Once I got my atproto:// account back online, which is not part of Bluesky’s network and so I’m not beholden to BlueSky’s moderation, I quote-posted @hellscapewanderer.bsky.social‘s long-standing post telling me to get fucked (and please, don’t insult anyone’s intelligence) with, “Your misspellings are not excused, and, no thanks, how about you first?” (as you can see here, because all of this is public as fuck).
Upon Audrey and Saige becoming aware of it, BlueSky service, being the app portal bsky.app, summarily permanently suspended my access to their appview, again. This time it wasn’t a surprise, and I didn’t get a letter, because, the whole thing is decentralized. I don’t have to rely on Bluesky, they don’t know my e-mail, and they don’t control the internet.
Audrey and Saige would do well to take note, because they’re working their spin up again, much like their abuser Jessica they no longer engage like online, and there ain’t shit to be done because nothing they would like others to think is happening, is happening.
They don’t control the Internet. They don’t control public spaces by virtue of being found in them. They don’t control the flow of ideas or speech. They don’t control who talks about them. No one does, and that’s a good thing.
Here’s the super super vague press release where she mentions two people who would be given straight up restraining orders if… we’ll get to that, so, I print it here. I’ll go through this quickly, and to the point.
- “The lack of autonomy we often feel over our own thoughts…”
I’m sorry if they feel a lack of autonomy over their own thoughts, feelings, and words, but I want to remind everyone that those things are personal issues. I once felt a lack of autonomy over my own thoughts and feelings due to an obsessive anxiety disorder that caused me to constantly gag, but it wasn’t gone or taken or controlled by anything.
The two little people I would see in my “headspace” (barf), that I never once thought of as alters by the way, were there, and the youngest would occasionally flat out die, but, it was just me who had control of anything.
The evocative suggestion here is that some entity has taken away their autonomy. I’m here to remind you it hasn’t. - “Waiting for it to pass is compliance. To speak is overreacting.”
I have no idea what overly dramatic bullshit the second line is talking about, other than it seems like Saige is constantly paranoid of the very audience she likes to cultivate and play to, of their judgment, or the interpretation of all those people who, I suppose, are somehow taking away their autonomy? Still a personal problem, not mine. - Here’s where it gets interesting.
“The desire for perfection in this case is just another tool they command to keep control of us.”
They? Is she talking about ICE? The US government? The fascists who are also in my state, possibly ramping up any day now, where I currently live (so I don’t have the blessed opportunity to feel survivor’s guilt? I swear everything doable must be guilt-ridden I guess)? Or is it the two failed cult leaders masquerading as creators? Or is it the two people who would be given… we’ll get to that.
So, let’s say it is me, which, I have no idea because Saige loves Intentional Vagueness #27. I have this to say in response:
I don’t command jack shit to keep control of jack shit.
I don’t command any ‘tool’ within you, any perfectionist standard, or any other psychological mechanism within you. That, once again, is a you thing. All you. I don’t give two fucks if you’re perfect or you’re not. - “… when every day I’m forced to reckon with yet another trauma boiling up …”
No one’s forcing you to reckon with anything. You choose to act: You saw my quote-post. You blocked. You got me suspended from an appview. Done. That’s it. Those were your actions you chose to do. No one forced you to do them.
“A small consolation for being scared to overcook something to the point of a panic attack.”
I’m going to speak frankly, because, I’m getting tired:
Oh my god, can you just staaaawp with the most harmed bleakest victim routine for 2 seconds? You aren’t the only one ever girl.
You know… at one point I was having panic attacks, just, sitting at the dinner table. I would be in panic attack mode for hours on end, sometimes days. I know, you know all about my situation, and so, you should already know this. But for the viewers you’re so afraid of, I’ll tell my story thanks.
Oh my god, worst in my life. When I’d be in the grocery store and would see a teenager walking around with one hand in their pocket, I would want to run outside and scream (but I didn’t). Or, when I had to take a flight to California and I could hardly not vibrate out of my front row seat (I had to special order) even though, nothing was happening around me… it could be happening behind me! Or, when I went in to the public bathroom at Tattered Cover and discovered a guy in the stall next to me was publicly masturbating, in the restroom right next to the children’s section, my worst fear come true. Or, when… suffice to say, my body was ready to levitate out of anxiety at just the wrong gesture by some stranger.
In other words, and I really had to learn this:
That’s life!
And, it’s also, a you problem Saige. Not mine. Sorry that’s happening to you, but, it’s also not my problem to fix, and you wouldn’t want me to, so, I’m not going to bother thinking about it. - “It’s hard to feel safe/secure when my country is nosediving into techno-fascism, my home state about to use the military as a police force, & I fear every day for the safety of my friends & family.”
I’m living here. I’m still living here. There’s whispers of Colorado getting ramped up and being one of the next, and, I’ll tell you, sure is hard to feel safe and secure, living every day, with very few resources, right in it without the blessing of any possible survivor’s guilt to hold on to. I also fear every day for the safety of my friends & family.
Girl. - “why then do I still give the rest of it any of my energy?”
This is an extremely, extremely good question, because it is a choice. Your choice. Maus nor I have snatched any autonomy away from you on that.
“Isn’t it all meaningless?”
Clearly, it isn’t. - “Why waste my energy on two people who would be given straight up restraining orders if what they were doing wasn’t over the internet …”
This is what I have a huge issue with. A huge issue. It’s difficult for me to comprehend why Saige would ever think this was appropriate, intelligent, or responsible.
Let me break it down real fast:- WHAT exactly would we be doing if it wasn’t “over the Internet”?
- And, HOW do you know that’s what would happen since even I have no idea what I would even be doing?
And that’s where my interest in her posts ends.1 I don’t care about the rest.
This is equivalent to what Saige is doing:
IF those two people WERE to harass me for REAL, then, obviously, they’d have restraining orders immediately slapped on them!
This is nonsense. It’s also lacking boundaries of where her mind ends, and the rest of the world begins. The whole thread is.
It sounds inflammatory. It sounds like we’re horrible awful bad guys who are stalking and harassing her. But, the thing is, if we were doing that, even online, then, as she stressed to me with grave seriousness, she would file.
So, then… file? I’ve also already written at length about this.
I don’t want anyone to be afraid to exercise their rights, and do what they believe they need to do, as I do all the time. I have rights too. If it’s so bad, there are laws that already exist.
And yet, there’s no filing.
And I wonder if it’s because Saige has to make up a vague scenario (I don’t even know what it would be) that will never happen, because we’d never do that, and haven’t done that, in order for anything to be as bad as she describes.
In other words, it’s a bunch of fantastical nonsense so she can sway dramatically, flapping in the wind, to reap more admiration from her followers at her morally righteous victimhood, all while pinning all her personal issues and lack of autonomy over them on us, rather than to actually address anything Saige or Audrey ever did when it came to their interaction with us, which I outline in the aptly titled post On Manipulation.
It’s ridiculous, tiring, and shitty.
- ED: I was wrong!
After re-reading her thread, there is one more point of great import.
The “by design,” bit. I also have a huge red flag issue with that too. Like, red flag.
She says that it is by design that she feel broken, even at the micro level. I can only conclude that this includes the micro-almost-restraining-ordered individuals prior.
This is another fabrication of malice that is entirely within Saige’s control. She may guess, or feel, that it is by design, but I can tell you, knowing my internal makeup, motivations, thoughts, feelings, reasons, and what I know of my husband’s, that there isn’t any design.
I don’t make designs to maliciously hurt people.
I don’t make designs to ‘make’ them feel broken. I can’t make anyone feel anything, or believe anything (which I said to Liana by the way).
I’m not sitting around, in the living hell she bemoans, designing hell for other people. This rhetoric does the heavy lifting of subtly placing a bizarro fascist-like cruelty on top of every one of my activities for others without quite having to say it.
I can’t speak for anyone else, like the “two failed cult leaders” (still talking like Jessica), but there. is. no. design. other than the one in Saige’s mind. ↩︎