I said I’m taking a long break from the Internet, and I am. To clarify, I’m not “leaving the Internet,” or “touching grass,” or finally “getting help,” or “learning from this,” (I already knew all of this, it’s how I knew what to do) or “recovering,” or “healing”… though I am reprioritizing, for sure, that lands.
To be clear, because I have to be:
I have no idea if these two threads are ‘about’ me, and I’m not insisting they are about me.
They very well could just be random postings from someone’s very real life, which… great!
To Be Clear…
To be clear, because I have to be: Emily has every right to post these, even if it is in oblique reference to my situation (which Emily arguably just commented on a few days ago).
I keep writing “to be clear,” in imitation, and “I have to be,” to point out how incredibly important credibility is to anyone with a mental health condition, which is precisely what truly malicious actors are attempting to strip me of, even more than they were before.
Here’s What I Offer To Be Taken Away
You cannot be a mental health advocate if you strike at the most important thing someone with a mental health condition maintains—their credibility—whenever a high-stakes conflict occurs.
That’s an objective fact.
Credibility is important to many people, but it’s not the end-all be-all.
To someone like me, someone with a mental health condition so severe its disabling, it can mean the difference between freedom and abuse.
Disabilities Don’t Render You Helpless
Does being deaf, blind, or missing a leg make you incapable in every aspect of your life?
Being disabled by a mental health condition doesn’t mean that you are incompetent and unable to make decisions across the board. It means that you aren’t able to do a few things others can. I am highly capable and competent in many areas of endeavor, but on a personal level, I’m a bit… strange is how I put it.
As I like to say, that’s it.
Healing
I don’t have much of anything to offer others in terms of recovery or healing. I do have pearls of wisdom in very specific cases, such as the BlueSky thread I made early on advising people with Borderline Personality Disorder of my experience in choosing to engage differently with patterns:
Abandoning the concept of the “favorite person,” and choosing to actively not indulge in it is paramount to managing symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. It is a disorder that is quite counter-intuitive in that you have to do the opposite of how you feel, think, or want many times to get the very thing you want. The “favorite person” feeling and idealization most likely won’t stop, however, if you notice it happening, then, pull back.
The “favorite person,” doesn’t exist.
My husband, of 21 years by the way, will tell you that in the early stages of our relationship I refused to get too intimate, preferring mitigated intimacy instead *cough* after which I’d say, “Okay, that’s close enough for now,” rather than indulge with abandon.
Back To The Topic At Hand
Like I said, no idea if any of that has anything to do with me, but wow is the timing pretty strange.
None of that really matters though, because I can react to it however the fuck I want.
And that is this: If my suspicion has any merit, then, I would advise Emily to read my posts.
They’re not malicious, in my opinion, but they’re directness is not kind to her.
Maybe she’s saying this to the universe because I’m simply an example? Maybe. I don’t know.
It’s not bad advice!
It’s a fine sentiment and advice, and will probably be helpful and supportive to whoever Emily is constantly unaware of talking to.
But I can say that I personally don’t need it. And I’ve said this before.
At some point, if people want to stop risking putting their feet in the mouths… feet? okay… then they should probably start paying a bit more attention to what I write, and above all, taking me for my word first until they have a significant and legitimate reason not to do so.
That’s how I interact with everyone, regardless of who they are, and in that spirit, I have provided plenty of reasons regarding other people, because, who would otherwise?
The very notion (that I’ve imagined myself here) that Emily may *possibly* feel she has anything to say to me is so absurd it only shows the issues many involved might be dealing with.
Or not.