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I have a few thoughts about Borderline Personality Disorder that I think are pretty serious. I can only speak for myself as someone who has dealt with Borderline Personality Disorder my entire adult life.
2024-10-20 03:54:33.928 / 3l6w3zc7hwl23
Here is my background and experiences: I grew up in a small semi-rural tourist town in the mountains on my familyās āranchā that was right outside of town. This was not my parentās primary vocation, but a desire to homestead as a lifestyle. I graduated from a 3A high school. I am LGBTQ+ and had …
2024-10-20 03:56:08.266 / 3l6w4446cqd2k
a few struggles growing up with the complications of that. I was one of two gay kids I knew; the other was a lesbian and not in my class. I had supportive friends, though. I was diagnosed at 18, and I am now 41. Thatās 23 years, and now 17 involuntary in-patient hospitalizations (most a 72-day …
2024-10-20 03:57:11.199 / 3l6w45y6sy62s
hold, one a 90 day certification) with one this year. Over those 23 years, my mental health āshiftedā under various things I needed to deal with as I grew further into a fully realized person (no oneās ever done). Iāve been diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder …
2024-10-20 03:59:16.639 / 3l6w4bpsvlq2p
Anxiety Disorder NOS, Atypical Psychosis, Bipolar Type II, Body Dysmorphic Disorder or Dysmorphophobia, Borderline Personality Disorder (that can āborderā other Cluster B Personality Disorders including Narcissistic, Histrionic, and Anti-Social), Mood Disorder NOS, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder …
2024-10-20 03:59:56.586 / 3l6w4cvw6dr2u
Treatment-Resistant Chronic Major Depression and even Zoanthropic Delusions. Iāve been all across the board, but Borderline remains consistent in most psychiatristās minds. I have taken a swath of medications over the years, including Lithium, Prozac, Effexor, Depakote, Risperdal, Lamictal …
2024-10-20 04:00:38.002 / 3l6w4e5fybu23
Zyprexa, Ativan, Mirtazapine, Seroquel, Trazadone, and more I canāt remember. Iāve overdosed multiple times. I finally did electro-convulsive therapy and am finishing that up, and for the moods, itās worked wonders.
Iāve met a lot of interesting people. Iāve been in many interesting situations. …
2024-10-20 04:02:04.295 / 3l6w4gpqklh2c
situations. Iāve done, seen, or know of things many people only imagine or fantasize about. Iāve been a difficult case at times. Iāve worked with a lot of medical professionals and psychiatrists of all different kinds over the years, some leaving a lasting mark for better or worse. …
2024-10-20 04:02:54.576 / 3l6w4i7p2k626
I am highly intelligent, socially aware, adaptable, unique, intense, and piercing. Being on the other end of me can be daunting. At times, this has made it quite tricky for those treating me. To my knowledge, at least two therapists have āgiven up,ā kind of. I know the system. One institution …
2024-10-20 04:04:27.776 / 3l6w4kylerl23
I was in placed me in the chronically mentally ill ward and almost forgot me, and later, they were shut down due to allegations of misconduct. Having been stripped of my rights, I wasnāt surprised at all. People have much more power over individuals in long-term situations than many realize. …
2024-10-20 04:05:29.066 / 3l6w4mszm6k2s
I am a high-level, self-taught programmer who has worked professionally despite not having accreditation, but I was fired twice from the same job. Even when I could set my own hours, I didnāt show up on time.
I am considered legally disabled by the government. I do not currently collect any …
2024-10-20 04:07:39.585 / 3l6w4qpisyb2e
currently collect any benefits. My goal is always not to require benefits. My goal is always to avoid being hospitalized or in the dreaded handcuffs. I have been handcuffed to hospital beds, hogtied by the police, put in āchainsā and transported long distances, etc. Thereās nothing quite like …
2024-10-20 04:10:04.808 / 3l6w4uzymo52c
walking into the hospital, decked out in cuffs and chains, and paraded in front of a bunch of random people in the waiting room or going to the bathroom at a gas station. I am deeply aware of what itās like to barely have any rights and be looked down upon by everyone without ever …
2024-10-20 04:10:59.932 / 3l6w4wokvzw26
committing a crime and left somewhere to be forgotten by society.
I am very familiar with being forcefully relegated by others into a role because I said the wrong thing at the wrong time, or pissed off the wrong person, or did something strange, and suddenly Iām someone to be feared because …
2024-10-20 04:13:15.014 / 3l6w52pf7c72b
Iāll maliciously hurt you in some bizarre rage. As time goes on, the dangers of this as a vulnerable person, to whom anyone can point and say, āHeās been delusional in the past!ā seem to be growing.
Iāve worked successfully for a year as a technology paraprofessional at the elementary …
2024-10-20 04:14:57.172 / 3l6w55qszjg2f
school I attended. I absolutely loved and adored working with hundreds of young children from K-4 to learn about computers and navigate school life as a responsible adult. Unfortunately, I didnāt technically live in my hometown, and the strain was getting too much, so I had to stop and fully …
2024-10-20 04:15:45.151 / 3l6w576ldhl2k
locate myself where I am now. My last job was holding a sign on the corner wearing a dog costume. It was great.
I have been with my husband for 20 years, almost my entire adult life, and weāre married. The relationship is pretty stable for someone with Borderline because I made sure to …
2024-10-20 04:17:40.144 / 3l6w5cmafit2k
make it that way. Outside of my mother and husband, I have very few friends, sometimes none. So when I do have a friend I can talk to, it means a lot to me. Many people I know, even friends from my childhood, like me, but weāre not really friends as adults. I value candid, reality-bound …
2024-10-20 04:19:52.831 / 3l6w5gkrsqo2s
communication no matter the result, as my family has always engaged in that. When that isnāt practiced or doesnāt happen, it always ends in heartbreak, and itās tough for me. I am very reticent to share my raw, overwhelming emotions, which I feel without fear, to the point that …
2024-10-20 04:22:06.486 / 3l6w5kkboy42y
sometimes, people think Iām not feeling them at all. I'm not surprised at this. I know what they mean. I never saw my parents hug. I saw them kiss once, and one said āI love youā to the other twice in forty years of marriage. My father was very 'guarded.' Until the last two years of their …
2024-10-20 04:23:09.014 / 3l6w5mfvm6d23
marriage, my mother had no idea he was fluent in German. Imagine her shock when one day he turned to someone and conversed in perfect accent-free German.
It took me fifteen years to comfortably say āI love you tooā to my husband. But the feelings are always there. Always.
I view Borderline as …
2024-10-20 04:25:30.075 / 3l6w5qmgnef2q
a condition, or a label, defined by others to be applied to me. I certainly would've never invented it myself. I donāt think of myself as someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder, per se, but rather as someone prone to pathological patterns of thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. …
2024-10-20 04:25:57.369 / 3l6w5rghjyc2s
It was made very clear to me at the start of my adult journey that I was the only one responsible for myself and my condition. No one else was responsible by default, though they could decide to be, for keeping me alive and ensuring I succeeded. I was allowed to fail, to various degrees, a lot. …
2024-10-20 04:26:11.195 / 3l6w5rtnb2v2u
Over the last 23 years, I have learned what I need to do, for the most part, so that I donāt end up in hyper-aroused, flailing, irrational states and engage in bizarre, nonsensical, and dangerous escapades. This is because Iām responsible for what I do in those states since I couldāve done …
2024-10-20 04:27:09.891 / 3l6w5tlmqbu2r
things not to end up there since Iām obviously not there all the time. I am deeply committed to self-responsibility, managing my symptoms and disorder, and developing a positive, meaningful, and productive life. That means not ending up in the hospital, in cuffs, or throwing my …
2024-10-20 04:27:59.125 / 3l6w5v2l6f32k
disorder around in peopleās faces or in situations to let me off the hook or for sympathy, and definitely not spreading any mental health stigma that will further damage my place in the world. …
2024-10-20 04:28:12.585 / 3l6w5vhfyn32f
I hope this helps anyone who wonders what Iām bringing to the table when I talk about Borderline Personality Disorder.
2024-10-20 04:28:20.015 / 3l6w5voioxo2s
The idea that a fully grown adult with Borderline Personality Disorder alone, barring other complications, can lose the ability to make conscious choices to the point that they are unable to consent to anything is quite disturbing and, in my opinion, dangerous. The thing about consent here is …
2024-10-20 04:30:09.944 / 3l6w5yxdlhj2c
that, understanding of the world being equal, if you canāt consent to one thing, you canāt consent to anything really because youāre not in your right mind. Proposing that someone with Borderline can be āpushedā or āinfluencedā into a state that renders them essentially helpless is very …
2024-10-20 04:30:36.885 / 3l6w5zqzq662p
frightening to me as it sets up a framework that strengthens the ability of others (such as psychiatrists), by their judgment, to strip you of your rights and ātake careā of you.
But what if consent isnāt that black and white? What if itās a matter of informed consent, as in, you can consent …
2024-10-20 04:31:24.672 / 3l6w636lwp72k
to simple trivial things, but you canāt āfullyā consent to significant actions involving anything with a power dynamic?
The best example for an individual with Borderline would be the position they find themselves in when someone is leaving the relationship or doing something that …
2024-10-20 04:32:39.148 / 3l6w65fmwgw2s
doesnāt align with their desires or needs. People with severe Borderline symptoms tend to get so desperate and emotionally overwhelmed that they will do anything and everything they can to prevent that from happening, from groveling and prostituting themselves to even murder. Isnāt that clearly …
2024-10-20 04:32:57.145 / 3l6w65wsbhx2c
a state where someone canāt consent because they are existentially dependent on someone elseās actions? The other person has all the power in the relationship and, presumably, can āmakeā the sufferer do anything they want. …
2024-10-20 04:35:02.033 / 3l6w6bnvcpr2c
Would that also mean if a murder was committed, the other person would then be culpable in some way for it?
Surely that happens, then, doesn't it?
As I wrote, if they canāt truly consent to the actions requested or engaged in by the other person, then they are in a state where they need …
2024-10-20 04:36:38.815 / 3l6w6ek756l23
immediate treatment, guardianship, and hospitalization. After two decades of observing myself and others, I am of the opinion that these are generally rare and extreme situations and very obvious to those around them, no matter who they are, but most importantly to their loved ones. …
2024-10-20 04:37:00.104 / 3l6w6f6iobw2s
There are undoubtedly other conditions where there are other considerations. Someone may have the perpetual mind of a child and, to some extent, consistently arenāt fully aware of whatās best for them. Notice how this quality, even though they can take care of themselves to an extent and …
2024-10-20 04:38:59.659 / 3l6w6iqjei42f
consent to many things, is a continuous state. Or, say, someone is in a psychotic or schizophrenic episode utterly detached from reality. They definitely canāt consent to anything because, how they would make that determination? Notice how this applies across everything; it is a fundamental …
2024-10-20 04:39:26.294 / 3l6w6jjwbjs2u
quality of the psychological state.
Those suffering from personality disorders may exhibit or experience psychotic episodes or complete detachment from reality. Iāve been in the āacute wardā totally detached from everyone on the outside (my calls were restricted) and wholly dissociated. …
2024-10-20 04:40:54.406 / 3l6w6m5w6tu2f
In these cases, Iāve already said what applies. These states are a far cry from an intense romantic relationship, developed over a fairly significant period (I moved in with my husband after three months), that seems to be on the edge of completely unraveling. This situation is relatively common …
2024-10-20 04:41:16.358 / 3l6w6msu6ns2u
for many adults, and they learn to figure it out (or, unfortunately, not), Borderline or otherwise.
The more a person is aware of their condition and knows or has access to the tools required to process it responsibly, the less likely this is to happen on that scale. This is because there are …
2024-10-20 04:42:31.576 / 3l6w6p2ljl62e
things individuals can do, decisions they can make, boundaries they can set, and so on to prevent these situations or reactions from occurring. Innumerable Borderline sufferers āsuccessfullyā prevent these states through self-isolation or carefully watching their thought processes and …
2024-10-20 04:42:49.939 / 3l6w6pm45yw2e
relationship dynamics.
When I first met my husband, I was adamant that if I were going to have a romantic relationship, I wouldnāt view him as my āfavorite personā because, by that point, I had realized that a āfavorite personā is exceptionally unhealthy. When I start to see others as sparkly, …
2024-10-20 04:44:26.707 / 3l6w6sif4ow25
in short, I pause, reflect, and slow down. When I begin to see someone as a blackhole of awfulness, I pause and reflect and slow down. These are the types of things Borderline sufferers are supposed to be taught so they can prevent themselves getting into terrible states in the future. …
2024-10-20 04:46:19.669 / 3l6w6vu4iok2y
Proposing otherwise is despicably troubling and asks those in a normative society to restrict your rights further, make you their ward, hold you against your will, negate your decisions, or make them for you. It opens the door for so many abuses against vulnerable individuals. …
2024-10-20 04:46:38.219 / 3l6w6wfsket23
And for what? So that one can feel a bit of temporary relief at not having to be responsible for something they allowed to happen?
As far as Iāve seen across many suffering individuals, the proposal is also relatively shallow. It seems to rear its head when it's convenient, which, in my …
2024-10-20 04:47:59.362 / 3l6w6yt6sto2n
opinion, makes it even more insidiously nefarious. People often end up being able to āconsentā their way into terrible situations with no regard for many things, especially the future, and then suddenly, in hindsight, they were taken advantage of because, well, how could they …
2024-10-20 04:48:21.058 / 3l6w6zhuvap2p
consent in that state?! The other person shouldāve known and seen what was happening and made sure the consenting individual didnāt do something bad for themselves.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of that? It's quite a trip, isn't it?
And granted, some people actively …
2024-10-20 04:50:18.513 / 3l6w74xvjyp2c
abuse or take advantage, and they are also culpable and responsible. Iāve been abused and taken advantage of multiple times, and the perpetrators are responsible for their actions. But nobody is responsible for making sure I donāt get myself into a psychological pickle and do something …
2024-10-20 04:50:45.229 / 3l6w75repf724
against my best interests, especially not at 41 and after 20+ years of therapy. Not my husband, not someone Iām sleeping with, not my friends, not my Motherā¦ just me.
The more you conveniently defer the responsibilities of your illness or conditions to other people and convince them they must …
2024-10-20 04:52:15.549 / 3l6w7ahjec626
take them on in some altruistic duty, the more you give away your rights and the rights of others with your condition, and the less youāll be respected as a fully grown adult. It's funny that those proposing this start to cry foul when their favorite things are restricted, called out, …
2024-10-20 04:52:34.320 / 3l6w7azgens2m
criticized, or taken away because theyāre unhealthy, as decided by those who are now duty-bound to take care of them. All I can imagine is a teenager in an adultās body.
I am incredibly offended at the idea that because I ācanāt helpā certain behaviors or thoughts, things that are specifically …
2024-10-20 04:53:29.556 / 3l6w7co3sn62p
targeted by therapy in many cases, if youāre in a good situation, other people are responsible for making sure I donāt engage. Theyāll always fail, and on top of that, when they think theyāre not failing, itās tortuously controlling as someone whoās a āstrange personā and doesnāt fit into …
2024-10-20 04:53:47.251 / 3l6w7d6xz542p
a normative mold.
Itās horrendously irritating when people get in their heads that not being sexually monogamous, dressing up as an animal, or being gay is the source of all your problems. Now imagine if they could make those decisions for you because you canāt consent to things due to …
2024-10-20 04:54:27.204 / 3l6w7ef2v7f2u
uncontrollable pathological behaviors. Yeah, yikes.
If you want to be treated like a fully grown rational adult, you have to behave like a fully grown, generally rational adult. You can't just decide you identify as an adult. Thereās no in-between. Iām not other peopleās problem. …
2024-10-20 04:56:13.036 / 3l6w7hjyneh24
I donāt exist as a responsibility for someone else. It's possible I could be in a different position where I can't take care of myself. Figuring out how to deal with that, whether someone takes care of me or whatever else, is still my responsibility. The thought of just thinking others owe me …
2024-10-20 04:58:17.091 / 3l6w7labzhw2k
my comfortable existence repels me.
It should also repel you. It's unhealthy, childish, immature, and ultimately dysfunctional for everyone involved.
2024-10-20 04:58:33.529 / 3l6w7lpxm5h2e
A personal story from my second hospitalization (and my first, and only, arrest).
2024-10-20 07:43:27.927 / 3l6wislxz572c
ATProto root record: 3l6w3zc7hwl23