Source: at://did:plc:v2j2g5pdghrwazhbw6gvxtdp/app.bsky.feed.post/3lm6ps2lduk2r
So that everyone's on the same page as this detail may get completely lost in my sea of 'manic' posts…
I don't 'hate' Liana Kerzner and am not one of her random pop culture trolls with an agenda and no life.
An important ? about *all* of the misrepresentations being thrown around.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.058 / 3lm6ps2lduk2r
I am not an obsessed 'stalker.' Not that this disqualifies me from being one, but I actually do personally know Liana Kerzner. We've 'hung out' in person for many days multiple times.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.059 / 3lm6ps2ljq22r
My husband and I attended PAX West with her and a mutual friend's wedding. I used to talk to her just about every day. My husband worked with her on Song of Sparklemuffin (her game project). We were good friends for 5 years.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.060 / 3lm6ps2ljq32r
In those 5 years, she never shared with me any of the complaints, gripes, observations, or dissatisfaction she's voicing now, such as the claim I 'harassed' people too much or didn't respect their… I don't really know what.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.061 / 3lm6ps2lkpd2r
The *reality* is that Liana *observed* me do what I'm doing now, in multiple places to multiple people multiple times, and not only said nothing but encouraged it by laughing along at blog posts detailing other people's online presences and sharing Golden Girls memes along with her 'community.'
2025-04-07 00:37:15.062 / 3lm6ps2lkpe2r
My shenanigans and sharpness were *celebrated,* as evidenced when I entered her livestream chat one day ('cause I didn't watch it).
They *liked* what I was doing, as long as it was about the right "awful" people.
I was led to believe my behavior was accepted and didn't need to change.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.063 / 3lm6ps2llom2r
How can I change or improve any relations or behaviors if I don't know that they're a problem until it's too late? Seriously? I'm not to just 'magically' know. I don't somehow just 'know' how to be a 'good person,' given that ethics and morality are very debated topics.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.064 / 3lm6ps2llon2r
Yeah, I know I'm abrasive. Yeah, I know I'm an asshole in some people's (not everyone's) eyes.
I act very much in line with how *good* (not malicious) people around me acted when I was growing up. Where I come from this is fairly acceptable, even respected.
I've *always* acted like this.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.065 / 3lm6ps2lmnv2r
How can I be held responsible for something I was in the dark about?
2025-04-07 00:37:15.066 / 3lm6ps2lmnw2r
At some point, I was bothered by 'trolls' who noticed something I had written on my blog at that time. It'll be republished soon. They posted it on Kiwi Farms in Poppy's thread (I don't have one dedicated to me).
2025-04-07 00:37:15.067 / 3lm6ps2lmnx2r
I interacted with the specific 'trolls' spreading it on Twitter, not Kiwi Farms. I didn't even mention Kiwi Farms.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.068 / 3lm6ps2lmny2r
Liana Kerzner @redlianak.bsky.social, however, did mention Kiwi Farms and post things (including allegations of CSAM) she knew would bother them. She told me as much! I did not.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.069 / 3lm6ps2lnna2r
Kiwi Farms users in Poppy's thread (whom I never said anything to or posted at the time) agree that I did not provoke them; Liana did. @redlianak.bsky.social made things worse for both of us, in my opinion.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.070 / 3lm6ps2vg5a2r
I made one post to Kiwi Farms six months after this all started in defense of myself being impersonated. That's it.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.071 / 3lm6ps35toa2r
It's important to me to tell the underbelly of Internet society that I'm not someone trying to get them to act negatively towards me. Otherwise, I don't care about Kiwi Farms. I said as much in the post. I'm not going to stop them from posting whatever they want about me.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.072 / 3lm6ps35tob2r
They are inconsequential to me. I realize they are not for other people, but to me, they are. That does not mean I think it is appropriate for their attention to be directed to anyone. I have denounced the lame-brained users on Kiwi Farms as self-important and serving no societal purpose.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.073 / 3lm6ps35toc2r
Publicly, I had moved on.
Due to these accusations, however, I started doing some research and writing.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.074 / 3lm6ps35tod2r
I told @redlianak.bsky.social I had amassed a sizable pile of publicly available information on "Stalker-chan," "Trans Truth Teller," Giancarlo Vanzzini ( @hugonotderrick.bsky.social ), and even Liana herself that I was hoping to publish in various "exposĂŠs" eventually
2025-04-07 00:37:15.075 / 3lm6ps35toe2r
(siding with Liana, of course) in hopes of, maybe, squashing the controversy popping up around *me* (not her, I wasn't white knighting) at the time.
Though I respected her, we didn't have that kind of relationship in either of our minds (as far as I knew).
2025-04-07 00:37:15.076 / 3lm6ps3gaa42r
It was *never* about @redlianak.bsky.social or defending her. She could fight her own battles.
I told her this too, clearly and explicitly, as I'm sure you can imagine.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.077 / 3lm6ps3gaa52r
I shared with her a good chunk of information about Giancarlo Vanzzini, including *almost all* of the unpublished evidence of him being all these other alt accounts, such as Shaneequa on Kiwi Farms.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.078 / 3lm6ps3nfpv2r
I believe *she* used this information to oust Giancarlo from her safe, dignified, and inclusive community *after* he had already put me on Kiwi Farms' radar for no reason but to boost his relevance on the forum.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.079 / 3lm6ps3nfpw2r
She was very impressed by my research and composition abilities, particularly how I could put together the details convincingly while maintaining hard-hitting admonishments throughout.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.080 / 3lm6ps3nfpx2r
Now, according to her, the same activity is wacked out, highly disturbing, manic meanderings that act as a "buzzsaw of lunacy," tearing people down.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.081 / 3lm6ps3ngp72r
The only difference between before and now is that my attention is turned towards them. I don't do in-group or out-group, and in so many words, I also told Liana this from the beginning.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.082 / 3lm6ps3ngpa2r
And yet, that appears to be the expectation, and yet, despite my warning I wouldn't meet this expectation, all the aftermath is *my* responsibility.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.083 / 3lm6ps3ngpb2r
*They* made the mistake. *They* didn't believe me. @redlianak.bsky.social said as much herself in the video. But, as usual, their mistake is *my* moral failing to take on. I'm not taking on their mistake. I was honest, as always, and very consistent, as always. They weren't.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.084 / 3lm6ps3ngpc2r
Liana Kerzner told me I should do do Internet investigations and such for money through a Patreon or by taking on clients like an Internet pseudo-private detective without a license (hmmmm…), which I never pursued.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.085 / 3lm6ps3uhcs2r
Not once did she tell me *not* to write an exposĂŠ on "Stalker-chan" or Giancarlo Vanzzini (the one she defended against my "doxxing," which consisted of posting public profile URLs), or tell me I was harassing anyone and should stop, or express dissatisfaction or dismay at my profound disturbance.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.086 / 3lm6ps3uhct2r
How could she if she was expressing admiration for all of it? How could she when she was set to benefit from it?
But then I didn't write the exposĂŠs.
So she could express those things. And she did it quite publicly.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.087 / 3lm6ps3uhcu2r
All I ever noticed was a Tweet here, or there that was a bit mysterious and possibly about me in a vague way… so I ignored it because I *couldn't tell if it was about me.*
2025-04-07 00:37:15.088 / 3lm6ps3uhcv2r
I ended up *not* writing an exposĂŠ on either of them, cult-supporter-of-@ladydiabolique.bsky.social-style, before I had *briefly* turned my attention to something weird (to me) I saw Poppy say.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.089 / 3lm6ps3uhcw2r
I had never significantly interacted with @ladydiabolique.bsky.social before that moment. She was not my friend. She didn't turn on me. I did not defend her, and I didn't turn on her. I was really @redlianak.bsky.social's friend, and Poppy was an acquaintance.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.090 / 3lm6ps3uic62r
A question popped into my head, which intrigued me greatly, as I already anticipated its implications. But when I asked Poppy the question, all I got was deflections, dodges, and even accusations of "projecting," but not what I was projecting.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.091 / 3lm6ps4763o2r
And, you know me, my consistent behavior is to point that shit out in grave detail. Which I did.
This is not everyone's cup of tea. It wasn't @ladydiabolique.bsky.social's, which was fine.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.092 / 3lm6ps4772w2r
Poppy expressed a dislike for the conversation and disengaged, but she seemed to make sure she pinned a note: I was gish galloping.
Being serious about rhetoric and debate, I refuted that, saying I was not doing that and such.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.093 / 3lm6ps4ggj62r
I did not expect her to return to the conversation, as she said she was uncomfortable with it.
I wasn't trying to call her back, and I didn't care if she returned. I cared about someone telling me I was gish galloping.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.094 / 3lm6ps4ghig2r
But despite all the expressed discomfort and the implicit boundary, Poppy did come back rather than block me, admonishing me for continuing the conversation that she didn't have to pay any attention to. This told me a lot.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.095 / 3lm6ps4ghih2r
I also rebuked the imposed unearned guilt and chastisement, and stated I wouldn't take that on. The enforcement of her boundary for herself was her responsibility, not mine.
I don't think she appreciated this little bit of self-responsibility. I get the impression she didn't like me saying no.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.096 / 3lm6ps4ghii2r
She blasted my *alleged* symptoms she *thought* I must be experiencing in an obvious effort, by how unnecessary it was, to delegitimize me.
It's also obvious because I was not experiencing those symptoms.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.097 / 3lm6ps4ghij2r
I *did* get highly emotional at that encounter, but I hadn't "split" on anybody, not even Poppy. I was just angry at her for blasting my *alleged* symptoms that she had no idea about and was wrong to her followers to delegitimize me in her encounter (like Audrey and Saige did again six months later)
2025-04-07 00:37:15.098 / 3lm6ps4gihr2r
I was not experiencing those symptoms, but I was angrier than I had been for a long time. I *went to another room for an hour and a half to calm down* I was that angry.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.099 / 3lm6ps4gihs2r
Before I retired to the other room, I said one phrase in particular to Liana: "The trolls were right." She took massive issue with it in a way I found odd, but validated when I returned.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.100 / 3lm6ps4giht2r
Because of my detractors, I must do something I find very distasteful and uncomfortable: explain why I was angry.
They have claimed a number of things, ascribing them to me with a fair deal of fake authority despite their revulsion at others doing the same to @redlianak.bsky.social.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.101 / 3lm6ps4gihu2r
I was angry *at myself* for putting myself in that kind of position so freely. I tried to appeal to @ladydiabolique.bsky.social's shared condition of Borderline, even using what appeared to be her preferred language, and that was a big mistake on my part.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.102 / 3lm6ps4q6242r
I was angry *at myself* for letting it get to me and for allowing Poppy to escalate it as quickly and as effectively as she did. I was angry that I had not done better to protect myself and let myself get carried away, not for Poppy's sake, just for my own.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.103 / 3lm6ps4ypi42r
Someone using my condition *against* me so effectively is usually because I opened myself up to the 'attack.' And I had, and I was angry *at myself* about that.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.104 / 3lm6ps4ypi52r
@ladydiabolique.bsky.social used mental health stigma to transform me into an out-of-control aggressor (she was my victim, whether the claims that for herself or not, she acted like one) that either should be ignored, or that I didn't mean what I was saying.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.105 / 3lm6ps4ypi62r
It's an implication that I would feel differently later, perhaps. I haven't because I wasn't "splitting."
2025-04-07 00:37:15.106 / 3lm6ps57m6o2r
What I was *not* angry about was @ladydiabolique.bsky.social's "disengagement." I was *not* angry over her inconsistencies or rhetorical manipulations. I was *not* angry about her trying to foist the responsibility of her "boundary" onto me
2025-04-07 00:37:15.107 / 3lm6ps57m6p2r
or the apparent use of it to shame me as an aggressor, which I didn't take on for myself. People do that to me all the time. It's no big deal. But I do point it out, and I don't accept it.
This seems to make people understandably upset, but why should I have empathy for that?
2025-04-07 00:37:15.108 / 3lm6ps5gnrh2r
I'm *not* angry about @ladydiabolique.bsky.social blocking me. I'm not pining for her attention. Likewise, I'm *not* angry over @redlianak.bsky.social 'dropping' me as, what I thought, a close friend, nor is my husband @merrystarchild.bsky.social.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.109 / 3lm6ps5goqp2r
My actions *are not* driven by the "ugly fight" where I "showed no empathy" (according to Liana). And I'm not pining for her attention or for her to talk to me either. I'm not even hoping for an apology because I can't control that.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.110 / 3lm6ps5qn472r
It'd be nice, but that's not my goal in relating any of this to everyone.
My husband and I are deeply upset about @redlianak.bsky.social's extremely unfair, inaccurate, and plain false portrayal of events leading up to her decision to cancel Song of Sparklemuffin.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.111 / 3lm6ps5qo3h2r
I've outlined each of these points in various places over the last six months.
The biggest ones are:
I did not refuse "to comply" with anything.
My mental health has not been deteriorating; it's been getting better.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.112 / 3lm6ps5x63p2r
I do not knowingly contribute to dangerous situations. I didn't know there was a dangerous situation, as whatever was going on had been occurring for quite a while, and people appeared to be handling it fine. That's life. I was somewhat, just a tiny bit, in the same boat.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.113 / 3lm6ps5x63q2r
I can't be held responsible for other people's self-harm just because I dare to speak my mind or have a conversation with them. I never aim to hurt people significantly for entertainment.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.114 / 3lm6ps5x72y2r
My behavior and struggles did not significantly contribute to the project's delays, @merrystarchild.bsky.social's employment status did and he told @redlianak.bsky.social that.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.115 / 3lm6ps5x72z2r
According to my doctors, therapists, and others, I do not lack unacceptable impulse control in any current setting. They've reviewed this situation.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.116 / 3lm6ps66dlj2r
Outside of a rare pathological response, everything I do is deliberateâmaybe not well thought out, but deliberate. I have no regrets about anything, which is the primary sign of impulse-control issues.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.117 / 3lm6ps66dlk2r
I'm not profoundly mentally ill to the point of dysfunction or posing a danger, according to every professional and doctor in the mental health field I've talked to recently. I've told and shown them everything. That's their professional licensed opinion.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.118 / 3lm6ps66dll2r
The "transphobia" is a subjective accusation. I'm sorry anyone felt that I was transphobic and that it scared anyone. That was never my intent, and it's never been a sticking point for me about anyone.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.119 / 3lm6ps66dlm2r
I'm not going to argue that it wasn't transphobic at this point, but I'm going to point out it did go from a focus one of mental health stigma to one of transphobia.
I'm not transphobic.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.120 / 3lm6ps66dln2r
As one of @ladydiabolique.bsky.social's self-professed victims has described it, it was just a "Twitter beef," and insignificant.
This is all because of that "Twitter beef."
2025-04-07 00:37:15.121 / 3lm6ps66ekv2r
She confronted someone asking a very dangerous question (apparently) and it didn't go well, ending up in her acting inappropriately towards my condition as someone with a Master's in #Counseling and a licensed therapist (though not acting as one or mine).
2025-04-07 00:37:15.122 / 3lm6ps6jlwv2r
*THAT'S* what all of this is predicated on. That's what all of this traces back to. Right up to that day, Liana had never voiced any of her concerns or dissatisfaction with me. We were good.
It's frankly ridiculous, but not because of me.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.123 / 3lm6ps6jmw52r
Just a week earlier, I had told my husband how I felt about @redlianak.bsky.social being on the same page as us.
This came out of *nowhere* in my eyes. I never anticipated this. When I returned from being angry, I thought we would blip right on like nothing had happened.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.124 / 3lm6ps6jmw62r
I'd already moved on. This was just another Tuesday to me.
After I returned from the other room after an hour-and-a-half and started talking to Liana again, I explained my more rational and honest feelings about the whole thing.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.125 / 3lm6ps6yfl62r
It consisted of: "Oh well, I'm *glad* that happened. Her blasting me as splitting really bothers me, though." I was already *moving on.*
2025-04-07 00:37:15.126 / 3lm6ps6yfl72r
It immediately turned into her telling me I wasn't delegitimized because of my behavior, which was a massive betrayal to my Borderline-addled psyche for someone who had supported me and encouraged me for the last 5 years.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.127 / 3lm6ps6yfla2r
Not only was this terribly inconsistent, but why was Poppy suddenly so fucking more important than me? She was clearly important, because, in my mind, why risk this inconsistency? She was so important that I could immediately foretell a possible demand for an apology to Poppy looming on the horizon.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.128 / 3lm6ps6yflb2r
*That's* when I split *on Liana Kerzner, not Poppy*, blocked her, deleted fucking everything I'd had up online *for years,* and *left the Internet* for 2.5 weeks so *I could avoid doing something I'd regret.*
2025-04-07 00:37:15.129 / 3lm6ps6yflc2r
After two and a half weeks, I returned and apologized to Liana with great sincerity. To fulfill my role as the "king of understatement," I'll say that it didn't go well.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.130 / 3lm6ps6ygkk2r
She was in a "trauma response" that I could easily observe from a trigger the likes of which I had been previously unaware. I felt so bad and was scared at behavior that I could *see* my actions, precisely my *absence,* which I pushed Liana towards.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.131 / 3lm6ps6ygkl2r
*My* trauma response that I had told Liana about before *on the radio* in her interview of me had pushed *her* into a trauma response. I found this difficult to reconcile at the time, but I did it because I didn't want to see anyone suffer needlessly.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.132 / 3lm6ps6ygkm2r
I had never seen such heights of irrationality from a close friend before or anticipated them. I made *a lot* of room for Liana, considering how I usually deal with things.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.133 / 3lm6ps6ygkn2r
I sincerely apologized to Liana for my absence (*my trauma response*) and explained why it happened. I said I didn't want it to happen again, and this has taught me how I need to improve.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.134 / 3lm6ps6yhjv2r
I just didn't call it a "trauma response" like Liana likes to do. I don't. I also said that what I had written in pure anger (those snippets I talked about) was inappropriate and wrong.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.135 / 3lm6ps6yhjw2r
But as the conversation continued, that space started getting smaller and smaller. I was baffled but apologized *again.* This is an emormonous rarity on my end.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.136 / 3lm6ps6yhjx2r
Her reply, which was longer than *anything I had sent over the last 3 days,* was so sterile, arrogant, and disconnected from who I was that it was disrespectful to my very existence.
Empathy and inclusion indeed.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.137 / 3lm6ps6yhjy2r
The space was gone. I was finally fed up, and done. I wrote, "Thank you for the kind words," which, in my neck of the woods, and after 5 years of "knowing" me (though she never actually understood what I said) and apparently the truth about me deep down,
2025-04-07 00:37:15.138 / 3lm6ps6yhjz2r
she failed to realize that was a big fuck-you dismissal and immediate distancing.
I was *still* open to making space again, though. We *were* friends after all.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.139 / 3lm6ps6yhk22r
She had gotten everything about me wrong and continues to do so today.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.140 / 3lm6ps6yhk32r
But she continued on, insisting that it wasn't "kind" it was totally "true," and that she hadn't been "cruel" only "seemed cruel" because she's a, or was a, "broken person." Didn't she tell people she had healed and dealt with her CPTSD in intense therapy? Uh, okay.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.141 / 3lm6ps6yhk42r
When I started to push back with some of my signature turnaround sarcasm finally and said I didn't completely agree with everything I had reflected back to her (to show I was listening) or what she said in response (it was everything she wanted to hear), she immediately:
2025-04-07 00:37:15.142 / 3lm6ps6yije2r
– demanded I delete everything she ever said to me or in public, and all other public data I gathered, from my computer
– never use a single thing she ever shared with me in a public "vendetta" (her word)
2025-04-07 00:37:15.143 / 3lm6ps6yijf2r
My husband messaged her, in so many (non-invective) words but not exactly, "WTF?" and she bristled. She stated that the way we were talking was impossible.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.144 / 3lm6ps6yijg2r
She "didn't consent" to any of "this," and she *could not* talk to me because it wasn't private enough, @merrystarchild.bsky.social was also looking at the screen. She required *privacy* to talk directly *to me.* It had never been a problem before.
That was a weird thing to say in my opinion.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.145 / 3lm6ps6yijh2r
Alarms were sounding in my head at this point, but I pressed forward.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.146 / 3lm6ps77yqx2r
I did not comply with *these* because I saw them not as the "boundaries" she was calling them, but insane demands and intrusions into my private space. She was telling me to burn my journal because I wrote about her.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.147 / 3lm6ps77yqy2r
I did offer to comply with her other requests. I had started to share a concrete plan, but her response was, "blah blah blah," so I stopped.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.148 / 3lm6ps77yqz2r
My response to these broadly overstepping demands, "Why would I do that?" (both the seemingly inevitable vendetta, and the deletions) because that *hadn't even crossed my mind* because, to me, we were still good friends who were having an argument.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.149 / 3lm6ps77yr22r
The conversation devolved. I was fed up. I got sarcastic. I sarcastically mocked *her treatment of me* earlier in the "ugly fight."
I said, "Yes. Do you want a reward?"
I was referencing a point of contention *she* had inflicted upon me earlier.
Now she quotes it as *me* having no empathy.
?
2025-04-07 00:37:15.150 / 3lm6ps77yr32r
That's when the cancellation video was posted a couple days later, unbeknownst to either me or my husband, until people started messaging him telling us that Liana Kerzner was essentially "bad-mouthing" me and throwing me completely under the bus for the cancellation and if *any of it was true.*
2025-04-07 00:37:15.151 / 3lm6ps77zqd2r
I didn't throw myself into the spotlight, desperate for the attention of trolls who are inconsequential to me, yelling, "It was me! It was me!" as *she then claimed.* Her new friends appear to do this, but not me.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.152 / 3lm6ps77zqe2r
It's very simple. So incredibly simple.
If she had never highlighted me, my alleged struggles, or my relationship with my husband that was blamed for delaying the project, I'd *literally have nothing to write about.*
And I wouldn't.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.153 / 3lm6ps77zqf2r
I didn't really do any of the things she *originally* claimed and she *never* gave me any chance to actually address or show I cared about what she said. I was too "dangerous."
2025-04-07 00:37:15.154 / 3lm6ps77zqg2r
Her big fear she expressed to my husband was that I'd "write an exposĂŠ on her" because my "BPD would tell me to do it"
2025-04-07 00:37:15.155 / 3lm6ps77zqh2r
I never ever said my BPD talked to me even when I was anthropomorphizing it like @ladydiabolique.bsky.social was apt to do in Retweets and such on her timeline, and I believe I had talked to her about that. She knows that's not how I've ever spoken before or since.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.156 / 3lm6ps77zqi2r
They've since chastised me for putting it that way, but only after Kiwi Farms made fun of it and made it a quote.
@ladydiabolique.bsky.social is a licensed therapist. @redlianak.bsky.social is a professional peer counselor that hosts a radio show.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.157 / 3lm6ps7hc5y2r
She repeatedly voiced concern to @merrystarchild.bsky.social, my husband, while I was recovering. And he told me that. I thought, "Why would I ever do that?" I told him to tell her that, I wasn't ready yet.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.158 / 3lm6ps7nyyy2r
Liana Kerzner @redlianak.bsky.social of nottherapyshow.com, a self-appointed Professional Peer Counselor who hawks her services on Canadian radio and on YouTube to vulnerable individuals in various subcultures, has given me *every reason to do so* since.
2025-04-07 00:37:15.159 / 3lm6ps7u4cy2r
*I told him to tell her that I had no intention of "siding with the stalkers," or "writing an exposĂŠ" on her, or engaging in a vendetta, *AND* that I wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet.
After my first apology, I told her the same thing right out of the gate, and she dismissed it, quite frankly.
2025-04-07 18:26:50.566 / 3lmalkn4gfk2d
Ah. That person.
That person decided to declare, publicly, that their trauma response was license to act so aggressively angry at my sincere apology that all I got was invectives, belittlement, taunts, and vitriol. I apologized again, because it was ignored the first time,
2025-04-08 07:32:31.942 / 3lmbxhkn2fk24
in a way that validated her brilliance, and I received a cold, generic, disconnected thank you headed more towards imposing her vision of recovery onto me than about what I said.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.943 / 3lmbxhkt7o224
When I was finally fed up with that and starting setting boundaries I was accused of wanting to go on a vendetta against her, told to delete everything, and then lied about on YouTube. When I protested, I was depicted as lacking any empathy and even being deliberately cruel.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.944 / 3lmbxhktcls24
As if declaring, twice, that what I considered the best quality I inherited from my father was the source of his suicide wasnât cruel.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.945 / 3lmbxhktekc24
This was yet another friend who âfinally saw the true meâ according to the haters, but in reality she was someone whose constant and passive-aggressive victimhood was accommodated by me for YEARS.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.946 / 3lmbxhktfjk24
I caught on early, but her friendship with my husband seemed so beneficial and made him so happy I overlooked this seemingly innocuous maladaptive behavior. Unfortunately, I fell into the loathsome trap of not noticing how harmful it was until she was allegedly my victim,
2025-04-08 07:32:31.947 / 3lmbxhkthi224
leveraging the convenient stereotype that profoundly mentally ill people are just miserable and dangerous creatures who refuse to get better âcause they like being assholes and hurt people for fun.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.948 / 3lmbxhktjgk24
I didnât emotionally inconvenience myself enough to see what her behavior was doing to other people and I regret this shortcoming.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.949 / 3lmbxhktkfs24
Now that Iâm aware, am I supposed to walk away and enable that by not warning anyone about it? Essentially silently condone it by once again being more concerned with my convenience? No way. Not again.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.950 / 3lmbxhktmec24
The latest hate videos against me stem from me taking a trans womanâs ideas seriously enough to point out where she was going wrong. This person decided that a current victim of Kiwi Farms and other trolls, me, describing the manipulations in detail with evidence was transphobic.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.951 / 3lmbxhktndk24
I also have the same exact mental health condition as the trans woman, Borderline Personality Disorder, stigmatized by the idea that people with it are dangerous, unpredictable, and anti-social.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.952 / 3lmbxhktpc224
Hereâs why I stand by my judgment:
1. When someone is being harassed by Kiwi Farms, and other trolls, theyâre going to make mistakes. Adding to the ostracism, ridicule, and stigma with public shaming is cruel, especially since Kiwi Farmers are pretty
2025-04-08 07:32:31.953 / 3lmbxhktqbc24
unforgiving of furries they imagine are pedophiles because they fursuit in public.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.954 / 3lmbxhkts7s24
2. The exchange was clearly between someone proud of their Masterâs in #Counseling and therapy license and an already socially struggling high school graduate. The therapist with a Masterâs publicly shamed the struggling individual by informally accusing them of anti-social symptoms
2025-04-08 07:32:31.955 / 3lmbxhktt7224
in hopes that they would crash out and stop. They had to have anticipated this, otherwise, what have they really studied?
2025-04-08 07:32:31.956 / 3lmbxhktv5k24
3. Dangerous, unpredictable, impulsive, and anti-social all play into the Borderline stereotype that weâre all just sociopaths that actively abuse people to get what we want. That any acceptance of us requires overlooking this behavior or risk being victimized.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.957 / 3lmbxhktw4s24
3. Dangerous, unpredictable, impulsive, and anti-social all play into the Borderline stereotype that weâre all just sociopaths that actively abuse people to get what we want. That any acceptance of us requires overlooking this behavior or risk being victimized.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.958 / 3lmbxhktx4224
They are descriptors used by normative individuals to excuse shunning us, ostracizing us, and locking us away as almost subhuman, or worse, using us for their own gain and dirty work.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.959 / 3lmbxhktz2k24
Does this mean Borderline people are never dangerous, unpredictable, impulsive, or anti-social? No. But, symptoms arenât character. You can act like an asshole because youâre stressed and symptomatic, but that doesnât mean you automatically are an asshole.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.960 / 3lmbxhktzzs24
There are many factors to consider when it comes to mental illness because itâs complicated and requires nuance.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.961 / 3lmbxhku2z224
Saying a particular behaviour is assholery is not saying that the entire person is defined by being an asshole. The person who makes this claim doesn't know me well enough to judge my character that way.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.962 / 3lmbxhku3yc24
I never felt she truly understood anything I told her about myself, a feeling reinforced by the mess that would be reflected back. If you think a relative stranger, which I was to the trans woman, is an asshole just block and move on.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.963 / 3lmbxhku5ws24
Announcing that you think an asshole is an asshole does nothing. A truly asshole person is not going to agree or care. More likely, it is said to hurt and shame someone who has already gone through a lot.
That's cruel.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.964 / 3lmbxhku6w224
4. Lacking any consideration for a Borderline person because of perceived mistakes or moral failures, essentially depedestaling them as they might others, only aids the forces that want to institutionalize them.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.965 / 3lmbxhku7vc24
It is not enough to condemn those who want to trample on the rights of the diagnosed. We have to be vigilant to not add to it ourselves.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.966 / 3lmbxhkuauk24
5. This person was so abusive in the conversation I tried to have with them after my initial apology that, when I asked for clarification in what she wanted from me she snapped back that she wasnât going to fulfill the emotional reward I was trying to manipulate her into.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.967 / 3lmbxhkubts24
When I told her I didnât intend for that, she summarily told me she wasnât talking about my intentions, simply the goals of my behavior. I couldnât understand how a goal isnât an intention and she shut it down by telling me I wasnât the only person that existed.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.968 / 3lmbxhkuct224
I needed to pull my head out of my ass, so that I donât end up like my father, and listen to my friends when they say goals arenât intentions.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.969 / 3lmbxhkudsc24
I needed to make space for them to dissect my lifelong psychological problems by telling me Iâm not connected to my overwhelming emotions because my father taught me to be terrified of them, even if not a single part of that resonated with me. It just is and valid!
2025-04-08 07:32:31.970 / 3lmbxhkuerk24
There was no understanding, no consideration, no middle ground, no interest in what I thought, only zero empathy and an aggressive need for total control. I was to not be considered, comfortable, or respected, just contained.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.971 / 3lmbxhkufqs24
To be clear, Iâve only denied the allegations that I am deteriorating mentally, love misery, hurt people recklessly for my own gratification, am proudly mentally ill, anti-social, and most importantly
2025-04-08 07:32:31.972 / 3lmbxhkugq224
that all of this made her expensive game project untenable for her and everyone else, because she has responded so poorly.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.973 / 3lmbxhkuhpc24
I thought her doubling-down might ease up and I could avoid the dysphoric collapse of revealing more about the actual private conversation per her demand (a âboundaryâ) as a generosity because I do care about her.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.974 / 3lmbxhkuiok24
But her mostly vague mentions, and lack of direct, authentic, and non-deflecting response have shown that is not the case. She wants to double-down on every denial I make regardless. So I feel that I must back up my denials with more factual information in hopes for
2025-04-08 07:32:31.975 / 3lmbxhkujns24
a measured and reasonable response, maybe even an actual apology sheâs given much advice on.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.976 / 3lmbxhkukn224
I have felt that her sideways comments and personal murmurings I only hear second-hand or that exist behind paywalls are extremely stigmatizing for mental health, particularly my condition, and an incredibly one-sided ostracism.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.977 / 3lmbxhkulmc24
My husband certainly feels itâs an almost cartoonish overkill to my objections that only increases the incendiary nature of the situation.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.978 / 3lmbxhkumlk24
Everyone we know definitely thinks that itâs very unfair and stigmatizing regarding the complex, consistent, intentional, and well meaning person theyâve always known.
And that matters.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.979 / 3lmbxhkumll24
We all make mistakes. There was a path forward, but her and her friends have decided to continue disparaging me with motivated and highly biased misrepresentations of both the events and the intentions they ascribe to me.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.980 / 3lmbxhkunkt24
They continually try to throw responsibilities onto me I never had just to see what might stick. They adamantly refuse to address what I say with any authenticity, only offering deflection.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.981 / 3lmbxhkuok324
Not one has genuinely offered me that which they fault me for not giving them, regardless of their actions, as a show of good faith.
What good faith?
2025-04-08 07:32:31.982 / 3lmbxhkupjd24
They are accusing me of things that arenât true, such as blaming me for random truly anonymous harassing messages they wonât provide. I never sent them, but it definitely fits a stigmatizing, even dangerous, narrative.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.983 / 3lmbxhkuqil24
When you attack someone who is trying to point out where you went wrong in a public statement, you're signaling to the mental health community, those that struggle every day, that you care more about your emotional comfort than their safety.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.984 / 3lmbxhkurht24
If there was no mental health stigma intended, that should matter.
I've been accused of stigma and bigotry myself.
Some of it was from terrible unquestioned attitudes I was immersed in at the time. Some were misunderstandings that no one allowed me to clarify.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.985 / 3lmbxhkurhu24
And some, particularly recent ones, are just situations and interactions engineered to fabricate a semblance of it by asserting the argument someone made up is actually the one I was making via vagueness.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.986 / 3lmbxhkush424
l've even got someone or some people impersonating me in an attempt to make me look like an unhinged self-absorbed misogynistic middle-aged white dude with no boundaries. Do I engage in character assassination? No.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.987 / 3lmbxhkutge24
Even if I am wrong, and I don't believe that I am, I am wrong with good intentions. You don't nuke a person from orbit because they're overzealous regarding ideas and rhetoric.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.988 / 3lmbxhkuufm24
Iâve responded in kind by telling everyone my side of the story, even after veiled death treats and p potential legal actions against me, I feel so strongly.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.989 / 3lmbxhkuufn24
I don't expect perfection from people. I do expect people to care about the impacts of their behavior on vulnerable communities. I have been willing to sacrifice in very real terms to live in accordance with that.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.990 / 3lmbxhkuvev24
It's hard for queer and neurodivergent people right now, so l'm willing to do things that are hard too. So am I hurting from all the lying about me right now? Yes. Very much. I'm stressed out, and it's affecting my health.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.991 / 3lmbxhkuwe524
But it's still not as bad as the realities facing the queer and neurodivergent individuals being stomped on by society and preyed upon by inconsistent mental health influencers, and l'd like the focus to be on that, please. Not my perceived personal failings.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.992 / 3lmbxhkvb3v24
Any mistakes I have made, I have made with the best of intentions, including towards the person whoâs decided to not take any direct accountability for continuing to blacken my reputation and further stigmatize me socially because Iâm telling others what she did.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.993 / 3lmbxhkvc3524
I have always cared about her as a person, so much so I didnât think I needed to say it in all of this, but apparently I do to make sure people know. I continue to respect her enough to tell her she is doing things that are wrong and hurtful.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.994 / 3lmbxhkvd2f24
She made choices, including accusing me of a lot of factual things I never objectively did.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.995 / 3lmbxhkvd2g24
Curbing deeply personal public accusations is a small price to pay so that everyone can live in safety and dignity. This isn't speech policing. This is realizing when a claim is emotional, not fact driven. Internalized prejudice is a hell of a drug. Personal responsibility is a thing.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.996 / 3lmbxhkvdzo24
I'm going to continue to do my best to defend against these lies – I do believe some of them are deliberate falsehoods, like the claim Iâm anti-social and dangerous, or that I lash out at people due to an unacceptable lack of impulse control.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.997 / 3lmbxhkveyw24
They know, deep down, after five years of very consistent behavior, these things aren't true. But if I fail, I fail fighting for what's right. I can live with that.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.998 / 3lmbxhkveyx24
Every one of us has been taught some manipulative behaviors. It's very important for us to see them for what they are and stop doing them, even if it means being traumatically embarrassed. Better to show up vulnerable and authentic than to be guarding your feelings and needling others with vagaries.
2025-04-08 07:32:31.999 / 3lmbxhkvfy724
You will never feel accepted as long as you are dishonest.
2025-04-08 07:32:32.000 / 3lmbxhkvgxh24
ATProto root record: 3lm6ps2lduk2r