside.]]
Ecuadorian Housewife > <lowers her voice> ¿Vemos, no somos exactamente la gente más rica de la vecindad, yo significamos, somos cualquier persona aquí ricos? No podemos guardar el proveer de alcoholes a cada cabrito en el bloque, ninguna materia que ella es historia del sollozo. ¡No es mi problema que ella es cinco! Qué viene abajo es que lo regamos tragamos levemente a apenas sobre triple nuestra cantidad. Sus amigos realmente no saben esto, sino que es verdad, y nunca pensé que ascendería siempre cualquier cosa…
[[We see, we are not exactly the richest people of the vicinity, I we meant, we are any person here rich? We cannot keep providing with alcohol to each cabrito in the block, no matter that it is history of the sob. It is not my problem that it is five! What comes down is that we watered it we swallowed slightly to hardly on triple our amount. Their friends really do not know this, but that it is truth, and I never thought that he would promote always any thing…]]
Ecuadorian Husband > ¡Cuáles son usted que dice allá, no puedo oírle!
[[Which are you that you say there, I cannot oir to him!]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > She is saying to me how you individual water them under your whiskey!
Ecuadorian Housewife > ¡Sr. Anonymous Field Interviewer! Pensé podría tener confianza en usted, pero conjeturo que era incorrecto. Tengo gusto de eso en un hombre.
[[Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer! I thought could have confidence in you, but I conjecture that he was incorrect. I have taste of that in a man.]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > Hardly doing my ma’am of the work, now as soon as the facts?
Ecuadorian Husband > Mama Mía!
Ecuadorian Housewife > Hice una cierta investigación, y descubrí que las cantidades diluidas de alcohol impiden realmente el crecimiento del vástago en muchas flores mientras que en el mismo tiempo que no afecta los bulbos hermosos. Resulta sin embargo, eso después de una exposición tan prolongada al alcohol, mi flor hermosa había sentido bien a un alcohólico. Un alcohólico bonito sí, pero un alcohólico ningún menos.
[[I made a certain investigation, and I discovered that the diluted amounts of alcohol really prevent the growth of the piston rod in many flowers whereas in the same time that does not affect beautiful bulbs. It is nevertheless, that after a exhibition so prolonged to the alcohol, my beautiful flower had felt well to an alcoholic one. Alcoholic a pretty one yes, but alcoholic none less.]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > One what investigation for somebody as. An amazing discovery, that is truth our experts also have verified also.
Ecuadorian Housewife > <admonishing again> ¡Sr. Anonymous Field Interviewer! Soy una mujer educada que usted conoce, Harvard atendida I, consiguió un grado usted sabe. No recuerdo cuáles era adentro, pero estaba en algo.
[[Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer! I am an educated woman who you know, taken care of Harvard I, obtained to a degree you you know. Nonmemory which were inside, but was in something.]]
Ecuadorian Husband > ¡Un pote! ¡Estaba en un pote con la suciedad, de que es en cuál estaba!
[[Pote! It was in pote with the dirt, of which it is in which was!]]
Mr. Anonymous Field Interviewer > Well, that one is to Newscaster of history here. Now I know to be able all my flowers in the country to be unemployed for above, and not slouch. If only all our histories were like clarifying for our enthusiastic ones of the homes and the gardens.
Newscaster > Yes, if only, as flower unemployment rate is atrocious these days. We’ll be back after these messages.
<<Splash Screen>>
Voice-Over > Slap happiness… Simple elation? Or dangerous abuse?
<<Different Remix Video Approx: 3:21 min>>
<<Splash Screen>>
Voice-Over > Happy news is freakespotic for society!
Newscaster > Thanks for joining us again. That’s all the news for today, I hope we could increase your happiness value by 312%, I know I would. Stay tuned for a free refill, and in the meantime, keep your chin above the water so you don’t drown.
<<Splash Screen>>
Voice-Over > For all the world’s happiness pleasures!
(Exit Music)
<<Fade and Credits>>
Approximate Running Time: Unknown