Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3lfpzhbcp652y
To my knowledge, I have not contradicted myself on any of this. My story has been the same this whole time. If I have contradicted myself, please, anyone, point out to me the contradiction so I can correct it. I don't do willful contradictions.
2025-01-14 19:49:04.592 / 3lfpzhbcp652y
I can confidently say, given what Mrs. Kerzner has responded with and said about me since she "exploded" (her language), she does not, in fact, "care" about me in any genuine fashion. She "cares" about me insofar as I shut up, fix myself to her standards, and stop bothering people with my antics.
2025-01-14 19:49:04.593 / 3lfpzhcclof2y
If what I've said is confusing, such as the blocking thing, it is because I'm clearing up what Mrs. Kerzner has confused, which comes across as confusing.
Here it is, plain and simple:
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.563 / 3lfq3tscwen2y
I was friends with Mrs. Kerzner for 5 years.
One day I argued with a mutual friend @ladydiabolique.bsky.social and called her "manipulative" after backing up all the ways she was being manipulative in the discussion (I'll repost that whole thing so you can draw your own conclusions)
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.564 / 3lfq3tshsmn2y
I then sent very emotional angry short outbursts directly to Mrs. Kerzner the likes of which said, "Fuck this," "Fuck her," and "The trolls were right." I then *deleted* those because they were inappropriate and not accurate (the trolls part is *not* accurate). …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.565 / 3lfq3tsq2c52y
It was a moment where *I* was not behaving rationally or acceptably for which I apologize.
I then wrote a much better, detailed response as to why I was *glad* the incident happened and was going to move on. I detailed *why* it bothered me so much.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.566 / 3lfq3tsq2c62y
Mrs. Kerzner was understandably very bothered by the whole thing, and my outburst, which I didn't have a problem with. What I had an issue with was when she started down the path of reinforcing Poppy's argument against me that was very inappropriate. I could see for myself where this was going.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.567 / 3lfq3tsq2c72y
I promptly blocked her for 2.5 weeks, everywhere, on every platform. I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to apologize to Poppy after she blasted me to her followers with mental health diagnoses and stigma. …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.568 / 3lfq3tsq3bh2y
I had *finally* de-pedestaled her (my term for the opposite of idealization) and demonized Mrs. Kerzner in my mind. I knew I could not operate with that and have positive outcomes after 23 years of therapy, so I removed myself completely. …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.569 / 3lfq3tsq3bi2y
I *manage* my symptoms contrary to popular belief, I just don't do it the way I'm *supposed* to do it apparently. I blocked her in an attempt to avoid *all of this.*
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.570 / 3lfq3tsq3bj2y
During those 2.5 weeks my husband was in contact with her and *told her I'd be back.* He could handle anything that needed to be handled regarding the hosting.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.571 / 3lfq3tsq3bk2y
I spent the 2.5 weeks returning to "baseline" as Mrs. Kerzner calls it. It took 2.5 weeks. *I have a personality disorder,* something Mrs. Kerzner was *fascinated* with until this moment.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.572 / 3lfq3tsq3bl2y
When I returned, unblocking *everyone everywhere* I immediately apologized. I was confronted with hostility, which I accepted. Mrs. Kerzner then flung herself into expressing a "trauma response" which I recognized as such. I felt so bad. …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.573 / 3lfq3tsq5a32y
She was clearly unwell so I did my best to listen despite her telling me I wasn't listening without being a doormat.
I was willing to forgive all of her terrible outburst against me as part of a pathological response, much like mine, right up until …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.574 / 3lfq3tsq5a42y
she decided to make a video where she unfairly and falsely blamed significant delays of her Sparklemuffin game project on *my* mental illness rather than where they truly originated, painting me as "crossing moral boundaries" in her opinion (which I respect), and unfortunately now, transphobic.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.575 / 3lfq3tsq5a52y
This was where all potential for forgiveness ended. She nailed the door shut, blocking me. I was looking forward to re-engaging with her on this contentious issue as I have done with many friends (some of who have no reconnected) over many years.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.576 / 3lfq3tsq5a62y
I was not given that opportunity, it was cut short by Mrs. Kerzner.
Now, I am the nasty sociopathic piece of shit villain who vandalizes things in terrible hatemongering delusions, whereas, in my interview for her show It's Not Therapy I was …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.577 / 3lfq3tsq5a72y
a great personality and awesome, inspiring even! Talk about a pedestal.
None of my behaviors have changed. They've remained consistent for the last decade, before our friendship, during our friendship, and after our friendship. I never sought to ever give her …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.578 / 3lfq3tsq5aa2y
any false impressions or incorrect expectations in my favor. I tell people exactly what I think, what I'll do, and who I am, unlike, apparently, Mrs. Kerzner. I am up front.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.579 / 3lfq3tsq5ab2y
She liked all my behaviors, even when I was being engaged by Kiwi Farms and I vaguely responded, even defending the things I wrote that Kiwi Farmer's criticized. Things that aren't exactly pretty or generally socially acceptable.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.580 / 3lfq3tsq67j2y
Suddenly, because I did what I do to a trans woman the same as I do to every other person I come across before and after whether they are part of the "in group" or "out group" (there is no difference with me) and that caused Mrs. Kerzner to feel …
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.581 / 3lfq3tsq67k2y
threatened for one reason or another (as far as I can surmise, this is speculation), I am now a "stalker" bad guy.
Nothing has changed. I haven't changed. No mask ever fell off. I am the same exact person I've always been. I'm just inconvenient because I'm not approving and positive.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.582 / 3lfq3tsq67l2y
I'm not miserable, I'm not spiraling, I'm not reveling in my own self-inflicted misery, I'm not unstable, etc. I'm not the things Mrs. Kerzner has decided to paint me as in her peer counselor wisdom. Her entire take on me, which she shared with me at length, is completely wrong. …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.583 / 3lfq3tsq67m2y
I am not afraid of my emotions, my father did not teach me to be so, he did *not* only care about himself and the dark recesses of his mind, he was *not* proactively abusive (he was *emotionally negligent,* I suffer from emotional neglect), his brilliance did him well and …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.584 / 3lfq3tsq67n2y
he did *not* throw his life away (what the fuck does that mean?), *and* most importantly, I am actually doing better now than I have since I was 24 after electroconvulsive therapy.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.585 / 3lfq3tsq67o2y
Mrs. Kerzner has never met or interacted with my father. She's seen a couple pictures and one private music video. She's never even heard his voice.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.586 / 3lfq3tsq67p2y
The picture Mrs. Kerzner paints of me is *full* of mental health stigma for various self-centered purposes. If I'm so irrational, unstable, and miserable, how can I find the time or energy (or intelligence) to write all of this like this? It doesn't make sense.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.587 / 3lfq3tsq67q2y
Please come to your own conclusions. Consider that, yes, I may be an abrasive debate bro (it's a passion of mine), and yes, I may be contentious and pedantic over odd bits and things, but I …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.588 / 3lfq3tsq67r2y
am dedicated to the truth and valuing (and treating) people for *what they are* and *what they do* in reality, not some fantasy I pretend is true.
If you don't like me or my *personality* ('cause all of that is *personality* not mental illness) that's fine, you do you, …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.589 / 3lfq3tsq67s2y
I don't have to have you like me. You want to argue? That's fine too! I respect people's identities (I'm trans-species, I mean, what weird glass house would I have to live in if I didn't?), and I am all about the argument.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.590 / 3lfq3tsq67t2y
Mrs. Kerzner is concocting a demon where there isn't one. It's literally mental health stigma. I'm not unhealthy, just opinionated, and people don't like me. That's not unhealthy.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.591 / 3lfq3tsq67u2y
Being obnoxious, abrasive, picky, contentious, not sociable (in those regards, otherwise, I'm really sociable actually), and unfriendly are not signs, symptoms, or manifestations of *mental illness* as Mrs. Kerzner seems to want to suggest overall (in my opinion). …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.592 / 3lfq3tsq67v2y
That's straight out of the 50s and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest shit right there. I've been doing this for 23 years, I should know. Psychiatrists, therapists, nurses, psychologists, and the dozens of people who've treated me would not agree with her perspectives on that. …
2025-01-14 20:31:52.593 / 3lfq3tsq67w2y
They've *not once* said my contentiousness, intelligence, or rhetoric are *the* problem in my life or a manifestation of my mental illness.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.594 / 3lfq3tsq67x2y
She's a terrible peer counselor, dispenses rambling terrible advice, and is best to simply avoid. My suggestion is for her to go back to gaming content and give all of this up.
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2025-01-14 20:31:52.595 / 3lfq3tsq67y2y
She's demonstrably hurting people (even doxing them) because she feels betrayed and her ideal self-image is being 'attacked' so she responds like a classic neurotic straight out of a Karen Horney book (yes, I do know what I'm talking about).
Just do gaming. It will serve everyone a lot better.
2025-01-14 20:31:52.596 / 3lfq3tsq67z2y
*now reconnected, not "*not* reconnected"
I have enjoyed a couple of old friends now talking to me again, one of which came back and one of which I apologized to.
2025-01-14 20:55:00.297 / 3lfq555r7ez2y
I want to add one small detail. The friend I apologized to was blocked by me for years, for a second time, after *12 years* of being blocked. Mrs. Kerzner knew this. She knew I'm capable and prone to recusing myself for *years.* It's actually fairly normal where I come from to do that. …
2025-01-14 20:55:00.298 / 3lfq555w5lj2y
Healthy? I don't know, but it was normal growing up. My husband convinced me a *year* was too long, so I cut it as short as possible, which was 2.5 weeks. I'm hardcore. This old friend of multiple decades and I are now enjoying a good relationship, again. Mrs. Kerzner and I are not.
2025-01-14 20:55:00.299 / 3lfq555w5lk2y
I suspect now that these words are being taken incorrectly, as in not what I meant. It’s my fault for not being absolutely clear: I never depedestaled Poppy, not then, not now. Poppy’s final tweet that was removed at Mrs. Kerzner’s request (she told my husband this) was what led me to come back out.
2025-01-16 22:45:49.890 / 3lfveb6a7ik2u
I depedestaled Mrs. Kerzner, and even that is misleading, because she wasn’t on a pedestal. She was just someone I considered a close friend I had communicated with almost every day for 5 years. I hope that clears things up. …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.891 / 3lfveb6rqzc2u
Poppy’s final deleted tweet was unethical given her position, inaccurate, stigmatizing (painting her as a victim, despite her insistence she never said it, of my alleged splitting), delegitimizing, and just plain *manipulative.* Lest I be called transphobic again, I’ll explain. …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.892 / 3lfveb6rsxs2u
Everything from when she, as in Poppy, set a clear boundary (“uncomfortable” is very clear *code* for boundary) was very much designed to silence me and incentivize me to go away through shame. *I’m not responsible for enforcing Poppy’s personal boundaries.* SHE came back, …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.893 / 3lfveb6ruwc2u
even though I didn’t expect her to do so. I was *not* clamoring for her attention. This is all superimposed narrative. She’s free to think that and say that, but it’s not true from my end because *I know myself.* …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.894 / 3lfveb6rwus2u
Likewise, Mrs. Kerzner calling me transphobic is an extension by proxy, in my opinion, of this exact same shame tactic. But I don’t do unearned guilt like that, something I had communicated I believe to Mrs. Kerzner multiple times. …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.895 / 3lfveb6rytc2u
Similarly, Mrs. Kerzner’s insistence that I’m lying to myself and she knows the true nature of my psyche and psychological state is the height of arrogance for someone who proclai ms every podcast episode that she’s “not a therapist.” …
2025-01-16 22:45:49.896 / 3lfveb6rzsk2u
She’s free to believe and state she knows, just as I am to state that it simply isn’t true. It didn’t fit when she told me, and it doesn’t fit now. Not one person who knows me personally agrees with her interpretation.
2025-01-16 22:45:49.897 / 3lfveb6s3r22u
ATProto root record: 3lfpzhbcp652y