“All while fearing for the lives of friends and family and dealing with the survivors [sic] guilt of being relatively safe.”
Audrey Crawford on BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/hellscapewanderer.bsky.social/post/3mdtswrsgfs2q
To opine like Liana Kerzner, as she does near the end of many of her ‘advice’ videos as a “mental health journalist”1 this is the level of ridiculousness I’ve had to deal with for the last year. A ridiculousness that has seeped into everything around us to the degree that I, a near-recluse, couldn’t even stave it off. That of victim culture, and the requirement of guilt to be morally significant. This is the result of altruism.
No, weird anonymous commenter who is too cowardly to reveal who they are publicly, altruism is not a good thing, not here, but, it looks like you don’t really understand what the fuck I write.
Let me put it plainly:
Audrey Crawford is, presumably, making herself out to be the victim of individuals, such as Jessica, Annie, me (the “broken nobody” which, we know, is not actually dehumanizing… yet), and my husband Maus, which, granted, isn’t a bad move.
Sometimes people are victims. For example, I have spent a great number of words showing the moral asymmetries and power imbalances of my victimization at the hands of Jessica (a licensed therapist) and Liana Kerzner (a “mental health journalist,” see footnote 1). No problem with that. And if Audrey sees herself as a victim of my rhetoric, fair enough I suppose. She definitely is a popular subject. That’s her perspective, though, just like my claims are my perspective.
That’s how it be and I accept that.
However, then, as it usually does, it expands to the world. Not being a victim enough, she pulls in what’s happening in the United States (which I live almost in the center of), with ICE and the increasingly-fascistic government encroachment and violent excesses, to bemoan how she’s stressed over her friends and family.
Me too! So, good there. I can dig it.
And then… the thing that just blows my fucking mind.
“… and dealing with the survivors [sic] guilt of being relatively safe.”
Audrey Crawford lives in Canada, with her wife, Saige, who used to be a manager at Starbucks from Illinois, I believe, and they’re currently residing in Surrey, British Columbia, I believe, I don’t really know, I put this together from when they “stalked” (to use their terminology) my LinkedIn profile, but this is relevant because Minnesota (the place in the news right now, because, Audrey is all about being somebody I guess and this is a topical post) is 1,414 miles away from Surrey.
And so, true, I’m sure she does have survivor’s guilt. I know when I was in the Shining Stars program with the older adolescents who had suffered from cancer and survived, they would speak of survivor’s guilt after watching so many peers they became close to succumb to their terminal illness. I don’t doubt the survivor’s guilt.
But to put this up, to clearly highlight their beleaguered suffering in what is a socially chastising thread, translates in MY brain to the following:
Please, please pity me for NOT being a victim! I feel terrible for NOT being a victim, and I’m suffering so bad in the feels because I WASN’T a victim, when… I guess I’d feel better BEING a victim, but, I just can’t be because I’m relatively safe.
Audrey Crawford as translated by a “broken” manic, “deranged,” “nobody.”
And this tracks with the way Saige and Audrey (and Cerise, when Saige needed to signal she was in psychological crisis) showed up to make sure I knew that Saige, was the biggest, most real, victim (as opposed to my “Twitter beef” with Jessica, which, yeah, it was a Twitter beef) of the discourse, who should be responsible for telling the real victim’s stories (which, maybe mine too?)
Gatekeeping victimhood much there Saige?
(Kiwi Farms agrees, by the way, if anyone cares anymore.)
Let me try this leftist altruistic scolding thing they like to do: If you have survivor’s guilt, don’t spend your energy trying to garner sympathy, because you’re not the center of victimization. That’s incredibly self-involved, self-serving exploitation, speaking over real victims, and very, very White. Instead, use your resources, connections, and time to coordinate and post aid for people who may need it, because if that’s really what’s consuming you, you will turn it into your quest, not a prop you can hold up in the public sphere to give you better lighting; much like how I, who she deemed mentally unwell, was a prop in the background of her main character life as she talked about intentionally aggravating my situation *teehee*.
This is after she, her partner, and her partner’s mental construct turned manifest by others’ patient misguided tolerance (in my layman’s opinion, a vestigial remnant of her abuser Jessica), were ableist, sexist, and racist towards my partner and I (who, by the way, is a naturalized citizen). As Arby’s might say if it existed on the ground floor of Hazbin Hotel (a show I’ve never seen): I have the shots! (screenshots)
When you are invested full-tilt in the altruist ethic, the only way anyone has any moral significance is to suffer from something, to be a victim of something. And, as you can see, it runs roughshod over any other grievance as people fight to win the victim Olympics, as if… someone else’s victimhood will take away from their moral value.
I. Can’t. Even.
I know that’s sorta cringe, but, I don’t know what else to say at this point:
Pity me for being safe! ~ Professional Victims
- I swear, she took some communications courses and decided that, to be relevant and make a career for herself (since she doesn’t have the option of just, being ignored, lest she not make a living) she simply picks a topic that interests her, or she has some background or experience with, and attaches the word “journalist” to the end of it like that gives her some kind of authority beyond a passive-income grifting YouTuber. Yeah. Grifting. Because she’s demonstrably bad at it. I avoid using that kind of language, but, OMG, I’ve used all the polite terms and no one seems to notice (’cause I’m a big bad unstable broken nobody monster… according to Audrey Crawford above, who cannot stand not being pitied for being safe.) ↩︎
Transcript of First Screenshot
🏳️⚧️ Wanderer 🔆 @hellscapewanderer.b... - 14h
The world is on fire, while my wife and all our friends are being harried on all sides by a maniacal ex, a pdfilic [sic] stalker, a broken nobody who can't stand that some women on the internet told him no (a whole year later) and his husband.
All while fearing for the lives of friends and family and dealing with the survivors [sic] guilt of being relatively safe.
I have things I wish to say to each of them, I have things I want to say about the state of the world. I have things I want to say about what I think needs to be done.
You all know what I want to say. How I wish handling these issues in that way could lead to any semblance of peace. But it won't. So I stay silent for the moment I have something useful and not filled with righteous fury and hate for what they have done to us.
What they have done to her.